State Quarter
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“Come look at my shiny new quarters, little boy”
~ Oscar Wilde on State Quarter program
“If I totally had a nickel for every time they changed the quarter, I'd have, like, $2.56!”
The state quarter program started in 1999 by the U.S. Mint to raise interest in coin collecting, resulting in more children going into those creepy coin collecting stores. There will be a series of 50 quarters, the tail or reverse or the side without a floating head featuring an image depicting each state in the best light possible, generating untold billions in tourist revenue. The quarters would be circulated in the order in which the states bribed the U.S. Treasury. Most quarters feature a likeness of the state, the state motto, and something the state is noted for. The series started with Adam, and will end with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Note: D.C. is not a state, dumbass. Nor is Puerto Rico, they aren't Americans but Hispanics who act like black people taking over New York worst than the Jews. By 2010, we will use the Euro to replace the declined dead presidents US dollar.
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Delaware (First state? Fo' realz?)
| "The First State" Caesar Romero.
| Delaware features the image of Caesar Romero, who portrayed the Joker on TV's Batman. The reason? Delawarans just love that Joker!
|
| image
| Pennsylvania (Pittsburg KO's and pwns Philly).
| "Can I borrow a Pencil?" Rocky Balboa.
| Famous Philadelphian, and signer of the Declaration Rocky Balboa is depicted.
|
| image
| New Jersey (pronounced Noo Joi Zay).
| "Armpit of America" Tony Soprano and Bruce Springsteen.
| Image of the Springsteen shaking hands with Soprano.
|
| image
| Georgia (the land not invaded by Russia).
| "The Peachtree State" "Millions of peaches, peaches for me!"
| A can of sliced cling peaches in heavy syrup.
|
| Connectthedots (the first Connectthestitution).
| "Connect the dots!"
| A connect-the-dots image of the state.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Massachusetts (New England, but Boston is all Irish).
| "The Kennedy State" "The Yankees ah wicked retahded!"
| The three famous Kennedy brothers in Redsox attire.
|
| image
| Maryland (Excluding DC).
| "We've got Crabs!"
| A crab.
|
| image
| South Carolina (New America).
| "Let's Secede again, Third time lucky!"
| Refers to the state's previous attempts to leave the Union.
|
| image
| New Hampshire (as in "Hemp").
| "The 'We're #1' State".
| The state depicted as a giant foam finger.
|
| image
| Virginia (the Mother's vagina of Presidents).
| "Everybody important was born here" Washington, Jeffereson, Monroe, Madison, Henry, Lee, Woodrow (uh ha ha hah ha ha ha) Wilson, Stonewall Jackson and Stoner Wall Gay Dude (eh heh heh heh heh eh heh heh)".
| Lists the names of all the notable figures in US History born there.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| New York (Big Ass visible from space).
| "The Asshole State" "The Big Asshole"
| The outline of the state with an enormous anus in the center.
|
| image
| North Carolina (Sports market doomed to become bankrupt).
| "The Air Jordan State" "'Cause nobody knows what a 'Tarheel' is!"
| The birthplace of the basketball star, refer's to the state's former nickname.
|
| image
| Rhode Island (Tiny Dick state).
| "It neither a road nor an island!"
| image of a crossed-out road and island.
|
| image
| Vermont (Second Republic of).
| "Hippies and Cows!"
| A quart of Ben and Jerry's.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| Tennessee (Appalachia).
| "The Trailer Park State".
| Image of a Mobile Home.
|
| image
| Kentucky (Horses taste like chicken).
| "Kentucky fried chicken" and "animal cruelty torture slaughterhouse".
| Image of the kolonel to give you nightmares tonight.
|
|
| Ohio (YO! HEY! HI THERE! HOWDY HOO! PPPSSTT over here).
| "Round on both ends, Hi in the Middle!"
| Outline of the state next to a rubber chicken.
|
| image
| Louisiana (French Canada gone south).
| "Katrina and the Waves!"
| A blank obverse with a few waves and ripples.
|
| image
| Indiana (Pacers rule).
| "At the buzzer...SWISH!"
| A basketball going through the hoop.
|
| image
| Mississippi (never officially rejoined the Union).
| "The Cross Burning State".
| A flaming cross.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Illinois (Chicagoland).
| "Lincoln, Bitches!"
| Basically, the head of a penny (Obama or Lincoln?).
|
| Image
| Alabama (Sweet home Alabama...)
| "It's a Boy State" when the mother's son impregnanted her.
| Image with emphasis on the Gulf Coast region's peninsulas.
|
| image
| Maine (Massachusetts).
| "The Killer Lobster State"
| Massive lobsters attacking Bang Her Bangor, Maine.
|
| Image
| Missouri (the missing star on Abraham Simpson's US flag on "the Simpsons").
| "Life Along the Mrs. Ippy" Mark Twain.
| Mark Twain punching out Oscar Wilde, the "show me state" is a bad joke.
|
| Image
| Arkansas (State law requires notification of sex offenders: Bill Clinton).
| "The Lone Tooth State".
| A mouth with very bad teeth. Consists of two dimes and a nickel stuck together with gum.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Michigan (recently sold to Japan).
| "America, Flipping You Off!"
| Hands Superimposed on the Upper and Lower Peninsulas, gesturing obscenely.
|
| image
| Florida (Disney World).
| "America's Junk".
| Florida hanging suggestively off of the Continental US (the Conch Republic and Little Cuba, formerly Miami-Dade county not included).
|
| image
| Texas (The Great Seal of the Great Republic of the Great State of).
| "Oil and Cowboys".
| An outline of the state with a Oil derrick gushing oil everywhere.
|
| Image
| Iowa (I-dont-know-ya).
| "Too Much Corn".
| A farmer facing a cornfield, his hand behind him, with Uncle Sam counting out bills into the farmer's hand.
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| image
| Wisconsin (Packers rule).
| "Eat Cheese or Die".
| A cow holding a gun to your head.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| California (20,000,000 Illegal Aliens and growing).
| "Satisfacción personal con el derecho" English "Complacency through entitlement".
| A Gardener, a Pregnant 14 year old, a 13th St gang member and Rodney King holding hands.
|
| image
| Minnesota (New Scandinavia).
| "Land of, like, a zillion lakes, yah!"
| An idiot ice fishing. Yah, You Betcha.
|
| image
| Oregon (recently split into new states like Lincoln, Jefferson and Reagan).
| "Don't Mess With Mt. Hood, Foo".
| A field of grave markers.
|
| Image
| Kansas (YourKansaw).
| "Intelligent Design!"
| God...is not dead.
|
| image
| West Virginia (beggar on DC's doorstep).
| "The Inbred State".
| An ugly, deformed inbred retard on a porch with a banjo.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| Nevada (Creating poverty since 1864).
| Top edge "The Lap Dance State!" Bottom edge "Federal law prevents using this quarter outside of a casino!!
| Reverse shows 2 dancers at Cheetahs Gentleman's Club running the state flag up a brass pole. Text "Battle Born, Biotch!"
|
| image
| Nebraska (Aksarben, dyslexic version).
| "Iowa stole our corn idea!"
| More Corn.
|
| image
| Colorado (South Park).
| "Rocky Mountain High, Colorado!"
| Depicts John Denver's fiery death in a plane crash.
|
| image
| North Dakota (New Canada).
| "No, That's in South Dakota!"
| Nothing, nothing but windswept steppes.
|
| Image
| South Dakota (Lakota Sioux Republic).
| "Mount Rushmore, Indians, and Bikers!"
| You guessed it! Yah, You Betcha.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Montana (West Dakota).
| "The Buttload of Mountains State!"
| An buttload of mountains.
|
| image
| Washington (the state).
| "Pot's practically legal here!"
| Space Needle in front of a Cannabis leaf.
|
| image
| Idaho (White Aryan Nation).
| "Potatoes!"
| A Potato (uncyclopedia logo copyright pending).
|
| Image
| Wyoming (The Gay Equality State).
| Wyoming? Why indeed!
| A big question mark.
|
| Image
| Utah (pronounced Yoo-Tah-pia).
| "More and More Mormons!"
| A Mormon family with a husband, 3 wives, and 36 kids.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Oklahoma (where the wind blows freely).
| "Not OK, dammit, in fact, it sucks!"
| Oil, cows, and Indians, cowboys, settlers and klansmen go after Indians.
|
| image
| New Mexico (has just left the union, now the Republic of Aztlan).
| "More Money and Fewer Mexicans than Old Mexico!"
| A Mexican, at siesta, in sombrero and serape, with an X through him.
|
| image
| Arizona (Arid Zone).
| It's not just deserts! We have woman chain gangs!"
| "Chained heat" style hottie, who's an elderly lady.
|
| Image
| Alaska (subject to be returned to Russia).
| "Oil, polar bears, gold, eskimos, oil, and snow"!
| You figure it out! Yah, you betcha-Sarah Plain.
|
| Image
| Hawaii (the Kingdom of Samoans).
| "Get Lei'd in Hawaii!"
| A hot hula girl, not easy to get.
|
| Image
| Canada (The dominion or commonwealth or Mirror universe).
| "We've always been a state, just didn't want to admit it, eh?"
| A Moose, thanks Sarah Palin, hail our new majesty, the queen of Alaska.
|
One problem, Quebec already seceded from Canada and the Turks-Caicos islands joined...us, unlike original plans to join Canada. We got word the Eskimos (er...Inuit) decided to stay in Canada, but the bluest US states in the last election changed their minds to remain America. We may rename the country to the North American Union (a kinder, gentler and polite term for "New world order").
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Iraq, I-ran, Afghan-stan, Paki-stan, Ass-yria (get it?), Leb-anon, Dubai, Katar, Bah-ran, E-Gyp, our friend the Kingdom of Saudia, and our favorite: state of Israel.
| "The State of Emergency" or the "State of Chaos".
| American troops shoots ragheaded Moslem A-rabs in our "nation building" skills to create a new global imperialist empire over the darkies of the third world.
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