Sudden Death Twister
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Sudden Death Twister is a variation of the popular game discovered in an Afghan cave by Chuck Foley, Neil Rabens, and Oprah Winfrey. It involves the familiar gameplay of looking stupid while trying to touch a pattern of dots, and adds a touch of mortal danger into the mix. There are several variations which involve various hazards, such as spikes in floors, high voltage electricity, lava, barbed wire, firearms, lasers, swords, snakes on a plane, and Chuck Norris jokes. A copyright suit filed by Austin Powers prevented both sharks and lasers from appearing in the same game, so the Creator chose lasers.
Rules of Play
Play is like normal Twister, only that if you fall, you die, usually in a trap of some kind. The playing field consists of a grid of 4.5 dots by 5 dots, of the colours red, blue, green, yellow, and orange. These dots exist on top of tall, unstable pillars, and a particular hazard on the bottom. The poles are separated by 2 feet and 13 inches of empty space.
One player spins a spinner to choose a random colour, body part, and number. Each player must then move to the color, without falling, and without using the selected body part. Each player has 6.182 seconds to reach their destination, and if they fail, they will be shot, even if they already fell to their death. The winner is the last person left alive, and he or she is promptly shot. Second place goes to the least painful of the previous deaths.
In 1367, 5 years after the discovery of Twister, documentation on how the game was played was found in the same cave, which since then had become a popular tourist attraction. The documents were discovered underneath the original location of the stone playing mat, under about half an inch of dirt.
Foley, Rabens, and Winfrey decided to try the game out. About five minutes into the game, they were overcome with boredom. Thus, the game of Sudden Death Twister was born. All three enjoyed playing the game, and it remains a mystery to this day how any of them survived.
The first commercial version of the game, released in 1392, had as hazards spikes, lava, and sharks. Oprah hated sharks, and opposed the inclusion of them in the first game. Foley and Rabens then claimed credit for the game's discovery themselves. They were able to do so by abusing copyright laws, and also with the support of George W. Bush. To this day, Oprah still receives no credit for the game's discovery, and Foley and Rabens now claim it as their "invention." Oprah has disputed the lack of credit she believes she is due for the game, and a series of of questionable instant messages to Foley while filming her talk show has come into the possession of CCN news. (See also Celebrity IM Scandals ).
In 1400, to commemorate the new century, they released another version, adding in the hazards of barbed wire, swords, and the always-lethal Chuck Norris jokes. With the invention of electricity in 1417 by Albert Einstein, high voltage electric shocks were added into the game. Rabens later died of a severe allergic reaction to electricity.
Lasers and firearms were added in 1453. In 1532, Austin Powers claimed that the game violated his copyrights on films made in 1498. He had no right to make such claims, but because he was rich, he was able to bully Foley into removing the sharks.