Stephen Hawking ran over my cat

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (...)
m
Line 21: Line 21:
   
 
===...===
 
===...===
This is what I get for having a phone. I'm afraid to go near it, now that it's been infected by his disgusting message. Why would I make something like that up? [[Stephen Hawking]] left an obscene message on my answering machine.
+
This is what I get for having a phone. I'm afraid to go near it, now that it's been infected by his disgusting message. [[Stephen Hawking]] left an obscene message on my answering machine.
   
He did! I have proof. C'mon, I'll show you. I haven't erased it yet. [[Stephen Hawking]] left an obscene message on my answering machine.
+
He did! Why would I make something like that up? I have proof. C'mon, I'll show you. I haven't erased it yet. [[Stephen Hawking]] left an obscene message on my answering machine.
   
 
''Hi, I'm not home right now, but if you leave your name and the time you called after the beep I'll be sure to get back to you real soon. Oh, and leave your phone num''<font color=green>'''BEEP!'''</font color>... '''''SCREE'''NCHIRMmmmN'''GRP'''...IBBL'''EEEN'''!''
 
''Hi, I'm not home right now, but if you leave your name and the time you called after the beep I'll be sure to get back to you real soon. Oh, and leave your phone num''<font color=green>'''BEEP!'''</font color>... '''''SCREE'''NCHIRMmmmN'''GRP'''...IBBL'''EEEN'''!''

Revision as of 20:18, April 28, 2007

Good Small Nominated Article
This article has been nominated for highlighting on the front page—you can vote for it or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. Please see this article's entry.
Skid marksb
Stephenhawking2b

Stephen Hawking: Professor, theoretical physicist, and authour.

...

It's true! Why do people always laugh at me when I tell them? Stop laughing, damnit! I'm serious. Deadly serious. It was a Tabby named Whiskers. I named it that because it had whiskers. Stephen Hawking ran over my cat.

Yes, the guy you're thinking of is the very same guy that I'm talking about. This isn't all that complicated. The genius guy. Yes, that's the one. I'm still shocked myself. Surprised even. My cat, needless to say, was flabbergasted at the time. Stephen Hawking ran over my cat.

My neighbour saw it. Ask him! He's in the house that's beside my house. No, the other one. He knows. Swear to God. Just ask him and he'll tell you what he saw. Stephen Hawking ran over my cat.

Stephenhawking2c

Stephen Hawking: Theoretical physicist, authour and runner-over of cats.

...

What? My neighbour denies that he saw anything? Are you sure? Damnit, Stephen Friggin' Hawking must've got to him. It happened, I tell ya'. Did! I don't care that my neighbour denies everything. Stephen Hawking ran over my cat.

Yes, we're talking about the same guy. Genius. Wrote a book on something. Something smart. Big head. Sits in a chair all the damn time. Yes, a chair with wheels, damnit. What other kind of chair could possibly run over an entire cat? Stephen Hawking ran over my cat.

He didn't have to circle around to do it again. That's just evil. Whiskers never had a chance. Plus there's no way I'll be able to get the tire marks off the chesterfield. Stephen Hawking ran over my cat.

Stephenhawking2d

Stephen Hawking: Authour, runner-over of cats and leaver of obscene messages on answering machines.

...

This is what I get for having a phone. I'm afraid to go near it, now that it's been infected by his disgusting message. Stephen Hawking left an obscene message on my answering machine.

He did! Why would I make something like that up? I have proof. C'mon, I'll show you. I haven't erased it yet. Stephen Hawking left an obscene message on my answering machine.

Hi, I'm not home right now, but if you leave your name and the time you called after the beep I'll be sure to get back to you real soon. Oh, and leave your phone numBEEP!... SCREENCHIRMmmmNGRP...IBBLEEEN!

See? Proof, right there. Stephen Hawking left an obscene message on my answering machine.

Stephenhawking2e

Stephen Hawking: Runner-over of cats, leaver of obscene messages on answering machines and mangler of autographed pictures of Salma Hayek.

...

That bastard! I spent almost eight dollars on Ebay to get that picture. Eight dollars American! That's, like...carry the one...tenteen Canadian dollars! I am friggin' outraged. Stephen Hawking mangled my autographed picture of Salma Hayek.

He's sick, I tell you! Sick! What kind of a chair-driving supergenius defaces a picture of the luscious Salma Hayek? Why, he ruined the whole damn Salma Hayek shrine that I made in the corner of my garage! Look, he scribbled a unibrow on my beloved, delicious Salma Hayek...and he broke all of the candles in half. What a dick! Stephen Hawking mangled my autographed picture of Salma Hayek.

...

I'll get you, Stephen Hawking! If it's the last thing I do, I'll get you!

Personal tools
projects