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“You want fries with that shake?”
“Marx is a fool, and a fat one at that.”
Main tenets of Socialism
(The ten commandments of being a "good" socialist)
- Equality in worthlessness
- Equality of poorness
- Equality of (hard) labor
- Children frowned upon
- Being very dirty at all times
- Having either moustache or beard or both (also applies to women)
- No farting on Tuesdays
- Thy shall not make any graven images
- Must carry around a national ID card, resistance is punishable by more equality.
With the exception of:
- Never thinking for yourself.
- Growing hair on fingernails (proved infeasible)
- Only eating corn (proved disastrous to public health)
- Raising ponies to send back in time to fight in Trojan War (proved too silly).
- And being a narrow-minded dogmatic stooge for the party politic.
Origins Of Super Socialism
The idea of Super Socialism was delivered unto Marx from the mind-ray of the undead Hegel (as was the fashion at the time) on a cold winters evening in 1887. After an all-night blast orgy (in which it is alleged that Hegel made a pass at Marx's female cat Dorothy) Marx immediately sat down and wrote the now obscure Communist Manifesto 2: This Time It's Personal, which was rejected by every major publisher of the time. The manuscript drifted around the in a cold Austrian breeze for many years before it landed on an abandonded farm. In a grand stroke of luck it was discovered by several Vietnamese Sheep who happened to have great influence over most of Europe. Marx's word spread across eastern Europe and greatly influenced the politics of Hungary, Albania, Russia and Poo-land (later re-named Poland)
Main tenets of Super Socialiam
- Every man is entitled to creamy cheese
- Every second man is entitled to eat the first mans' colon
- Every woman is entitled to take a dump whensover it pleases her
- Governing bodies will be officially referred to as "Uncle Pumpkin"
- Castles are not permitted
- Stones are forbidden
- Days are lengthened to 48 hours (to allow longer working hours)
- Every man, woman and child of a Super Socialist State (SSS) must wear Red at all times
- Every man, woman and child of a Super Socialist State (SSS) must worship their leaders in an unorthodox fashion (a popular method of worship in Stalinist Russia was "Stick a Sausage in your Shit for Stalin... then eat it... duh")
- And The government can kill ever more people (i.e. "enemies of the state") than the other national socialism.
The Rise Of Super Socialism In the 1930s
- 1932 saw a world changed by Super Socialism - over a third of European countries were deemed Super Socialist States after extensive campaigning and random Badger attacks brainwashed many nations. In 1933 Super Socialist Russia was deemed "Best Country Ever" by American president Franklin D. Roosevelt(see right) in a speech he claimed later to "Regret". By 1935 the UK had practically sank into the sea. What a pity!
- In 1936 Russian Premier Joseph Stalin was voted "a really pretty cool guy" by his mother.
- By 1939 the entire world was Super Socialist and entrenched in a bitter war with several Lebanese Shrimps. The war lasted four months and ended when the Universe imploded. The world celebrated by painting themselves Red and doing manual labour.
- 1944 saw world leader Joseph Stalin creating Manual Labour Day. Many rejoiced. Those who did not were sent to labour camps.
The Unexpected Shock
- By 1952 the world population had dropped to fifty and Stalin was forced to make a difficult decision. He contacted Marx and asked him what had gone wrong with his implementation of Marx's doctrine. The conversation was recorded on a small tape recorder and filed away under "Manual Labour".
The Conversation between Marx and Stalin
- -Stalin "Yo yo yo bitch, wtf! This shit just aint workin' out baby!"
- -Marx "Feck off"
The End Of Super Socialism
After Stalins' "Getting Busy" phase (do you need a picture?) the world population soared to 90 trillion. Super Socialism was now deemed "a little silly" (New York Times) and mainly fizzled out - to be replaced by the rampant Liberalism that we all know and love today.