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“What is this shit? …”
Svelvik is a town by the river. It has one gas station, which is the municipality buildning in the town. It has lots of hills where the houses lie. The citizens become very sulky when you call their river "Drammenselva" and not "Drammensfjorden", so if you ever go to Svelvik (which is not likely) do not under any circumstances mistake the two of them.
The annual Duck race is the climax of the year for the people of Svelvik, and they use most of the year to prepare it. Children at school makes all the plastic ducks, and the rest of the inhabitants fix the waffels. Of course the gas station is the base, and four weeks before the annual race the sign "ALL YOUR BASES ARE BELONG TO US" appeares in the window. This is called Svelvik-humor and you don't have to laugh at it, as long as you're not a Svelviking.
Svelvik is the reserve capital of Norway, and scientists claim that it soon will be the main, since Oslo will be attacked by mad terrorists. The scientists also claim that Svelvik is out of danger of being bombed, since it is so hard to find, that not even a terrorist will bother.
One of the most famous Svelvikians is without a doubt Knut Erik Lippert. With his electric moves, he also won "Skal vi danse", a TV show about brewing tequila with things you find in a regular Norwegian household garage.
Another famous person is rapper Krazy K who's famous for describing the urban struggle in Europs smallest city with the hitsong "Alt jeg ønsker er en kebab og veiforbindelse til Hurum"
In Svelvik they talk a dialect which (sometimes) resembles Norwegian.
"Høggrn vakkeno føtti." - I do not know if my neighbour has a lawn mower, my good man.
"Skarruke nerri bølja førråbarre?" - It's a splendid day to go and take a quick swim in the river, don't you think?
"Grøppa drivpå merrenå.." - Oh, yes! The children are making a plastic duck in the neighbour room!
"Velke darevarre meska fæskeifjorra?" - Have you made up your mind about which days we are going to go fishing in Drammensfjorden that is not Drammenselva?
"Skarru blime å drekka niseks på shell?" - Would you like to drink Booze with me at the gas station? (This is the most used expression by Svelvikings).
When it comes to food, there is a quite easy living-rule in Svelvik:
What you catch is what you eat.
if you don't catch anything it will be bad for you
There are no restaurants in Svelvik.
The cinema in Svelvik is known around the world for its 10000 victim capacity and is filled with signatures of great film stars, among them are; Jeremy Clarkson, Jeremy Irons, James May and Lord-Emperor-the-Most-Divine-High-Priest-of-All-Gods-and-Answerable-Only-to-His-Mother-Moskus-the-Strange-IXI