Steve Miller Band
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“I had always dreamed of fucking Steve Miller, but I recently found out that he was indeed married to my sister. I fucked my sister instead. Go Transitive Property!”
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[edit] The Beginning
Steve Miller Band, also known as "Steven Miller and the Miller Lites" and "The Steve Miller experience starring Johnny Appleseed" was created in 1943 after Jonas Salk fled Nazi Germany during the second coming of Washington. It was during this time that three of the modern band members, Steve Miller, John Popinfresh, and Steve Zahn were conceived. Saulk conceived these children by successfully mating with a chimpanzee, thus giving the Steve Miller his middle name, "Humanzee". Steve "Humanzee" Miller lived in rural suburban New York City State, where he learned how to read and write Portugeause while soliciting many a farm animal.
After Steve's Initial Success as a Quizno's Delivery boy, he realized his unusual talent to sing songs that makes girls wet their panties. After months of fine tuning the ability, he was signed by FuckUp Labels, a division of the Universal Brand.
[edit] The Band
One time Steve Miller was caught having sex with a Police Officer's hat and was charged thirty-eight pesos for the crime. After this almost disastrous blow to Steve's career, Steve decided that enough was enough and that he should start fucking some people right now. Steve later was quoted saying that he wished he hadn't have done this.
After the 5 straight years of orgys, Steve and his 2 brothers formed the Steven Miller Experience, but realized that a young punk named Jimmy Hendrix had taken the name. One night they murdered Jimmy and stole his marijuana, or happy pappy smoke as it's known by Steve and his imaginary dog, Bluto. Thus the name "Steve Miller Band" was formed.
[edit] The Early Years
When Steve decided that his goal in life was the steal the world's supply of Vodka and Cheeze Its, he started recording such hits as "Mmm I want to be inside you" and "Don't you want me to get the paper?" which received critical acclaim but failed to live up to the three articles written about them. 7 Albums were reportedly sold, 5 of them to Steve, and 2 to a strange homeless man who stalked Steve for many years to come.
Despite their rocky start, many people began to notice their catchy beats and smooth penises. Before long, the Steve Miller Band was playing Birthday parties around the nation.
[edit] Peak of their success
After the birthday party massacre of '75, Steve Miller and his band were brought on the national spotlight. After appearing on The Ed Sullivan show singing their new number 10 hit "I wanna stick my Dick in Dick Clark" they recorded a number of number 1 hits, all of which were made in Steve's creepy basement.
When they were on top of the world, though, Steve's father, the chimp, died of heart compications from second hand smoke. Steve was crushed, and canceled his tour of Iran for the rest of the year. Iran was so mad they kidnapped many US citizens and held them hostage for 444 days. This was later proven false when Steve Miller states he had made the whole thing up.
[edit] Decline
After the Iran-Condom affair with Steve, the band began to loose popularity. After a string of failures such as "K-Town", "The Joker", and "Fry Up an Eagle" the band split up and formed many new groups.
Steve Zahn formed the band known as Black Sabbath, John Popinfresh formed the band Van Halen, and Steve Miller formed his new alter ego R Kelley. Each band/artist failed miserably.
[edit] Comeback Tour Slaughter
The band reunited in 1985 to a mass of screaming hobos and orphans, who reportedly were so roudy they slaughtered 300,000 Star Wars fans. It is the largest slaughter of geeks in the Western Hemisphere, coming close to beating the "Lord of the Rings donneybrook" in Australia, where 500,000 fans were eaten by a hoard of Orery Dingos.
[edit] Where are they now?
Steve Miller currently lives in my Basement, and is making good money selling paraphernalia and child porn. Steve Zahn suffered a brain hemerage in 1998 after snorting 8 kilos of cocaine. John Popinfresh still lives with Jonas, who went blind after forgetting to wear goggles while testing out his Polio vaccine, which was also a failure.
By ReZips
