Superfreak
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Superfreak is what seems to be a combination of Superman and a Freak. Born in the late 1990's. Superfreak has grown into a bumbling idiot to one of Superman's fiercest enemies. He has a history of looking like a freak and being killed constantly by Superman, which makes him cool. Superfreak's purpose has the least meaning and would let anyone know WTF? He is currently hard on work working on a way to kill superman and to find some purpose in life.
[edit] The Origin
After a lifetime of being killed off, being paired with annoying sidekicks, and submitting to ridiculous costume change proposals, the Man of Steel found himself in a pub back in Worchestershire, New London. "What's the point?" He was quoted as saying, followed by "and don't think it hast anything to do with those whiny songs about how sad it is to be Superman and something something kryptonite. I'll sue those hippie emo punks for copyright infringigineement. Hic."
His first goal was to use his powers for whatever the hell he felt like. Several heroes thought otherwise, but were dealt an immediate supersonic punch through the skull. Later, he took up smoking, but not cigars, no- he used entire smoke stacks filled with carcinogenic leaves that had no affect on him whatsoever. His booze binge drinking was legendary, consuming three to four bars worth in an hour, and pissing his name through skyscrapers and national monuments.
Citizens looked up, up in the air. Was it a coked-up bird? Was it a kamikaze plane? No, it was some kind of Superfreak! Superfreak! Superfreaky! Da na na naow, nah nah!
Superfreak did what what he wanted, when he wanted. He ejaculated with the force of a cannon, dispensing with Earth's primitive military. He changed in phone booths without waiting for others to finish their calls, crushing them instantly. He shat bricks of lead and hurled them at oncoming aircraft. Superfreak was no longer a man, but a Freak!
[edit] With great power... Comes great power!
Superfreak's insatiable lust for booze, smoking, and sex after years of abstinence lead him to seek out every brothel in Metropolis. After cleaning up the blood stains, he began to borrow various equipment and bondage gear for his own personal use. It was not uncommon to see Superfreak donned in black leather gimp mask, harness, and assless chaps as he greeted fans and signed autographs for children. The new, cooler Superfreak had all the popularity in the world. But there was one problem.
That problem...
Was...
[edit] Excelsior!
The sun was heading towards Earth! With a moral dilemma at his hands, Superfreak pondered saving the planet by hurling himself into the sun at great speeds, pushing it back on course. "Nah."
And so the sun came a little too close to the great blue planet, and cooked over one fourth of its population. Thankfully it was the one fourth nobody really cares about. And the oceans left some freshly cooked sashimi, to which the pacific islanders exclaimed, "but it's cooked!".
So that was about it for Superfreak, who was too boozed up to really give a damn. Having grown a foot long beard and hippie hair, he decided to fly up, up above the city and piss on its inhabitants below.


