Stoner High School/Economy

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This article is part of the Stoner High School series.
Tina fey
The Rt. Hon Lady Tina Fey PC, math genius and Stoner High School's 8th Minister of Finance - Class of 1988.

Economy

Stoner High School's economy is organized on capitalistic lines, with most economic activity controlled by private students. The GDP of Stoner High School is approximately 7.15 trillion extra credit points, or $993 billion US dollars, making it the 10th largest economy in the world.

Private sector

Virtually all business on Stoner's campus are wholly pwned and operated by students who want to make a few extra credit points. These range from guys on the street selling kittens by the dozen (for huffing) to large-scale mercantile and manufacturing enterprises.

Most of Stoner's companies including Stoner Airlines, PetroStoner, the SHS Transit Authority, and others are publicly traded on the Stoner High School Stock Exchange (SHSSE). Commodities are traded on the Stoner High School Mercantile Exchange (SHSME).

Shsex
The government sometimes attempts to boost the sexual economy through "stimulus packages" such as this one.

"Piracy"

While prostitution and pornography is not illegal, all attempts to establish bordellos at Stoner have failed, much as attempts by iTunes to sell tracks at Stoner and Vivid to sell porn at Stoner have failed. High-level marketing executives at the leading prostitution firms have come to the conclusion that the Stoner target market is unwilling to pay for things that can be obtained for free at the school. SHS's status as a file-sharing haven for porn and music has enraged many porn/record-industry lobbyists over the years, but they have been utterly powerless to take action against the school or its students and alums, as SHS either ignores the claims made against itself or manages to "arrange" court victories for students and alums subject to foreign jurisdiction if need be.

Sexual economy

A significant informal economy exists in the place of the nonexistent sex industry wherein students barter with each other for such services. This casual "quid pro quo" arrangement is generally viewed as a much more fun way of getting it on despite the fact that it is severely handicapped by the classic flaw of bartering: the double coincidence of wants. Stoner's economists mostly believe that sexual liquidity at Stoner is sufficient with the barter system; therefore, moving to a monetary exchange paradigm is viewed as unnecessary. The system is also believed to further enhance the quality of relationships between the transacting parties.

International trade

The school is essentially free of all controls by external local, state, and federal authorities and no longer receives public funds thanks to its oil reserves and large investment portfolio. However, because of its location, Stoner High School's economy is quite interconnected with the Californian economy as well as the greater American economy. Stoner's main exports to the U.S. are petroleum, geniuses, investment capital, and computers, while its main imports are raw materials, electronic components, machinery, alcohol, and military hardware.

One of the most popular SHS exports is clothing branded with the school's coat of arms.

Foreign trade

While Stoner's main trading partner is of course the US, new free trade agreements were signed in 2010 and 2011 under King Ryan I and Queen Tiffany IV. These agreements permitted unprecedented access to foreign markets for Stoner goods such as computers, weapons, ammunition, drugs and other valuable commodities. Stoner's location near both the Pacific Rim and the Panama Canal position it ideally for global commerce. Major trading partners include South Korea, Japan, the Republic of China (Taiwan), Canada, Mexico, Colombia, the European Union and Australia.

Refinery
PetroStoner joint-stock company refinery.

Investment porfolio

Stoner High School pwns a 37% stake in Exxon Mobil, a 35% stake in Bank of America, a 31% stake in General Electric, a 28% stake in IBM, a 25% stake in Boeing, a 21% stake in Citigroup, a 75% stake in Colt Industries, a 69% stake in Playboy, an 18% stake in Southwest Airlines, and a 15% stake in Google and varying amounts of many other companies. It also exercises complete control over the New York Stock Exchange, the Securities and Exchange Commisson, and the United States Postal Service through a series of shell companies. As such, it is one of the most influential institutional investors in the United States, possibly more powerful than J.P. Morgan or the Jews. The Stoner High School Minister of Finance is one of the most powerful officials in financial circles, eclipsed only by the Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board.

Natural resources

Recent discoveries of diamond and gold deposits under Baseball Diamond No. 3 have further improved Stoner's economic prospects. The size of the diamond deposit in particular has destroyed the De Beers cartel's stranglehold on the diamond market and is estimated to exceed known reserves in the rest of the solar system.

Government's role in the economy

Currency

Students in the service of the student government are paid in the local currency, extra credit points. The exchange rate as of 2006 is 7.4 extra credit points to the dollar. Extra Credit Point banknotes are available in the 10000, 1000, 500, 250, 100, 50, and 10 denominations. Coins are available in the 10, 5, 2.5, and 1 denominations. Commemorative banknotes in the denomination of 1337, 666 and 420 and coins in the denomination of 69 are issued at various times of the year. Engraving is traditionally the role of AP art classes, while currency printing is done by the Ministry of Finance and coin minting is the responsibility of the school foundry. As suggested by the name, ECPs may be cashed in any class to increase one's grade.

Tastykittens
A street vendor at Stoner High offers a dozen fresh kittens for huffing.

Monetary policy/Grade inflation

Stoner's macroeconomic policies with regard to the supply of extra credit points are sometimes accused of producing massive grade inflation; however, many Stoner economists believe that in the long run, the financial support of successful Stoner alumni who attend elite colleges (thanks to their meteoric GPAs) and become leaders in business, politics, and other fields outweighs any devaluation of the currency; indeed, remittances and donations from alumni (most of whom credit Stoner with making them the successful people they are) make up 13.37% of the school's annual budget. This does not include endowment contributions and the resulting revenue, which is believed to be quite substantial but is not made public.

The nature of the extra credit point is a unique incentive system untried by any other school. While every student is virtually guaranteed a 4.0 grade-point average (straight As), high-performing students do not need to cash many of their extra credit points to obtain straight As and are thus free to spend their extra credit points on booze, drugs, Twinkies, guns and limousine service among other luxuries. Low-performing students are thus motivated to work harder not because of artificial and arbitrary grading standards but because they want to get hella crunked and have pimp rides.



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