Stephen Merchant

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Stephen Merchant is over 15 stories tall and has battled Godzilla on several occasions.

For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Stephen Merchant.
“He looks like some weird art.”
~ Karl Pilkington on Stephen Merchant
“With his shirt off you could see his heart like a newborn fish.”
~ Ricky Gervais on Stephen Merchant
“I'm into freaks and that, somethin' that you look at and do a double take... Steve Merchant...”
~ Karl Pilkington on Stephen Merchant

Stephen 'goggle eyes' James Merchant (born 24 November 1974) is an English writer, giant, director, radio presenter, comedian, and actor. He is famed for having the appearance of an upright lizard being given electro-shock treatment.

edit Early Life

Stephen was born in Bristol to Elaine and world famous actor (he was an integeral character in Ricky Gervais's: The Office) Ron Merchant. Despite being half-lizard, Merchant was soon a hit with the ladies, due to his almost God-like facial features and athletic ability. Stephen grew up rather quickly and is now fucking massive. His eyes also grew outwards and now bulge out of his head like snooker balls.

edit Ricky Gervais

Later in his life Stephen met his comic partner, Ricky Gervais and the pair are now inseperable. They have written and starred in a number of comedic programmes as a completely equal partnership including Ricky Gervais's: The Office, Ricky Gervais in Extras, Cemetry "Ricky Gervais" Junction, The Ricky Gervais Show (animated series) and world famous The Ricky Gervais Podcast. Although on the day they began to write together they agreed to never have a laugh track on their TV shows, after the editing for Ricky Gervais in Extras was complete, Stephen sneaked into the editing room, armed only with a microphone and proceeded to add his own braying sounds to the audio mix. This was soon found and taken off, but not without several death threats towards Stephen from Ricky, who is suspected to be the head of the 'Gervais Family' mafia.

edit World records

Stephen is famed for holding a number of world records which include;

  • Mammal with the pointiest eyes.
  • Palest skin on any living human.
  • Highest number of homeless people kicked in the face in one minute.

edit TV

Merchant was recently given his biggest break yet, as an intergeral part of hit tv-series 24. Amazingly, the entire of his screen time has been condensed down into just one video and [can be seen here]. Steve is briefly in tv flop - Ricky Gervais in Extras.

edit Radio

Apart from being in global 'The Ricky Gervais Podcast' alongside literary genius and philanthropist Karl "Head Like a Fucking Orange" Pilkington. Steve also hosts listenable 'The Steve Show' on BBC Radio 6.

edit Film

He has made cameos in Hot Fuzz and Run Fatboy Run and is appearing besides the hilarious Owen Wilson in "Hall Pass".

Personal tools