From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
As we all know in the modern age the woman's febrile mind simply cannot take a complex or difficult decision and this accounts for the failure of the Suffragette movement. Led by extremist militant lesbians the aim of the association was to give women basic rights such as free speech and ability to make their own decisions flying in the face of all scientific knowledge. Following the failure of the movement as a whole the leaders were fired into deep space so that such madness would never trouble the world again.
Naturally as any good pipe-smoking man will know a woman need only iron a man's cravatte to find the simple enjoyments of life. However, sometimes new ideas when occasioned with drink and drugs mean a women can easily get ideas far above her station such as speaking out of turn. Whilst a good slap is normally enough to quiet even the most hysterical female or in extreme circumstances chloroform with a smack around the head with a chair for good measure women simply went mad during the Suffragette period. Numerous theories abound as to why this was the case some say alien infection or they were all replaced with robots although this might just be movie rehashes, nobody is quite sure. What can be said for sure is that the movement formalized around Emile Pankhurst originally a transvestite nymphomaniac who upon a semi-botched sex change became Emiline Pankhurst. Possibly through a diffusion of her hormones women became susceptible to her dangerous ideology of female liberation, or maybe by her cadre of high powered lesbians, the suffragists who generally got the jist of it all but were a touch confused throughout although a formidable source of muscle.
edit The Movement
As any fool knows women are prone to menstruating everywhere and ruining a fine time with their ovaries and therefore any reason for them to be included in power is pure madness. Despite this the women's movement made progress across America and Britain in particular during the early 20th Century, quite clearly the leash to the kitchen had been left too loose. Famously one Suffragette, a pornstar called Veronica Vodka, allowed herself to be mounted by the King's horse at the North Piddle Derby although died of internal haemorrhaging. This caused scandal as she was carrying virulent syphilis which led to the death of the King's horse causing high scandal. Famously they also engaged in a hunger strike where they refused to make their husbands' dinner and even went as far as to not iron their shirts. No doubt this terrible indolence on the part of women helped nearly take them to the brink of success. Luckily senses were regained resulting in women being righteously domestically abused and so put back in their place. Emiline Pankhurst and her suffragists lesbian cohorts were swiftly placed in stasis pending investigation and following a tribunal headed by the excellent right minded men of O.J. Simpson, Kobe Bryant, Ike Turner and Jack the Ripper condemned them to be sent into deep space.
As noted they would go to virtually any length to publicize their cause including public sex acts, in particular bondage. They regularly chained themselves to politicians and forced them to copulate. Less extreme and more common was minor insurrection in the home such as failure to lick a man's boots clean when he came home and sometimes pretending they had a severe headache when their husband demanded sex. Their calls for greater recognition of women was already madness but they went further to extremes and created an ideology of being able to vote, this would have of course doomed modern civilization to fretting about hair curlers and whether they had turned the oven off thus ending all known civilization.
Such extreme consequences luckily never happened and instead sanity returned. Women were more carefully controlled than before and educated to be able to overcome their base hormonal thoughts and instead stand quietly in the corner. Modern scientific study into the femal psychology gained much greater importance and led to such important discoveries as the minute size of the female brain and its inability to take in information of any great complexity or depth. Women's rights have gradually improved however with this understanding and now they are well known to be able to perform menial tasks of repetition such as typing or being a cheap prostitute.
Symbolism was very important to the Suffragettes as women cannot understand much more than the visual. The women would go out with poorly applied makeup and ruffled clothing, quite an impropriety which was often rewarded with a sharp but fair stab in the leg. Men duly responded by drawing extremely humorous penises on women's head when they slept which naturally also resulted in a swift stabbing if one were to leave the house without knowing it was there.