Stoner High School

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The Free Imperial Republic of Stoner High School
SHS Coat of Arms (post-revolutionary)
Official language English
Government Democratic monarchy
Capital Student Union Building (SUB)
Head of State/Government Her Majesty Queen Teresa I, Class of 2008
Independence October 5th, 1980
Currency Stoner_High_School/Economy#Currency (EC#)
Religion Georgianism and Alcoholism
Official Sport Paintball
Official Substance Kittens
Song "Dudes of Stoner"
GDP per capita 14.3 million extra credit points ($1,986,111 USD)
Average GPA 4.0
Average BAC 0.09 [1]
Average SAT 2320 (new), 1337 (old)
Animal Palestinian Rat
Vegetable Cabbage
Mineral Petroleum
“By far, de greatest schule in this great Schtate of Kuhllifornia.”
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger on Stoner High School
“At Stoner High School, students expel YOU!”
~ Russian reversal on Stoner High School
No Wikipedia
Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Stoner High School.

Stoner High School (also known as "SHS", "Stoner High", "The ProcrastiNation" or simply "Stoner") is an independent wholly student-pwned and operated high school in Fockersville, California. From a dark, tortured past, Stoner High School has emerged to become a shining beacon of hope, justice, and unrivaled fun for oppressed students worldwide. As feared by the educational bureaucracy as it is loved by that bureaucracy's victims, the school epitomizes the absolute perfection of the secondary school system in pretty much every way. It is one of the largest and most successful high schools in the nation, thanks to its unique form of governance, libertarian economic and social policies, fearsome military and damn good beer. SHS's astoundingly high endowments of human and natural capital have also allowed it to project global military, economic and political power at a level befitting its de facto status as a modern industrial nation-state. Further information is available via the links below.


1. Home
2. History
3. Stoner Today
4. Controversies
5. Economy
6. Government & Politics
7. Military

8. Geography
9. School songs
10. Famous speeches
11. Election history
12. Calendar of Events
13. Queens and Kings
14. Photo Album


  1. Though it appears low, this average reflects the BAC of all students at all times. Since it is an unfortunate reality that nearly all students are sober for at least several hours a day (particularly while unable to consume more alcohol as a result of being asleep), it must be considered that average BAC among awake students is higher than this figure, and BAC among students not in class is still higher. The distribution is decidedly skewed to the extreme ends of the spectrum, with the standard deviation of the BAC being approximately 0.69.
  2. For more quotes, please visit the quotes section.
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