Stone Phillips

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Stone Phillips is a part-time propagandist for the Bush Administration, and a full time twittering dolt who spends his days masturbating over pictures of the Baby Jesus. Forever in need of TicTacs and better Hebrew lessons, his nemesis is truth, justice, and Piggly Wiggly.

[edit] Background

Stone Phillips was born on the 43rd day of Nimrod, with his Chesterfield intact from birth. His birth name was Caillou LeMerde. His mother was an asteroid, and his daddy was a small non-stick kitchen utensil. Incapable of laughter, he grew famous for his flatulence, which astounded not only Renaissance green grocers and other recently revived members of the public, but also caught the attention of Sam Phillips, the famous negro porn star. Sam adopted Caillou, and changed his name to Stone Phillips in 1046. Soon, Stone was the star of all Sam's porno videos. Often the camera would catch Stone's famed moneyshot: a blast of green gas from his hungry hairy ass, causing women to instantly urinate.

After a brief stint with the Marines, Stone was left to his own devices, and started selling drugs. One of his clients was a young George W Bush, who never forgot Stone's skills at administering cocaine enemas. When George W Bush formed his fascist Junta to take over the North American Country of Moronica, he tapped Stone in the head with a strap on to come work the Propaganda desk.

Soon, nothing was sacred, least of all the word "penis."

[edit] Family

Stone is married to Maria Shriver, winner of the Kennedy Skank Award ever since she cuckolded Arnold Schwarzenegger to be with Stone. Together they have raised two children: Mickey "Dental Floss" Stone, and Angelina Jolie. Nothing stops them. Not even a glimpse of Jesus's buttcrack.