Stoner High School/Geography

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Hill 420, a heavily fortified complex on the grounds of Stoner High School. Believed to house several nuclear missile silos.

Stoner High School is located in Fockersville, California, which was named after William Travis Focker, although this fact is often lost to students in favor of a more amusing etymology. Fockersville is located near the middle of the state on the coast; the Stoner Campus's western border is the Pacific coastline, where the school navy regularly holds maneuver exercises and gunnery drills.

Most of Stoner High's terrain is fairly flat, although there are a few artificial hills and numerous man-made fortifications built for defensive purposes. The weather is fairly mild thanks to the school's oceanside location.


Queen Tiffany I, first Queen of Stoner High School, enjoys SHS weather - April, 1980.

The school campus

The campus itself is built up in the manner of an office park, with most buildings connected to the various academic (or non-academic, in the case of, among others, the brewery and the arsenal) departments. Virtually all the buildings date from two periods: the early 1980s, and the mid-1990s, which were the two periods during which the most construction was undertaken. There are several skyscrapers including the Student Union Building (SUB) and the Monument of the Revolution, among others. The urban campus is bisected by Easy Street and Lazy Street; the intersection of Eazy and Lazy, marked by a giant circular beer fountain, is the school's social and economic center and the site of the SUB.

The grounds & perimeter defenses


Antiaircraft cannons set up on Stoner's athletic fields, March 1981.

Stoner High School's main campus originally comprised only a few hundred acres, but subsequent purchases financed with oil revenue have expanded it to approximately 15,000 acres. The SHS government also has a large investment portfolio of large tracts of land around the world, although it does not, strictly speaking, exercise sovereign control over them.

A variety of terrain surrounds the campus including meadows, forests, ponds, and various athletic fields. At the very periphery of the school grounds there is an outer perimeter of three defensive walls punctuated by pillboxes, guard towers, barbed wire, searchlights, machine gun nests, artillery batteries, field guns, mortar emplacements, sniper hides, minefields and blockhouses. It is still maintained in perfect working order. A large demolition firm in Fockersville has a contract to clean out the bodies of BHUSD troops outside perimeter weekly, as they tend to pile up quite rapidly.

Plant and animal life


Due to repeated thefts of Twinkie stocks, raccoons have been declared Enemies of the State.

Animal and plant species are limited to those permitted by the school government and these regulations are strictly maintained. Of particular concern are bears and raccoons which have in the past attacked students who were eating Twinkies in order to steal them. These tend to be run down by angry mobs (as well as the various student militias), arrested, tried, convicted, and shot.

Stoner does, however, have a large variety of cultivated and decorative plant species. Hemp is one of the more famous, although the more nutritious (albeit less amusing) wheats are more often grown for the purposes of beer production. Furthermore, if the school were to come under siege for any significant period of time the wheat crop could also be turned to less fun but more sustaining uses. These various plants tend to be grown hydroponically in greenhouses or on designated plots of campus grounds where fertile soil and a good climate guarantee quality. A tree biologically engineered by the AP Biology department has been recently developed which grows a cone that tastes quite similar to a Twinkie. The maturation of these trees and the first harvest season is eagerly anticipated.


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