Suburbia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Motto: "My six-figure salary entitles me to bitch." | |||||
| Anthem: "Shiny Happy People" by R.E.M. | |||||
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| Capital | West Oak Park Field, U.S.A. | ||||
| Largest city | North Oak Park Field, U.S.A. | ||||
| Official languages | texting | ||||
| Government | Feudal Capitalism | ||||
| President | Mike Brady | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Dr. Phil, Oprah, Kelly Ripa, Jesus Of Suburbia | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | A.D. 1967 | ||||
| Currency | credit | ||||
| Religion | Protestant Consumerism | ||||
“We are the stories and disciples of the Jesus of Suburbia”
“Yeah, like, this place totally sucks.”
“Where the hell am I? Why do all these God damn houses look the same? Why the hell did they move out here, anyway? Wait . . . is that? . . . Not another f***ing cul-de-sac!”
Suburbia is a mythical land which, according to most middle-American legends, is filled with fairies, enchantment, and sport utility vehicles. Certain Native American trickster tales suggest that it was founded by Paul Bunyan and June Cleaver as a safe haven from two anthropomorphic, urban-dwelling rats who continually plagued the couple with world domination plots and poorly funded public schools. To save themselves and their future Harvard-bound progeny, Bunyan and Cleaver bought a plot of unspoiled meadowland 40 minutes from the nearest urban center and tore the shit out of it, creating a labyrinthine maze of tan, off-tan, and off-off-tan structures inhabited by Suburbanites, a chai and latte-sipping tribe that feasts on the shattered dreams of urban people and the backward naivete of rural folk. In Australia, a girl called Philippa Rasmussen believes her house to be part of suburbia. This is not true, do not believe her lies.
[edit] Inhabitants
Sixty-five percent of Suburban teenagers are named Katie, regardless of their gender, while the remaining 35 percent are named Jacob, Taylor, and Josh. Forty-one percent now classify themselves as emo, thirty-eight percent label themselves as jocks, twenty-five percent are pot heads and nineteen percent are nerds.
[edit] Suburbian cuisine
Suburban cuisine consists mostly of Applebee's, but other notable ethnic cuisines include T.G.I. Friday's, Ruby Tuesday, and (for the daring) Pizza Hut.
