Steve Vai
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Steve "Silage" Vai (who was 6 on the 6th of June 1966) is an award winning Italian and part-time guitarist, vocalist, producer and hair stylist.
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[edit] Early Life
After a turbulent childhood playing Tetris, Vai picked up the guitar at age 12 after watching Jimmy Page touch the face of God during an extended guitar solo. Steve Vai then took lessons from Adam, who taught him the way of the semi electric hollow body maraccas. After this extensive training and a fight to the death against Stefan, he continued his quest for guitar mastery.
After initially taking lessons from Eggman, the young Steven became a hit on his local scene with flashy guitar playing and signature ability to melt faces (This ability eventually became problematic, as having your face melted is a common cause of IBS). However, undeterred by his decreasing popularity Vai became acquainted with the age of light without heat.
[edit] musical career
Steve "Silo" Vai started out professionally by playing stunt guitar, backing vocals and pizza in the Frank Zappa band, where he was eventually fired for penetrating groupies with various guitar parts.
Steve then started his hilariously pathetic film career (starred in over 100 movies), which however didn't matter as he gave this business up when he was filming a homo-erotic thriller called Crossroads, where he and fellow cast-member Ralph Maccio engaged in a nice jamming session, whereapon it violently turned into a guitar battle, Steve Vai was ultimately beaten and humiliated, so much so he dropped his one jillion dollar piebanez guitar on the floor, scuffing it slightly.
Steve then moved onto his solo music career, releasing his first record, "Fexy-Able (part 1, Suckers)" under the guise of Frank Zappa, however after Frank stated in Rolling Stone that he had not ever heard of the record, Steve admitted to the whole thing. Later Steve would release an apperent sequal to this record appropriotly named "Flexy-able Again, I Could Really Use The Money" which featured almost three seconds of new material not featured on the original, and as such was a massive success, receiving many award nominations, including three Grammys, a Tony, and Employee Of The Month.
[edit] Current career
Steve vai has recently moved to the unknown state of "montana". (presumably somewhere between the north and south poles) Where he grows tagliatelle.
[edit] His arch nemesis
Steve vai has an ongoing rivalry with his arch nemesis Breadfan, who is by all account a much better guitar player. In his spare time he enjoys keeping bees, which constantly don't pay the rent and are total dicks to him.
[edit] Discography
- Flex-able
- Flex-able again, i could really use the money
- Fasion and my hair
- Sex and the city
- Alien love tips
- Fire-crotch
- An unltra something
- 7 Songs from albums you have already paid for
- Alive ultra something
- The infinate steve vai: not literlly of course
- Real illusions: it's a paradox, buy it
- Sound theories: a brief history of the funkiverse
- My gimp mask and me
- Sexual tips from an epileptic deer strangler, with Barry White and other deep voice related things.
- Yes, I am a gimp
- Gimp part 2 (with extra shreddy bits)
[edit] inane facts
- Steve Vai's guitar solo is the only thing to ever stop a round-house kick provided by Chuck Norris.
- His mother was in fact, a horse, and the song "bad horsie" is actually just an audio recording of his birth.
- Steve vai's guitar has a handle on it because steve has a natural coating of olive oil
- Steve vai is buckethead
- His brother is Jim Varney
- steve vai did actually penetrate groupies with guitar parts, check it out on zappa wiki/jawaka under "stevies spanking"
- Steve Vai's guitars were build from the spare wood left over from Noah when he built his Ark.
- He does in fact have a 16" wang which Howard Stern became insanely jealous over, and now has a Steve Vai Shrine in his closet
Steve Vai is also known as the "BLINDFONDED WANKER" as named to him by his best and only friend.
