Super Nintendo

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Snes

It's a Super Nintendo, bow before it.

The Super Nintendo Entertainment System, Pooper Nintendo, or Super NES was a video game console released by Nintendo in North America and Engrand(yeah, that's a place, look it up!) and Japan and at some point between the beginning of time and the end of time. There has been fervent chatter on the blogosphere that the Super Nintendo might be resurrected at some point after the end of time due to it's longevity in being one of the greatest things ever created. Nintendo firmly denies this moving forward with it's 64 system and silly kids games like Pokemon Licker, Banjo Kaplooie, Conkers Coffee Bar and Purple Puffy Huffer. In North Korea, it is known as the Purple Giant of Western capitalism and was distributed by Sir Lancelot of the Lake, he would have had his armor on but he took a hit from a zombie and lost it.

The Super Nintendo console is 6 of the 7 wonders of the world upon it's creation many years back. The console introduced remarkably advanced graphics and sound capabilities that greatly enhanced the workingman's abilities to sit down after tea and beer and KILL STUFF. The zenith of gaming controllers came about with the advent of the Super Nintendo controller with two auxillery buttons that only so many games used and two addition action buttons that often were did exactly what the other two did. Instead of being "candy bar" shaped, these were almost infinity shaped and round.

History

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Born asexually to the Virgin Julia Roberts, the Super Nintendo has had many a quest. At age one, he took up the passion of nun-chucks, (the actual throwing of devout spanking christians), and has later been credited with slaying the evil & notorious Micheal Moore. Quote[ That guy was really pissing me off ]Unquote. His reliability later lead him to cover for David Bowie at The Serious Moonlight World Tour in 1983. Bowie was later promised a video game in his honor, and Super Nintendo promising it to be better than that piece of crap Michael Jackson video game. After the release of "David Bowie's Day Off" in 199X, it spun some controversy between 2 video games based purely off "some singer you might've heard of before who looks like, if he was a poor bastard that didn't get a record label, probably that guy driving around in a big white van asking children if they want free candy". At the time of the controversy, Super Nintendo was learning about the complete works of shakespeare, and giving speeches to the homeless about the new religion based off famous english literaturists with funny names, such as Longfellow. This however was a failure, leading him into a drug-fueled depression. At the time, he met with famed re-terd (named so for obvious reasons) Forest Gump. Forest's ambitions to try to change Super around led him to saying the quote "Life is like a box of chocolates; you;ll never know what you;ll get." But Super's rebuttal was "It says on the box what kind of chocolate there is. This whole time you've never actually looked on the box? You probably would've ate a box saying assorted turds." This after led Super Nintendo out of his depression with plenty of Prozac, Valium and Julia Roberts special P-Nut Butter and Crackers. Quote[ Nothing ruins a bad mood more than Peanut Butter and Valium ]He later started a school for the illiterate. This however was a failure due to his lack of proper arm power. He later set again on a quest to end the never ending story, which was a complete success. After so long he realized after watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, what he really was. He started building a time machine with Paris Hilton to go back in time to his final resting place, Canada. He then buried himself into the ground to be found by Native Canadians. They then played Super Mario World and Donkey Kong Country 2 until he was destroyed by an obese 9 year old child at the time, named Reggiesus. He was later repaired and given to his aunt, where he lay until his death on September 29, 1998.

Notable Games

Uh...

Death

On September 29, 1998, the Super Nintendo was nearly murdered by an assassin. No one knows who the assassin was, or even whether it was an assassin at all. Let us tell you now it absolutely was not an assassin. But who ever the assassin wasn't, the Super Nintendo was nearly dead and the Nintendo 64 was about to conquer half the known world, before being almost murdered by a combination of John Hinckley, Jr.'s influence on the Sony Playstation. Super Nintendo had a living will stating that life support be removed when the Nintendo 64 was able to carry the company on her own. With Nintendo's blessing the 64 was pushed to the full forefront and the Super Nintendo lingered on for 3 days before finally dying on October 2, 1998. Her deceased highness currently lies interred in a spectacular sepulchre in her home city of Tokyo, Japan, guarded by Ninjas and protected by ancient Mario curses against the marauding Playstation hordes.

Legacy

Nerd

A man who never bought a Super Nintendo since it didn't have a Ghostbusters game, he instead stuck with the regular Nintendo version. He killed himself 5 years later (or so we're told.)

The Super Nintendo, despite its nefarious past, is a really terrific video game system if you just get to know it. Although at first people are put off by it's awful fashion sense, many come to realize that it's all everybody needs in a video game system. Males dating the system were put off at first by the lack of "door" on the front of the system like it's mother had, it won't stand you up or cheat on you with Segas.

Trivia



  • Super Nintendo almost had an attachment to make the Beta VCR work with the console. It was never made.
  • Woody Allen has Super Nintendos all over his house to attract young Japanese kids. It only worked for young boys, and he gave the systems to Roman Polanski.
  • The Super Nintendo has no place in our new and stronger world without classic gaming around.
  • A Super Nintendo could have saved Vic Morrow's life.
  • In 42 days time, the Super Nintendo might finally be charged with something.
  • Tony Soprano made his start by bootlegging Super Nintendos. He made a fortune.
  • The chances of acquiring yellow fever was reportedly high with the Super Nintendo due to it's high number of RPG's. These rumors are unsubstantiated.
  • Super Nintendos were more powerful then the computers that launched Sputnik, if Sputnik was from the mushroom kingdom anyway.
  • Nostrodamus prophesied the advent of The Super Nintendo many millenia before its first press release.
  • Jack Thompson has sued the Super Nintendo 9 times in the last 72 hours. It beat the rap every time.
  • "Super Nintendo" is short for "Super Fantastic Advanced Non Sega Console Television Game Machine Toy", Super Nintendo was found to be more marketable by a narrow margin.
  • Super Nintendos despite their age were almost dropped on Iraq as a way to promote peace in the region. They are just that awesome.
  • Mr. T has a solid gold Super Nintendo. It pities the fool who owns the regular prissy almost purple colored Super Nintendo.
  • Chuck Norris owns 35 Super Nintendos. Along with 35 copies of every Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat game.
  • There are many forums dedicated to people who want to *be* Super Nintendos. They are called 'Flossies'. Nobody said they were good at naming themselves.
  • NASA is currently working on a prototype version of something they call the SNES Probe, using twelve series-wired Super Nintendo systems, a dry-cell camping battery and three dead marmots, all contained within a plastic shell that looks like a stretched-out version of the bomb that kid made in The Manhattan Project. Recent attempts to fire it into MTV studios have so far resulted only in programs only moderately less stultifying than "The Real World".

See also

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