Sometime in early first millennium, somewhere in Bethlehem. The Supreme Dictator of the World parented a son, Jesus Christ. Everyone in Christianity looks up to them and they have been depicted many times in statues and paintings.
Yes, that's right, the Virgin Mary.
Who were you expecting? God? What has he ever done for anyone. That's right, nothing. It's all the Virgin Mary operating from behind the curtain. All those miracles that Jesus performed were a direct result of Mary using Jesus as a puppet.
The rational way to think about this is that if there was no Mary, there would be no Jesus. Mary only got Jesus to do those things for her because she was a very lazy person and so she exclaimed from the top of the tallest mountain.. "Oi! God, make me pregnant you fertile entity you!"
He did. Much to the disappointment of Joseph who decided to take Mary to Bethlehem in order to drown her. This is the reason why Joseph is not depicted in paintings and statues, he tried to kill the future Supreme Dictator of the World.
edit The acts of Mary
edit The Birth of Jesus
"According to the Bible, Jesus worked many miracles in the course of his ministry, which may be categorized into cures, exorcisms, dominion over nature, three instances of raising the dead, and various others."
This information from Wikipedia is wrong, these miracles have in fact been attributed to Mary operating from her home during her rise to fame as the Supreme Dictator of the World. For example, the man who was a mute was cured because the demon was drove out of him. Before this was linked to Jesus, however, recent revelations reveal that this was in fact Mary. Mary beat this man many times and used a scare tactic to get it out of him.
Another miracle that was falsely attributed to Jesus was the curing of a deaf person. The early reports of the disciples said that Mary healed this man. In spite of that, Mary did not want to be famous as doing this would take the limelight away from God and his son. She managed to silence the disciples by "dealing" with them one by one.
Mary wanted to get a bigger stage to act from, somewhere she could act unseen and be omnipresent at the same time.
edit Dictating the World
Mary found where she could gain herself this stage, Heaven, where she wasn't suspected of doing the great things that Jesus "did". To get there, assumption was used by god to unite her body and soul in heaven. God was able to do this because Mary had been out on the town for 30 long years and so this was a good excuse to hurry up the death process.
Mary spent the rest of her working life making a few large miracles, for example the fact that people can get out of bed on time. She ender her reign as Supreme Dictator of the World sometime in the middle of World War 2; leading Germany to defeat.
edit See Also
- ↑ She didn't even want to get her fat arse on that donkey.
- ↑ This part was left out of the Bible.
- ↑ Sucks to be him, he doesn't get Christmas presents and Birthday presents.
- ↑ Joseph didn't. He walked apparently. Lazy.
- ↑ Get me a god damn monkey. So that it can entertain me, now!
- ↑ God has suspected her of cheating on him.