Sugar
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[edit] The Effects of Sugar
Sugar makes you go insane, your legs wave about uncontrollably in all directions, or possibly even asplode. Just look at this picture of You, who frequently eat so much sugar that their ears bleed.
What a disgrace to to all human life!
Japan is leading the way forward by making sugar possession and consumption a criminal offense, punishable by genital removal, plus surgery to enlarge the ears.
Sir Alan Sugar is a highly evolved sugar from the sugarian empire that Steve Whore King has classified as the biggest threat to mankind since "Dickinson's Real Deals" made 382,492,927 individuals suicidal. Steve Whore King couldn't successfully commit suicide however without the help of his slaves who, as an act of evil, force fed him curry 24/7. Steve Whore King put a stop to this when he used his telekenesis to kick some butt.
[edit] Sugar for Weight Control
In recent years, there has been a surge of people discovering the benefits of using sugar to control weight. Particularly in England, where you can see from its movies and television ads that the citizens are downright anorexic, sugar is helping the English to "fill themselves out" and put some meat on their bones. This is all thanks to the late Dr. Atkins, who bravely defied every other doctor in the world to challenge the long-standing and unquestioned calories taken in = calories pooped out theory.
Also, there is now a large amount of scientific evidence to prove that the more sugar you eat, the bigger your fingers are.
Strangely, scientists have now discovered a way to make sugar with toe jam, meaning that weight off your person is drastically reduced then drastically gained 3 months later.
[edit] Natural Sources
The most common natural source of sugar is baby girls. The sugar is filtered out from the other constituents using a centrifuge, long considered the most effective form of separation, though passage through a meat grinder quickens the process. Babies are often injected with Botox in order to increase yields, though PETA recommends the application of nicotine patches to all exposed skin instead. Environmentalists have argued that the toxic byproducts created by the centrifuge are damaging to the environment, but specialists (aka "Sugar Daddies") counter that the loss of mere human larvae in the process does far more to protect the environment by slowing population growth and attendant ills than would switching to alternative sources, which include: grass clippings, Depleted Kitten, and radioactive waste (often used in gelatin-based sweets). Al Gore admits that the Sugar Daddy argument is "An Inconvenient Truth." Glucose and Sucrose are types of sugar, as is cement. LOL!
Baby batter is the most toxic byproduct of sugar extraction, but the industry safely disposes of it by force-feeding Perez Hilton. Seriously, fuck that guy!
[edit] The Truth which is not A FILTHY LIE
Sugar has been found to cause instant lung and bowel cancer and heart attacks and increase one's physical physique and performance by a whopping -136.2 percent! This is not good news, folks, especially if you are Irish (or without legs)! Please stop eating this nasty stuff and do not continue eating it as much as you want! STOP AND DO NOT CONTINUE! YES, PLEASE DON'T! CONTINUE ABSTAINING RIGHT NOW OR ELSE YOU WILL DIE!! This article will now self-destruct in 2 minutes!
[edit] History
The one person to eat as much sugar as they can is John Prescott...who will try to lick all caster sugar from your table, if you are trying to make a home made rocket.
