Stevie Wonder
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“Hahahaha... I'm hilarious.”
~ God
“Oh, gee, you can play the piano. You're still black AND blind in a prodominantly white dominated society! I STILL win, BITCH!”
~ God, once again.
“It could be worse, I could be black!”
~ Stevie Wonder on being a blind
~ Stevie Wonder on a message to Ray Charles
“jidhia ifiuofbdf 89e8fh8egf8 (*8y89wey98we JKFUHUIODkl fuck yu bhjkdsabkjhvds”
~ Stevie Wonder on again writing a message to Ray Charles
~ Stevie Wonder on yet again writing a message to Ray Charles
“You owe me money, you blind bastard!!!”
~ Someone on translation of the above
Contents |
[edit] Biography
Stevie Wonder is a black warrior priest, he has spectacular ability with the bowstaff, despite being incredibly bicurious and marginally blind. He joined the Bosnian Warrior Knights under Dr. Evil and spread the message of hate around the world. Stevie is noted as the first ever blind person.
Stevie Wonder A.K.A 'Blind Bat' was born in 1682, Matador 5, Quadron 7E192 of the outer galaxy. When he was 2 years old he lost his eyesight to a fierce toenail, the injury turning infectios and spreading through both eyes. Though his eyesight was lost, in a rare Daredevil-esque style his other senses became enhanced. After years of training with Tibetan Monks, Wonder met Demetrius Pololevil a great warrior and soon became the first recruit of the Warrior Knights. His many ablities include playing music and being able to talk to animals. Wonder's main miracle is how he harnessed his music playing and managed to use the vibrations as a sort of sonar. This is just one of Wonder's many abilities.
When he was 12, young Stevie began to wonder why his young penis was so bumpy. When he told his mom, she chuckled and said, "I'm gonna call you Stevie Wonder"
At some point, scientists decided to jam a computer into Wonder's skull, giving him the ability to see. Sadly, the first thing he saw was That Guy, and he summarily gouged out his own eyeballs.
[edit] Fun Facts About Stevie Wonder
Hey have you listened to Stevie Wonder's new album yet??? Neither has he!
- He has never seen any of his own music videos.
- He sponsers adult magazine "Brail Breasts"
- Favourite colour: Cotton
- Favourite bands: Blind (water) Melon
- Weapon of choice: Crossbow and ray eyes
- No. #1 hit in Japan: I Just Carred to Say I Rove You
- Best way to piss off Stevie Wonder is to break into his house and change the positions of furniture.
- Worked one night as a chef for Benihana
- Stevie Wonder has got a continuous smile since he heard that Ray Charles was black.
- As a 16-year-old, Wonder stabbed Motown Records labelmate Marvin Gaye to death while recording "Signed, Sealed, Delivered." No charges were ever filed. The resulting classic single, in which the music is barely audible beneath Gaye's screams of agony and Wonder's maniacal cackling, was a huge hit and stayed at #1 for three weeks.
- During a gig Stevie Wonder waves his head from side to side because he's trying to locate the microphone.
- Your Mom went to college with him.
- He holds a Guinness World Record for the most blind man alive.
- Did you know that "Endless Love" was inspired by a tennis game between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder?
- Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder sat down once to play a game of poker. Both lost.
- He was said to be one of Jacko's witness's for his trial. What the fuck is he meant to have witnessed?
- He was trained by the legendary George Lynch of Dokken in the many skills of bushcraft and woodland survival.
- Wonder swims by moving his head rapidly from side to side. But then again, he does that anyway.
- He fought for the English at Agincourt, and rode backwards into battle nailing the solo from Rust In Peace, thus delivering a crippling blow to the French Heavy Cavalry.
- Joined the French Foreign Legion and served as a sniper at Dien Bein Fu
- He can circumnavigate New Jersey by car only using his nose.
- Wonder wins every staring contest he is challenged to.
- He can't read this article, although a Braille version is available here
[edit] Discography
- "Blowin' In The Fuck Knows Where Cos I Can't See" (1974)
- "If You Really Loathe Me" (1976)
- "Superwhitestick" (1977)
- "I Wish (I Had A Guide Dog)" (1977)
- "Gangsta's Paradise- The Prequel" (1979)
- "Ribbon in my Sunglasses" (1982)
- "Anally, Vaginally" Do-I-Doet with Paul McCartney (1985)
- "Smack That Bitch Up!" A 1995 collbaoration with Tupac Shakur in response to Ray Charles and the Notorious B.I.G. after they were giving him beef at the 1994 Grammy Awards
[edit] Have You Ever Seen Stevie Wonder's Kids?
Neither has he.
