Super Friends

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Super Friends.

“Meanwhile, inside Wonder Woman's bra!”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Super Friends

“Apache penis,EEEEEEE-KNOCK-CHUUUUUUUUCK!”

~ Apache Chief to a hooker

“For Christ's sake, Buttercup! I'm not into you!”

~ Robin before getting raped by Buttercup

“I pity the foo's in the Legion of Doom!”

~ Mr. T on the Super Friends

“I'm telling you guys, Wonder Woman tried to rape ME!”

~ Plastic Man on his expulsion from the Super Friends

“Pop it, lock it, break the pickle, now tickle my bat pickle”

~ Batman to Wonder Woman on their relationship

“Hey, why aren't we mentioned?”

~ the Wonder Twins on their abscence from the article

“BECAUSE YOU SUCK!”

~ Mona Lisa on the Wonder Twins

Banding together to protect the world from the forces of evil, and from evil pancakes, the SuperFriends are the first super team to have "minority" members (this was actually cause Black Vulcan threatened to get Johnnie Cochran and sue the SuperFriends for refusing his membership earlier and make them seem like racists).

[edit] Members

[edit] Superman

Main article: Superman

Look up in the sky! It's Brian Boitano!

Among the most powerful superheroes in the world, second only to Jesus, Superman enforces his leadership of the SuperFriends with an iron fist, and kills anyone who dares undermine his authority.

[edit] Batman

Main article: Batman

One of the only members without super powers, Batman makes up for it by having a kickass car, an assload of money, and scoring with the ladies. He is currently banging Wonder Woman.

Check out this bling bling, ladies!

[edit] Wonder Woman

Main article: Wonder Woman

An outright slut, Wonder Woman only joined the Superfriends just to get her mother to shut up about her not having a man in her life. Currently she's doing it with Batman.

[edit] Aquaman

Main article: Aquaman

The most useless member of the team, Aquaman is only on the team so the other members can feel good about themselves. Surely, there's no one more useless then Aquaman.

[edit] Robin

Main article: Robin

Batman's homo sidekick, Robin soooooooo wants to bang Aquaman. He is currently seeing Zac Efron.

I'm comin' Zac baby!

[edit] Green Lantern

Main article: Green Lantern

Just some guy with a ring, not much else. Despite being one of the most powerful Super Friends, Green Lantern also has the most retarded weakness: the color yellow. I mean, a bad guy could blind him with a banana, and the ring can't do jack to protect him. All in all, GL's weakness is pretty stupid, even stupider than Aquaman's, if that's even possible.

[edit] the Flash

Main article: The Flash

The Fastest Man Alive, the Flash is the only person to outrun Superman, and still brags about it to this day. He can also bang Lois Lane faster than Superman, ooooooohhhhh!

[edit] Hawkman

Apparently I was wrong about there being no one worse than Aquaman, as Hawkman's only power is flying, which makes him pretty easy to beat. His real name is Katar Hol, and he's a cop from this place called Thanagar, where everyone has giant bird like wings coming out of their backs. Somehow, he still considers this a superpower, and it is because of this that he never wins a fight.

[edit] Apache Chief

Apache Chief was this guy who was given the ability to grow fifty feet tall by shouting "Enuck Chuck (Death to white people)!" via "magic powder", and was told to use his newfound powers to get back at white people for taking his people's land from them. By joining the SuperFriends, Apache Chief was almost close to completing his plan to wipe out all the white people, but was kicked out of the SuperFriends for his constant flashing at his giant size.

Apache Chief, ready to take back his people's land from the white skinned devils.

[edit] Samurai

Samurai was once a Japanese history teacher, until Buddah gave him magic powers. With the abilities to turn into or control the wind, turn invisible, self immolation, and the power to cast illusions, as well as a super sized penis,and donning a really revealing costume, Samurai joined the SuperFriends, and was the first man to get his ass whooped by Wonder Woman for trying to harrass her awesome boobage (plus she was already dating Batman). He is currently dating Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls.

[edit] Black Vulcan

As mentioned above, Black Vulcan threatned to sue the SuperFriends for denying him membership due to his skin color. The real reason they didn't let him in was because he was ripping off an already existing superhero called Black Lightning, who had the same electrokinetic powers, and if they let him in, Black Lightning would sue them too. Sadly, Black Vulcan died in when Spongebob Squarepants anally raped him, then shot him in the head.

Hey, there's the guy that killed Black Vulcan! LET'S LYNCH HIM!

[edit] MC Hammer

Following Black Vulcan's mortifying death, MC Hammer took his place. What makes him the Greatest SuperFriend of all is that no one, not even Superman, can beat him when it's HAMMER TIME!

[edit] El Dorado

An illegal immigrant, El Dorado is somehow more useless than Aquaman and Hawkman combined. His only powers include teleportation and the power to create illusions with his eyes, which are normally useful, unless they're your only powers, 'cause then you're fucked. The other Super Friends use him for all the hard labor around the Hall of Justice as away to keep the authorities from finding him.