Steve Miller Band
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“I had always dreamed of fucking Steve Miller, but I recently found out that he was indeed married to my sister. I fucked my sister instead. Go Transitive Property!”
Steve Miller Band, also known as "Steven Miller and the Miller Lites" and "The Steve Miller experience starring Johnny Appleseed" was created in 1943 after Jonas Salk fled Nazi Germany during the second coming of Washington. It was during this time that three of the modern band members, Steve Miller, John Popinfresh, and Steve Zahn were conceived. Mr. Saulk conceived these children by successfully mating with a chimpanzee, thus giving Steve Miller his middle name, "Humanzee". Steve "Humanzee" Miller lived in rural suburban New York City State, where he learned how to read and write Portuguese while soliciting many a farm animal.
After Steve's initial success as a Quizno's delivery boy, he realized his unusual talent to sing songs that make girls wet their panties. After months of fine tuning the ability, he was signed by FuckUp Labels, a division of the Universal Brand.
One time Steve Miller was caught having sex with a Police Officer's hat and was charged thirty-eight pesos for the crime. After this almost disastrous blow to Steve's career, Steve decided that enough was enough and that he should start fucking some people right now. Steve later was quoted saying that he wished he hadn't have done this.
After the 5 straight years of orgies, Steve and his two brothers formed the Steven Miller Experience, but realized that a young punk named Jimmy Hendrix had taken that name. One night they murdered Jimmy and stole his marijuana, or happy pappy smoke as it's known by Steve and his imaginary dog, Bluto. Thus the name "Steve Miller Band" was formed.
Steve Miller Band is the son of the English entertainer The Glenn Miller Band, brother of lawyer, bon viveur and rock singer Milliband Milliband and the uncle of English politicians David and Ed Milliband.
The Early Years
When Steve decided that his goal in life was to steal the world's supply of Vodka and Cheez Whiz, he started recording such hits as "Mmm I want to be inside you" and "Don't you want me to get the paper?" which received critical acclaim but failed to live up to the three articles written about them. Seven albums were reportedly sold, five of them to Steve, and two to a strange homeless man who stalked Steve for many years to come.
Peak of their success
After the Birthday Party Massacre of '75, Steve Miller and his band were brought into the national spotlight. After appearing on The Ed Sullivan show singing their new number 10 hit "I wanna stick my Dick in Dick Clark" they recorded a variety of Number 1 hits, all of which were made in Steve's creepy basement.
When they were on top of the world, though, Steve's father, the chimp, died of heart complications from second hand smoke. Steve was crushed, and canceled his tour of Iran for the rest of the year. The Iranian government was so mad it kidnapped many US citizens and held them hostage for 444 days. This was later proven false when Steve Miller states he had made the whole thing up.
After the Iran-Condom affair with Steve, the band began to loose popularity. After a string of failures such as "K-Town", "The Joker", and "Fry Up an Eagle" the band split up and formed several new groups. Steve Zahn formed the band known as Black Sabbath, John Popinfresh formed the band Van Halen, and Steve Miller formed his new alter ego Vanilla Ice. Each band/artist failed miserably.
Comeback Tour Slaughter
The band reunited in 1985 to a mass of screaming hobos and orphans, who reportedly were so rowdy they slaughtered 300,000 Star Wars fans. To this day it remains the largest slaughter of geeks in the Western Hemisphere, coming close to beating the "Lord of the Rings Donnybrook" in Australia, where 500,000 fans were eaten by a hoard of ornery Dingos.
Where are they now?
Steve Miller currently lives in Chicago and is making good money selling drug paraphernalia and child porn. Steve Zahn suffered a Brain Hemorrhage in 1998 after snorting eight kilos of cocaine. John Popinfresh still lives with Jonas, who went blind after forgetting to wear goggles while testing out his Polio vaccine, which was also a failure.