Stamp collecting
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Stamp collecting is a thrilling pass-time, done by nerds throughout the world. The aim of stamp collecting is simple; the more stamps you lick, the more sex you get.
Contents |
edit Thrilling Pastime!
The first part of stamp collecting is buying the stamp. My friend once travelled all the way to Madagascar to buy a rare stamp with a picture of Rosie O'Donell eating lard on it. He had to take out a loan from the bank, the satisfaction it gave him was immense.
Don't, whatever you do, go to Tajikistan. They won't sell you any stamps there, and send you back out of the country with your right testicle sewn onto your forehead. Sticking the stamps is the really exciting part. You can use any sticky substance, but licking is always the best. Be careful though, some people from Surinam have been known to use semen to stick their stamps down.
However, my 'friend' (is he worth it?) tells me that this is not the only way to obtain pleasure from stamp collecting. He once managed to acquire a rare Bolivian stamp by shagging the woman who owned it, in return for the stamp. Of course, my mate was twelve at the time, and the woman later turned out to be his great grand mother, plus the mother of hitler. YUK.
edit Dangers
- papercuts in the tongue. Terrorists are suspected of using razor-sharp stamps to mutilate the tongues of unbelieving crusaders.
- Stampedes
- Stamp Collectors Syndrome
- Having a more complete stamp collection than George Lazenby may result in him "Pulling a Diana" on you.
edit Footnotes of history
In Holland, the Dutch queen has objected against the use of her image on the stamps, the reason being that she doesn't want to be licked from behind.
