Super Smash Brothers
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Super Smash Brothers is the common name for the controversial conflict that took place in 1999. In this conflict, the religious extremists of the Miyamoto faith attempted to extend their beliefs throughout the nation of Nintendo. The War ended indecisively, which is largely responsible for later conflicts such as Melee and Brawl.
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[edit] The Origins
The first War was started when Mario suggested that the Nintendo Empire be overthrown the Miyamoto Theocracy, after the Great Creator. This idea was popular with Miyamoto-theists, such as Mario, Link, Donkey Kong, Fox, and Yoshi. However Miyamoto-Atheists such as Samus, Kirby, and the newly prominent Pikachu protested the idea of an alien deity controlling them, and created the Triple Alliance to promote their interests. In response, Mario led in the creation of a Holy Alliance. The two factions simmered for a short time, but conflict was inevitable once Yoshi and Kirby got into an argument on Goomba-swallowing rights.
[edit] The Yoshi Raid
The early battles proved to be indecisive, as the Triple Alliance developed a well defended base in Dreamland. From here, they pleaded for aid from sympathetic factions, while the Holy Alliance struggled to gain converts. The Holy Alliance suffered significant losses when Yoshi, looking for some fun, stumbled upon dreamland eating the apples. Samus responded with a well deserved charge shot, which the evil Yoshi swallowed. Using a combined arms strategy, however, Kirby was able to blow one of Samus’s mines into Yoshi, which, followed by a quick jolt by Pikachu, went off inside Yoshi. This lose paralyzed the Holy Alliance’s actions for some time, as Yoshi required a Band-Aid.
[edit] The Later Conflict
It wasn’t long before new allies were made by both sides. Yoshi’s defeat encouraged the noob Jigglypuff to join the Triple Alliance. However, Mario’s brother, Luigi, and CAPTAIN FALCON, bolstered the power of the Holy Alliance, allowing them to launch an attack on the Triple Alliance’s fortress. The fortress was bombarded by fireballs, bananas, Arwing bombs, and a flight of arrows. The Triple Alliance was forced to withdraw to a secret base in Saffron City. Although they were soon found, the Triple Alliance had reached the top of the highest towers and had “liberated” the nearest Pokémon Center. Unfortunately, it was entirely stocked with Goldeens and a Mew, so it didn’t help much. All seemed to be lost for the outnumbered Triple Alliance (6 to 3 plus Jigglypuff), when Ness, a boy who wanted to be a Pokemon trainer when he grew up, realized it was easier to make your own PK Thunder. Inspired by the electric rat, he came in on his skateboard and pulverized luigi with a fireball. Luigi, who detested fighting, pretended to die, forcing the Holy Alliance to retreat.
[edit] Master Bater's Hand
By this point, both factions were tired of the stalemate, but were too stubborn to stop the conflict. It was during this time that Master Bater an his Hand invaded Nintendo, planning to use the Civil War as an excuse for conquest foreign intervention and the advancement of world peace. It was not at all attracted to the petroleum industry in the Mushroom Kingdom. Honest. Anyway, the two factions agreed that they had to make peace to defeat a greater foe. As it turned out, a single character could beat Master Bater and his Hand, but since each character wanted credit, they all fought Master Bater once. Even Yoshi beat him.
[edit] Conclusion
Although none of the issues that had started the war had been resolved, both factions decided that enough was enough and called it a quits. The peace lasted for two years and was followed by what we like to call “The Melee”
[edit] Characters
Mario- the basic character. Does everything there is possible to do with mushrooms. He kills them by bouncing on their heads, uses hallucinogenic mushrooms to make things more "interesting", and even eats them, making him...larger.
Luigi- the brother of the basic character. A lack of creativity from the creators leaves us with a character exactly like Mario in every way. (except for the killer move where he does his final jump and kills everyone in his way...somehow.)
Donkey Kong- a large fuzzy kitten that nobody loved. The neglect led him to a life of charging up his paw by making circles in the air, and holding people and jumping off the side, killing both him and the other person in an annoying suicide thats apparantly "funny" but really just pisses people off.
Fox- a red haired mammal, known to eat small rodents
Samus- half of everybodies favorite character and when they see her final smash in brawl often yell out, "WOAH ITS A CHIC!...nice, I'd hitt that."
Kirby- a whorish STD factory known to suck numerous characters and obtaining many STDs, which it then transfers to the next character it sucks. It gets a pretty little hat for every time it does so though =D
Captain Falcon (GAY)- annoying little bastard who shouts "falco.....PUNCH!!!" and "Show me your moves boobs!" every other second because he can't control his raging hormones. He was put on the pill to control his outbursts but soon became fat and depressed. After getting off the pill, he lost weight and soon found a job at a gay bar in downtown San Fransico. He learned that every should reconize and worship his ever so prominant nipples, he hides the 3rd one on his back though with the power of duct tape. There is no doubt he is a flaming...flaming...homosexual. No doubt.
Pikachu- a small mouse, main enemy is fox
Jigglypuff- a random puff-ball that has a boring song that puts people to sleep...secretly want to be a lesbian but everybody hates her so she tried to fight them all and got mercilessly pwned.
Yoshi- quite simply, a egg laying dinosaur, proven to be untrue in the dino world, but the developers majored in gaming stuff, not animal stuff, so BACK OFF!!!
Link- (NOT GAY) a grown man with pointy ears and golden hair with a voice of a five year old. Enjoys hopping around in the forest following two colorful fairies and wearing green clothes, being an active pro-Earth kinda guy. Despite his fruity appearance he enjoys "blowin shit up" and "totally doin his bich!"...despite the fact that we know he doesn't get any from her and she always runs away because of the nasty shit she walks in on Link doin.
Ness- "PIKAY FIA!!!"...enough said. It's not shown but he secretly wants to loose his virginity to Lucas and hates Ganondorf for that.
