Stereotype Reassignment Surgery
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Stereotype Reassignment Surgery is a newly invented technique allowing national, ethnic and social groups who are fed up with their current stereotypes to trade them with another group. To date, only a few groups have made use of this procedure, as extensive sociological testing is required before the operation can begin.
One of the first uses of SRS was when these two groups swapped their stereotypes. Overall, both groups are happy with the transformation, as can be seen from these testimonials:
- "As an inner city black with a low paying job, I was at the bottom of the socio-economic pile. As such, the scrabble for status was so hard, I ended up paying much of my meagre disposable income on jewellery and accessories for my car in a desperate bid for significance. Nowadays, everyone just automatically assumes that I'm rich and I don't have to do that, so my income can go towards productive investment. What's more, I'm making more money since I got a job as an accountant. The HR director who hired me said 'that's what you people are good at, isn't it?' Priceless. Thank you, SRS!" - Jaleel White, CPA. (note: as of yet, SRS has proven ineffective in eliminating stereotypical names)
- "Oh, this is great! For the first time in my life, people are picking me for sporting teams! People instantly assume that I have a big penis! I can wear fur coats in public, without the sneering already! On the down side, I do get bothered by goyishe policemen... I mean hassled by The Man a lot more than I used to, but you just can't beat that penis thing." - Isaac 'Izzy' Finkelstein, playa.
Native Americans and the Irish
- "To be honest, I haven't noticed a big difference. People used to think that I was a lazy shiftless drunk. Now they think I'm a lazy shiftless drunk who owns a casino. I was hoping that people would think that I was an excellent horseman and buffalo hunter, but alas it was not to be." - Dr. Michael Patrick O'Murphy, brain surgeon.
- "I also am unimpressed. I told everyone that we should have swapped with the Italians. That way, everyone would say that we're snappy dressers, and our imagined organised crime connections would help us get good tables at restaurants. But we went with the Irish. Everyone thinks we hate the English and like potatoes. I don't like potatoes." - Chief Leaping Salmon, telephone engineer.
The taxi drivers have, as yet, been unable to find a suitable partner for the swap.
- "Basically, we cabbies are fed up with people thinking that we're dishonest, short-changing crooks who drive miles out of our way to pad out our charges. So we wanted to swap with another occupation, but who? Plumbers? Used car salesmen? Bankers? Lawyers? Damn it, there has to be some sort of job that comes with a reputation for honesty!" - Larry 'Shortcut' Smith, cabby.
This one surprised many. Obviously, the nerds had a lot to gain out of this - a reputation for being well-dressed, well built and sexually overactive - but what was in it for the gays?
- "I think I speak for most of us when I say that we just got fed up with the expense. Wardrobe, hair care, gym fees, the exhorbitant cost of drinks in nightclubs... these things were all taking their toll. Now, I own no more than five T-shirts, each with a different comic book character on it. My favourite is Aquaman. And I save a lot of time on personal hygiene, too. Once, people would give me funny looks if I missed a day shaving; now, I can go for half a week without showering, and no one bats an eyelid. *BELCH* Damn, that felt good! Well, time to go get a burger, since nobody cares about my figure any more!" - Lance Bisby, DJ.
- "My new venture is a TV series called Geek Eye for the Eskimo. Originally it was going to be Geek Eye for the Swiss, but they swapped." - Peter Jackson, by Grace of God, King of the Nerds and Archduke of the Realms of Geekdom
The Klan - which depends heavily upon the use ethnic sterotypes for its recruitment drives - claims that the frequent changes in stereotype are difficult to follow, and cause confusion amongst their stupid, inbred membership. SRS proponants counter this argument, saying that the Klan could lose it's reputation for backwardsness and idiocy by swapping it's sterotype with that of, say, Harvard University. The Klan responds to this by pointing out that being an inbred yokel with the brains of a pig isn't just a Klan sterotype; it's a formal membership requirement.
The AMA, on the other hand, has been more restrained in its criticisms of SRS, simply saying that the whole thing is 'retarded'.