Stuffing
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“But it's a salad food!”
~ John Wilcock on stuffing
Stuffing is a semi-organic construction material which is occasionally used as an emergency filling for eviscerated turkeys and eviscerated pillows, or sometimes even eaten just for the hell of it.
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[edit] An Insidious Problem Begging for a Solution
The idea of stuffing was originally conceived in the Dark Ages by feudalistic pheasants peasants, when they discovered that the innards of most game birds (livers, kidneys, intestines, gizzards, appendixes, brains, ptuitary glands, testicles, white meat, shrapnel, ingrown feathers, McNuggets, etc.) were, well, just plain icky. Since the removal of all the disgusting parts of the bird usually left a huge gaping hole, it was decided (after much soul searching and acrimonious debate) to fill it with something more palatable. Many semi-organic substances were tested and ultimately rejected, including ketchup, discarded newspapers, wheaties, asbestos, Cheez Whiz, and dust bunnies.
[edit] The Indians Offer Assistance, but They Get Shot Anyway
The insidious problem languished for many centuries until 1621, when the Indian Americans humbly suggested to the impovershed colonial Puritans to try a mixture of corn bread, oregano, and Elmer's glue. For this stunning innovation, the colonial Puritans thanked the Indian Americans with many accolades and award shows and Nobel Prizes and Uncyclopedia write-ups before stealing their lands and shooting them.
[edit] Stuffing Today
Today, stuffing is a multi-trillion dollar global industry. Fully 99% of all modern stuffing is manufactured and cooked to perfection in a fraction of a second by immense industrial microwave ovens for immediate consumption by people with short attention spans. The other 1% is used solely on Thanksgiving Day in a heroic (but futile) effort to resuscitate dead turkeys.
