Syd Barrett
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“It is better to die in your prime than to become some fat old man who is afraid of being photographed while picking up a newspaper.”
~ Kurt Cobain on Death (and Syd Barrett)
“He's such a talented musician! I just can't BARRETT!”
~ Bob Klose
“Who the hell are you?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Bob Klose's play on words
“Yeah I rigged the bus who cares? I made Syd Barrett! Oh Fuck The Burning Bananas! ”
~ Roger Waters on The Murder Of The Burning Bananas and Being Syds Creator
“Nasty Prisms, good sir...”
~ Syd Barret on Syd Barrett's fiscal issues
Sigmund "Fleud" Barrett (1948-1975) was a visionary fiddle player, part-time Janitor, failed treasure hunter, and founding member of the English death metal group Pink Floyd, but is today best remembered for his discovery of an Arctic island home to star-bellied penguins. Syd was described by his peers as a Renaissance Man, and was known for having a superhuman thirst for knowledge in many different fields including taxidermy, topography, and hot-air ballooning (which incidentally led to his Antarctic discovery).
[edit] Early Life
Sigmund Ivory Barrett was born on February 21, 1948 Balukaville, England in to his mother, an interpretive dance instructor, Mary Anne Barrett and his father, Miguel Hernandez Barrett a physical education teacher at an elementary school of Austrian dissent. He attended the elementary school in which his father taught which he later stated was very emotionally stressful on him. He was a strong student in all subjects, and had a natural talent for fiddle playing.
He experimented with his fiddle playing, and he would often play infront of his mother's interpretive dance class at his mother's request. He met his future Pink Floyd bandmates Roger Waters and Roger Taylor at these classes.
[edit] The Pink Floyd
In 1964 Waters convinced Barrett to begin playing guitar. Syd was a natural at writing music with the guitar as well and in 1965 Barrett formed The Pink Floyd with Waters on bass guitar, Taylor on percussion, and Rick Wakeman on keyboards. The band achieved early success at their live performances despite Barrett's inability to write acceptable lyrics. Barrett's songs were normally love ballads about the hippy generation. These ballads compiled Floyd's first album "Pipe Smokers Mate at Dawn" released in 1967. Although the album achieved large commercial success and radio play worldwide, Barrett's fellow bandmembers did not desire to be a mainstream band, and wanted a more psychadelic sound. Shortly after their first album's release, Barrett was replaced by virtuoso guitarist/asshole David Gilmour.
[edit] Solo Career/Fiddle Success
After leaving The Pink Floyd, Barrett released three solo albums. The first of which was a country-rap album (heavily plagarized by Cowboy Troy) entitled The Mudflap Raps in 1968. "Mudflap" achieved little comercial success despite hailed by critics, and was later labelled as being "too far ahead of it's time". After "Mudflap's" failure, Barrett returned to his initial passion, the fiddle. He released two albums in which he played his fiddle both in 1969, cleverly titled Fiddle Me This and Fiddle Me That. These releases gave Barrett a large following of middle-aged women, many of whom formed the not-so-cleverly named groupie organization Barret My Children. One of these women, Sandy Moore, described how Syd would pull a face "like a fisted gorilla", and "let out a howl like a frustrated mongoloid" whilst ejaculating. She put it down to "hereditary factors". When many members of the group discovered that Barrett had a hereditary erectile disfunction disorder, Barrett lossed almost his entire fan base. Barrett fell in love with a loyal, American groupie named Audrey "hairlip" White. Barrett and White had a secret wedding in Las Vegas, NV in 1970 and then decided to honeymoon on a worldwide hot air balloon adventure.
[edit] The Burning Bananas And The New Burning Bananas
After being in Pink Floyd and Tool and Solo/Fiddle Success he formed the Burning Bananas, with Bass player Richard Hurtz, Monkey Lee Williams a Jazz influenced drummer and a native american and finally a guy who most people just call "Guitar Man" they created The Burning Bananas. They we're only a band for four hours and thirty minutes still they released three hit singles "Chiquita Cha Cha", "Banana Splits (taste quite delicious with chocolate sauce and chopped nuts)" and "Oh God, We Only Have Thirty Minutes To Record A Single". Shortly after the release of their debut album (Here Come the Burning Bananas!), Roger Waters, angered over The Bananas' success, rigged the bands' tour bus with explosives, killing Dick, Monkey, and "Guitar Man", who had only left their flat to get some pop tarts and smokes. Syd Barrett still moved on and formed The New Burning Bananas but forwent any preliminary search for musicians, instead opting to eat an entire pumpkin on stage in place of actual music. It was surprisingly successful He toured Europe and the Balkan Island during the October of 1972. Unfortunately, after pumpkin season was over, Syd was forced to switch to summer Squash. Syds' audience did not take kindly to this change of gourd, and he was booed off of the stage at every venue over the raminder of his five month tour. He was devastaded and left the public eye but still released many many many albums after the end of The Burning Bananas and The New Burning Bananas.
[edit] The Burning Bananas And The New Burning Bananas discography
"(Here Come The Burning Bananas!)"
1. Wait What Chords?
2. The Intro
3. Banana Splits (taste quite delicious with chocolate sauce and chopped nuts)
4. Paint My Bike
5. More Chords?
6. Chiquita Cha Cha
7. Oh God, We Only Have Thirty Minutes To Record A Single
8. Weee! (Instrumental)
9. Go Monkey Lee Williams! (Instrumental)
10. Burning Bananas?
All Lyrics and Music by Syd Barrett
"(Here Come The New Burning Bananas!) (*LIVE*)"
1. Pumpkin Eating Pt.1
2. Pumpkin Eating Pt.2
3. I Walk Off Stage You Write About It
4. Pumpkin Eating Pt.3
5. Pumpkin Eating Pt.4
6. What? You Want More?
"I'm Going To Sit Here And Eat Some Pumpkins You Record"
1. I Sit Here And I Eat A Pumpkin
2. Still Eating
3. Bob Dylan Blues (take 174)
4. Still Eating (reprise)
5. Get The Soft Machine In Here!
6. Where Are My Pants? (take 37)
7. Still Eating (Reprise)(Reprise)
8. I'm Done Eating This Pumpkin
All Lyrics And Music By Syd Barrett
[edit] The Hot Air Balloon Adventure and Star-Bellied Penguins
Barrett went on to travel the world in a hot air ballooon which had always been a dream of his. He travelled only with his wife Audrey. Unfortunately for Syd, Audrey had a fear of heights, making the trip last longer than Barrett initially planned. While they flew over China Audrey leaned too far over the side of the balloon while observing The Great Wall, and tragically fell out of the balloon, and was captured and enslaved by China's Evil Communist Government. He traveled south from China to Antarctica, but Barrett didn't know that the land of Antarctica is the mortal enemy of hot-air balloonists everywhere. His balloon crash landed on an uncharted island where Barrett discovered the legendary star-bellied penguins. He spent years living among the penguins, and spent most of his time attempting to reignite his hot-airballoon. After living with the penguins for more than 5 years. He eventually discovered how to use Antarctica's natural oil deposits in order to ignite his balloon, but accidentally set his balloon on fire along with all of his supplies. Fortunately for Barrett, a tanker ship saw the flames and picked him up, along with several of his penguin friends. The penguins and Barrett returned to Europe, and Barrett once again achieved worldwide fame because of his amazing discovery.
[edit] Theories Behind The Star-Bellied Penguins
Many believe that the penguins with stars on their bellies were exiled to the remote island by the traditional penguins who lack stars because of their differences. They believe that the star on the penguin comes from a recessive hereditary allele. There is also a widely accepted conspiracy theory that Syd Barrett created a machine that gave the penguins their stars. The story says that Syd Barrett had telekinetic powers that allowed him to communicate with the penguins. He convinced the penguins that they were unattractive, and that he could make them prettier with his star-making machine in return for fish and other sea food that the penguins eat. After he capitalized on the penguins for food, he then used the star bellied penguins he created to capitalize on his own public.
Dr. Seuss's novel "The Sneetches: or How Syd Barret Exploited Penguins Only to Sell Their Stuffed Corpses to the World" slanders Barrett, and attempted to brainwash children to resist the enjoyment of the cute stuffed star-bellied penguins that their parents generously provided them over Christmas. Seuss denied his brainwashing attempts, but it has been proven that his rhymes made between words that don't make any sense at all have power over the human brain subconsciously. The novel created more controversy for Seuss and his hippie, liberal publishers than it created for Barrett. When asked about the novel, Barrett replied "Why the fuck did he call them sneetches... I guess that there are more words that rhyme with sneetch than with penguin, but I still don't think it makes any sense at all. A sneetch is supposed to be a penguin right? They kind of look like Big Bird... but I don't get it. Was I supposed to do some kitten huffing before I read it or something?"
[edit] Post Penguin Life
After making millions because of his penguin exhibits across the globe, Barrett lived a humble life and pursued only his small hobbies. He used the name he made for himself in his air ballooning travels around the world to become a well respected professor in topography. After the population of the star-bellied penguins grew large enough, Barrett began to study taxidermy, and specialized in selling stuffed star-bellied penguins. His stuffed penguins gained a lot of popularity in the early eighties, making him a multimillionare. Barrett ate several of the penguins that he lived with, and created many of his own recipes of how to eat star-bellied penguins. After being rescued, he contributed to the marketing of McDonald's McFin sandwich, which received immediate popularity. It was only after marketing the sandwich that McDonald's advertising team realized that penguins do not have fins, they have wings. The McFin sandwich was made of the delicate meat found on the wings of a star-bellied penguin. Burger King attempted to make the same sandwich with regular, nonstar-bellied penguins, but the sandwich never caught the same popularity that the McFin enjoyed. Animal rights activists and hippies argued that Barrett's slaughter of these penguins was wrong, and that he was making the penguins endangered. However, no one ever seemed to care what hippies thought.
[edit] Death
Sigmund Ivory "Syd" Barrett died on March 18th, 1975 in a tragic taxidermy accident at the age of 36. He had always insisted in doing his own work when it came to stuffing his precious penguins. His body was found face down in a pool of his own blood with a his taxidermist knife and an unstuffed penguin by his side. Police ruled the death accidental although some believe that it was suicide.
[edit] Sightings
Despite having died in 1975, several sightings of Syd Barrett have taken place. In 1980, he was reported to be jamming at London's Rococ Tavern with former Door's frontman Jim Morrisson. the backing musicians included John F. Kennedy on keyboards, Keith Moon on drums, Brian Jones on rhythm guitar and Skip Spence on sitar. One witness reported a suprise guest by the name of Duanne Allman, who played slide guitar when Syd didn't want to.
Syd was also seen in Africa by a party of mountain climbers attempting to construct a bridge between the two peaks of Mount Kilamanjaro. They even confirmed that Syd had a lookalike named Dean Barrett(1981)
Syd was also spotted at a marble factory on one ocassion swimming in a pool of fresh cat's eyes. When approached by the Chinese factory workforce, Syd shouted, "RATS, RATS LAID DOWN FLAT!" the confused Chinese slave force decided to leave him alone because they didn't want to be reported to the better business bureau.
In October 1999, Syd Barrett was seen eating a shoe in a Louisiana city called Nantucket. A psychedelic psychic later exclaimed, "My dream has come true!"
He was also reported seen in a Tennessee cave by country singer Dolly Parton, although the sighting has never been confirmed and Parton refuses to mention the incident.
In 2005, Syd Barrett reunited with his former Pink Floyd bandmates for a terse reunion. He was later asked not to participate when it was discovered that he was making out backstage with a gigolo aunt.
The last recorded sighting of Syd Barrett was by Gary Coleman in September of 2008. According to Coleman, Barrett wandered into his room late at night singing his old songs with a two dollar acoustic guitar. "What you talking about, Syd?!" Coleman said before shooting the 62 year old Barrett with a AK47.
[edit] Trivia
- Syd Barrett was caught red-handed.
- Syd Barrett was a notorious laxative abuser.
- Syd Barrett was intelligent
- Syd Barrett has never been confused with American comedian Bill Murray.
- After hiring Bozo the Clown as his private entertainer at his 35th birthday, McDonald's was infuriated with Syd for not hiring Ronald McDonald to entertain him, and they temporarily took the McFin Sandwich off of their menu.
- Syd Barrett has never owned or operated a mechanical arm, although he did have an army of robots.
- Syd Barrett used Johnson's shampoo to treat his hair.
- Syd Barrett once soundly defeated Maynard James Keenan in an impromptu wrestling match.
- Barrett lost his left boot while at one of his mother's interpretive dance classes. He searched for that boot until the day he died. If you have any information regarding this boot please call (949) 867-5309. Please, no solicitors!
- Many believe Syd is still alive and is currently employed as a small raincloud over a town in south Canadia commanding spectacular views of the sea.
- Syd Barrett is God and the best musician in the world.
- Syd Barrett was the best member of Pink Floyd, coz he was. Period.
- Syd voted for Hudson Leick in the "Vote for the hottest person ever" competition.
- Syd Barrett is known for his strange actions during performances. In one solo concert for which thousands of people spent over a hundred dollars on tickets for, Syd went on stage, ate a whole pumpkin, then left.
- After 1975, Syd always signed his name as "The Banana of Truth". Nobody really knows why.
