Stick

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m (removed Category:Weapons; added Category:Hand-to-hand weapons; Must... categorise... everything.)
(Playing "Kill Your Sister With A Stick")
 
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KYSWAT - Pointy Stick Deluxe Edition
 
KYSWAT - Pointy Stick Deluxe Edition
 
KYSWAT - Limited Edition Poison Stick Edition
 
KYSWAT - Limited Edition Poison Stick Edition
  +
Other uses: Russian special forces during the forty years of the cold war...that's why they lost...

Latest revision as of 14:20, September 20, 2011

“It's the Gnarled Staff of Ass Whoop. It does 1d4 damage.”
~ Sean Howard on sticks
“Ow, stop hitting me with that!”
~ School Nerd on Bully with a stick
“Oh... so that's what you guys are calling it these days....”
~ Oscar Wilde on Sticks
“What's brown and sticky?”
~ Eddie Murphy on Sticks
Big-tree-400

A huge collection of potential sticks

A stick (Scientific Name: Danneus Pongannus) is a smallish portable section of bifurcated tree. The point at which bifurcation occurs is fundamental to the stickiness of the stick. Too early, and you still have a tree. Too late, and you have a twig.

In 1893, a group of German scientists attempted to formulate a standard definition of the stick in order to prevent illiterate anarchy from spreading amongst the peasantry. They concluded that for something to be a stick, it must be capable of being carried comfortably to Liepzig by a Prussian nobleman on a horse. This definition ruled out trees, but not twigs.

The stickologist, Toddy Jungfrau later proved that the being of a stick is a factor relative to the general space-time continuum of all things including honey. For a huge mastodon, a tree is a stick. A twig, likewise, is a stick for a wasp. The stick, in the absolute sense of the word, does not therefore exist.

Despite the proven non-existence of sticks, they continue to remain hugely popular among dogs and beavers. In a stickless world, the entire beaver economy would collapse and dogs would be compelled to write long poems about meaninglessness.

edit Popular uses for a stick

edit Making a House

Steve-Irwin

This man enjoys enjoyed poking at things with sticks

For a long time, humans, like beavers, built houses from sticks. The 'Stick N Shit' condominium was highly popular all over northern Europe, almost as far as Bruges. These homes were mostly for the middle classes. The peasantry lived in holes in the ground and the very rich had castles. The home fell in popularity with the advent of the brick.

edit Poking things

Main article: Stick poking

The urge to poke something with a stick is almost overwhelming. Even Jesus, when casting the money lenders out of the temple, paused to poke at a fishwife with a stick. Modern Australian man, Mr. Steve Irwin, made a fortune from poking crocodiles with sticks and then running away. Other items that people enjoy poking with sticks include:

edit Shaking at large numbers of things

Vicrotiaskinnybitch

An excellent example of a... oh shi- that's not a..! Oh well close enough.

When there is a multitude (or indeed a plethora) or anything, it is usually possible to shake a stick at it. When that number of something exceeds that number (n, where n=s+1, where s is 'the number of things you can shake a stick at') the number of things becomes mindboggling. A mindboggling number is therefore s+1, or, indeed, n.

Being able to shake a stick at something is proof that there is not an excess of it. When there is an excess of, say cream buns, one really ought to say "there were more London buses than you could shake a stick at".

edit Playing "Kill Your Sister With A Stick"

Awsomestick

The best stick ever.

KYSWAT (Pronounced Kiss-What) Is a game created in Victorian England by the fabled Brotherhood of Monkey Awsometude which has recently been adopted as the national pastime in both Malta and Mali.

The instructions are simple enough to guarantee entertainment

1) Kill your sister with a stick

2) Be Creative

Variations Include :

                    KYSWAT - Brother Edition
                    KYSWAT - Random Stranger Edition
                    KYSWAT - Pointy Stick Deluxe Edition
                    KYSWAT - Limited Edition Poison Stick Edition

Other uses: Russian special forces during the forty years of the cold war...that's why they lost...

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