Swimming pool
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“A swimming pool?! I encountered one of those playing Zork once!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Swimming Pools
“AAAAAAA”
~ The Pope on Swimming Pools
“Our six meter by thirty meter pool is wonder in all of Kazakhstan”
~ Borat Sagdiyev on swimming pools
“Ow my face is on fire!”
~ Ralph Wiggum on Chlorine filterd pools
A swimming pool (a.k.a. cément pond in the Los Angeles area) is a semi-artificial suburban structure which is chock full of highly toxic water and screaming children. It is covered with (usually green) cloth made of worsted wool, and usually has six pockets.
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[edit] Shape and Other Dimensions
Swimming pools come in all known shapes of the geometric spectrum, from the boring rectangle of classical Euclidean architecture, to the exciting semi-irregular truncated heptadecagon, also of classical Euclidean architecture.
Iowa celebrates Summer with world's largest pool.
[edit] Pool Water
Since untreated tap water is an ideal breeding ground for many disgusting diseases's such as black men's semen. It is highly recommended that the water in your new swimming pool be fluoridated with copious quantities of chlorine (a poisonous chartreuse-colored gas), urine (though few people need to be told) and a few drops of vanilla extract before making any foolish attempt to either drink or take it out for dinner. Nothing, however, kills the AIDS that is present in all pools, everywhere. Entering a pool means contracting AIDS except if you are a superhero, which is why black people with suits always dance in front of pools. They're there for our protection.
[edit] Pseudo pools (non-AIDS)
It is possible to fool your pool into believing it is not a pool and thus possibly avoided the AIDS. Recommended methods include pretending not to swim; dipping sandwiches into it while saying things like "mmm gravy" (note that the French have attempted and failed to get the same effect with "yumm-eee au jus"); giving it books; and storing children in them.
[edit] Circulation
Hydrological scientists have recently discovered that swimming pools actually possess a rudimentary circulatory system. The entire volume of water in a typical swimming pool is continuously forced by powerful jet engines through a complex sequence of osmotic filters and CIA agents, which screen out most dangerous contaminants like hairs, leaves, lint, beach balls, foreign children, dragons, and dead cats. In swimming pools no deeper then one metre the water will have a slight yellow tint, this is because small children feel the need to constantly urinate to see who has stored the most urea, they do this to impress the people that live up on the ladder with a whistle and plaster across their nose.
[edit] Additional Equipment
Most modern swimming pools also come equipped with a diving board, a Playboy centerfold model, and a squadron of robotic life guards. Though somewhat expensive, a diving helmet may prevent the slow burning away of facial skin due to chlorine. Also, most pools come with dancing black men in suits. Other essential equipment includes a cue stick, a cue ball and other pool balls (nine for the game of nine-ball, and fifteen, equally obviously, for the game of eight-ball.)
- Also, in case of alien attack always throw the chair into the water. This will prevent many hardships.
[edit] Can I get aids from swimming in a pool with black people?
Ask your mom.
