Sri Lanka

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Sri Sri Maha Sri Mahaprabhu 420 Times Maharshi Lanka
Sree Lanka
Sri Lanka Sri Lanka CoA
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "We ain't indian bitch! we r SREE Lankan" Alternative:Sri Lanka(Not Ceylon)
Anthem: Galang Galang Galang!
(boys say wha come on girls say what, say wha)
LocationSriLanka.png
Capital Sri Jayaprada
Largest city Columnbow
Official language(s) Sri Linguese, chinese and wookie
Government Tyranny, Agony and a little bit of Democracy
Prime Minister Sri Redundant Wickremanayake
National Hero(es) George_W._Bush
Declaration
 of Independence
from Eelam; Commonwealth, Tsunami; what??
Currency Sri Yet Another Rupee
Religion All the fun ones
Area Threatened by tsunami
Population density 6 white pedophiles per square native
Favourite
 pastime
Celebrating holidays, whingeing, killing of arabs/muslims/tamils/hindu/ or pretty much anything else deemed anti Sri Lankanisation, procrastinating, sinhala world domination, and bandchooning
“It's a Catholic conspiracy”
~ Ven. Ellawala Medananada on Economic Depression in Sri Lanka

Called Ceylon before Arthur C. Clarke was knighted, Sri Lanka is a nation south of India with such a strange name that one would imagine only men, or Sri Lankans, existed in this exotic land and that not one of these men or Sri's had a Smt. Even the capital of Sri Lanka is a a masculine Sri "Jayawardenepura Kotte?" How can this be so? One would have thought motherland is feminine in most tongues. Sri Lanka sounds jarring.

The inhabitants of this strange land are the utmost venerable super protectors of theravada buddhism, to which the buddha himself trusted to protect the dhamma (they also claim they are the cradle of buddhist civilization). The great great kings ravana, dutugamunu, parakrmabahu have all served the country so well to have the war with the tamilians still running.


Welcome to Sri Lanka.

Sri Lanka History

Sri Lankan Early History

Fifth century BC before which a great great civilization exsisted: Vijaya, the legendary aryan papa of the Sinhalese arrives on the island. He brings with him 700 of his rowdy friends! Good start this!

Buddhism is introduced to the island. Mahinda; the brother of the Indian King Asoka flies into Sri Lanka ( Yes he did! Ranji is a Buddhist and she knows this. Note that this is long before the Wright Brothers!)

In 177BC two South Indian (ie Tamil) bruce willis take control of Anuradhapura, the ancient capital of the Sinhalese, and eventually--after ten years-- hands power over to Willis (also Tamil) who remains in control for a further forty five years until killed in single combat by Gamunu.

Duttagamini (Gamunu to his friends), a Sinhalese youth of royal descent gets bored out of his wits, thinks his dad is a prat and utter wimp for not fighting the Tamils, calls a few friends, gets up an army and takes on Elara. Elephants are used as battering rams, boiling pitch is poured from the battlements, elephants run amok scoring own goals.

Elara gets it! Sinhalese take this as victory in their Holy War. The Sinhalese never forget it, the Tamils never forget it.

Sri Lankan Civil War

Mia2
Smt MIA
Leader of the LTTE in a lethal stance: a martial arts pose adopted before the "tiger" attack in shaolin kung fu. This stance is also the "official" stance used by members of the LTTE rebel state Eeelam. It's also the stance LTTE rebels use to go to the bathroom.

The rebels, the self styled Liberation of Tamil Tigresses Eco-conservationists (LTTE), are a rebel group who love to call sri lanka an indian dropping but want it enough to eat it. (the dropping). The ruling govt. has claimed that this "ethnic" group has actually descended from neighbouring Venus and belongs more legitimately in Venus than in Sri Lanka. The rebels, meanwhile, in defiance, have taken to publicly addressing themselves with the Smt prefix in flagrant violation of the island's laws. The island's laws make it mandatory for all to use the Sri prefix and speak Sri Linguese. The rebels flout both these laws and were thus denied the privilege of availing 99% of the seats in the spheres of education and employment, reserved exclusively for users of the Sri prefix by a constitutional amendment in 1856 called the Sri Linguese Only Act. The ruling Sri linguan party even made a pact with the govt. of Venus to return rebel Smt Lankans (also called Smt-jees) to it. This elevated LTTE rebels to the status of martyrs in international eyes; most eyes will show hatred towards LTTE when reading the history of the struggle of these Smt-jees of Sri Lanka with the Sri-mans (another name for the Sri Linguese speaking Sri Lankans in majority).

The leader of LTTE, Smt Missing In Actioness (MIA), leads the revolution from her missing headquarters in London. The second in command, in the LTTE hierarchy, Smt Prabhakaran (prabha-ho-ren : also missing in action) operates from the northern peninsular region of Sri Lanka, Jaffna, from where she can easily escape to neighbouring India under duress. The third in command, Smt Thenmull Rajaratnam a.k.a. Dhanu, was assassinated in Sriperumbudur, India, by the self-immolating form of Rajiv Gandhi who attempted to embrace, kiss and copulate with her in public. Dhanu had been espousing the cause of LTTE's nation state, Eelyam, when she was embraced and assassinated by Rajiv Gandhi.

Current Status of the Ethnic Conflict

Venus tried to penetrate twice on behalf of the ruling Sri Lankan govt. but got bobbitt-ed on both occasions (by the Smt-jees). Norgay, a neutral nation, is currently acting as an arbiter between the warring factions to restore piece to the paradise island. Many injustices committed by previous govts on the Smt-jees have been reversed but the unrest is still far from over.

Meanwhile the Norgay mediators have been exploited in the backside . The situation is a bit more hysterical now, albeit more fun to watch than a few years back - when it was as exiting as soup growing cold.

Oh, BTW, the airport has been attacked by Smt-jees but (mostly pedophile) tourists have collectively ignored this loud fart as they are used to the sounds of farts by now. Up yours Smt-jees!! Yay. You need more virgin sacrifices to the Lord Hanuman.

Demographics

Sri Lanka's population consists of the descendants of the virile king Ravana who is said to have conquered all virgins of Lanka in mythical times. This theory is opposed by the claim that present physical evidences show that this deed was rather performed by half monkey Hanuman easing off on his brahmacharya. These physical evidences were discovered 10,000 feet under the soil of Kandy in Feb 2006 by Dr Arjuna Ranatunga Wikramsinghe Jaya Piyadasa, Archaeologist General, in scores of lithographs on red stone, depicting in graphic detail, the orgies of Hanuman with the virgins of the island, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. Dr A. R. W. J. Piyadasa claims that only a small fraction of an entire epic in pictographs on stone has been unearthed and that in fact that it is the parallel Ramayana that Hanuman had been composing in his spare time and which he destroyed on sage Valmiki's behest because it was more divine and transcendental than Valmiki's Ramayana. One of the two, Dr A.R. Wikramsinghe J.P. speculates,

...has handed us down an unreliable narration of historical facts, which is not necessarily a crime, but as a historian, I'd tend to go by Hanuman's autobiographical bit, and perhaps it's time we rewrote history and perhaps it's time the erotic lithographs were shown to the public because at this old age, I have little use for them. They were only useful till I turned 72, four months ago. Now nothing seems to be able to get it up anymore - my interest in the subject, I mean. (In an interview to the press - Daily News, 2nd Sep 2006)

The fact that Ramayana might be the oldest epic in the world and the fact that the virgins Hanuman screwed (a maximum of 500 considering he screwed one every 5 mins, or 2 mins - he had superpowers, agreed, but no less than 2 mins; and considering that he stayed in Lanka for exactly 2.3 days - not counting the time he spent burning it down with his tail; and considering a probability of 3 out of 28 of the virgins ovulating) might have migrated to Honolulu or Honduras, along with their progeny, in this long hiatus of 50,000 years, does not dissuade us from classifying, sub grouping and breaking down Sri Lanka's demography as follows:

  • Sinhalese: descendants of those virgins lord Hanuman impregnated holding his super tool in his right hand; comprise 100% of total population;
  • Tamilians: descendants of those virgins lord Hanuman impregnated holding his super tool in his left hand; comprise 48% of total population;
  • Burghers: descendants of those virgins lord Hanuman impregnated in the missionary position; comprise 23% of total population;
  • Politicians: descendants of those virgins lord Hanuman did not screw but the virgins still claim he did. According to Dr A. Ranatunga W. J. P., lord Hanuman actually fell asleep during the act and the virgins then went and got themselves knocked up by the virile sweeper; comprise 100% of total power equation.

Religions

Bouncywikilogo8
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Sri Lanka.

"There are four predominant religions in Sri Lanka in which the Third is more predominant than the second by sheer number despite the fact that the third religion is the most practised way of life: it being more a way of life in it's ethos than a set of beliefs or rituals . The fourth religion is opposed to all the three religions and many of it's followers have migrated to areas in Earth's Southern Hemisphere that patronize the fourth religion and welcome refugees escaping persecution on grounds of faith (..against the fourth religion) from all parts of the galaxy. Followers of the second most predominant religion fight with followers of the first and third most popular religions on scores that have nothing to do with religion but everything to do with language, politics, and sheer idiocy. Some followers of the unlisted fifth religion are silent spectators to the melee. The Sri Lankan Republic has no state religion despite the fact that followers of the first religion comprise an overwhelming majority: more than half its population is first religious -- e [citation needed] to followers of the first religion and we should express solidarity with whosoever is exposing or fighting against this gross injustice to followers of the first religion in some island republic because, like them, we too are firstly religious and we too could be persecuted by some religion or some religious state sometime somewhere. Lord have mercy!" Ha Ha Ha Another major religion of Sri Lanka is the worship of Americans. Sri Lankans view Americans as, better than themselves, and love to worship them by making shoes for their ancestors that saved enough money to be reborn as Americans

Economy

Padlock This section has been temporarily protected from editing to deal with repeated vandalism by IPs registered at Wikipedia. The matter was discussed by the Uncyclomedia Foundation™ in its meeting held on 8/12/06 attended by representatives from Wikipedia. It was decided to hotlink this section to the parody section at Wikipedia, as a one-time gesture, in response to the effusive overtures of wikilove and wikicoquette expressed by their representatives in the meeting. This change was made effective 11:06, 11 September 2006, (UTC). Since then, all edits made "there" automatically get updated here.

The policy of subsidizing imported commodities like fuel, fertilizer and wheat soon unravelled the fiscal sector. In 2004 alone Sri Lanka spent approximately US$ 180 million on a fuel subsidy, as fixing fuel prices had been an election promise.

To finance the expanded budget deficit arising from a range of subsidies and a public sector recruitment drive, the government eventually had to print Rs 65 billion (US$ 650 million) or around 3% of GDP. The expansionary fiscal policy, coupled with loose monetary policy eventually drove inflation up to 18% by January 2005, as measured by the Sri Lanka Consumer Price Index. Sri Lanka was now on the brink of an economic disaster.

Tsunami December 2004

By December 2004, the country was heading for a balance of payments crisis, as the currency depreciated and reserves dwindled. The tsunami in that month brought aid flows, and support from the IMF helped improve sentiment in the foreign exchange market. But GDP growth, which had climbed to 6.4% by the first quarter of 2004, had fallen to 4.8% by the first quarter of 2005. The tsunami helped stabilize the deterioration of macro-economic fundamentals as foreign debt relief and assistance from the International Monetary Fund strengthened both the external sector and fiscal operations.

In 2006 the Country went through a supersonic boom in its economy despite the ethnic conflict between the Government and the LTTE. Several companies have started new Mega Projects, Foreign and Local investments. Below is a List of some major industrial projects underway that are expected to give Sri Lanka the cutting edge upon completion while propelling it into the prestigious bracket of the top five technologically advanced nations of Asia:

  • 1. The 4 Kotte Skyscrapers with 52 floors each, office and apartments: Korean Project. 2. 1 Skyscraper 45 floors: office and apartments Indian Project by Dejehvani. 3. Ceylinco Celestial Residencies 43 floors: apartment and Hotel: Local Project. 4. The Hyatt Regency in association with Ceylinco is 17 floors. 5. Braybrooke Place Towers: Tower 2, 42 floors and Tower 1, 38 floors: offices& apartments. 6. Crescat City: The emperor 35 floors and The monarch 30 floors: apartments and offices. 7. Havelock City Project: 4 skyscrapers with 20 floors and 4 with 18 floors. Featuring Cineplex, shopping complex, offices, 200 serviced apartments, 300 room hotel, supermarket, department store and international food courts. To be finished by end of 2009, local project. 8. GS Towers: 2 towers 34 and 30 floors, with all features to be completed end 2009: local project.

Major Exports

  • Armpit stink sticks (jointly with their indian cousins to the north)
  • Civilisation as we know it
  • Suicide Bombers (charged in advance per estimated kill).
  • All the worlds bra's and panties plus the condoms.
  • Coconut Kandy and other sweets.
  • Political maps of Sri Lanka
  • Physical relief maps of Sri Lanka
  • The greatest thrower of a cricket ball of all time. You know who I'm talking about.
  • Palm oil in containers stamped "Statutory warning: Cooking in this medium may not kill you as fast as ingesting potassium cyanide."
  • Potassium cyanide capsules to LTTE
  • Palk Strait fishermen captured fishing within 22 kms of coastal Mannar (i.e. within the limits of Sri Lanka's territorial border with India), robbed, threatened and exported back to India.
  • A group of cricketers that have become so smart-assed that they relatavely destroy the Indian England teams much to their embarresment.

This all reminds me of a time in Sri Lanka, formally known as Sri Lanka, when the manager told me i had to fill a brandi glass with 1000 brown m&m's or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage. So Jeff Beck popped his head and said there was a sweet shop down the street. So me and Keith Moon are on our way, and you'd think there would be guard dogs, but they actually had a Bengal Tiger. So i took out the Tiger with a can of mace. But the shopkeeper and his son were a whole different story. I had to beat them to death, with their own shoes.

Sri Lankan Culture

Art & Literature

Sri Lankan Art has pronounced foreign influences from Buddhist, Sinhalese, Tamil, Burgher (Portuguese & Dutch) & Vedda cultures. Immigrant groups from these alien cultures taught the local native of Sri Lanka, Sri Balangoda, how to use the axe and the spear to decorate cave walls. Being of a pacifist nature with a phenomenal curiosity for learning, the Balangoda Man absorbed all these cultures. As news of Balangoda's education reached shores as far flung as Portugal and Patliputra, suddenly everyone wanted to educolonate the Balangoda man.

Rockp
Cave paintings - frescoes from the Dambulla Cave Temple, Dambulla.
These prehistoric rock paintings have been carbon dated to the pleistocene period
Sri Balangoda was suddenly surrounded and found himself in a setting with a mind-boggling faculty to student ratio. Exasperated, the Balangoda man confessed that he was not a native of the land and that, in fact, he had only been touring the area when the Veddas had first arrived from the distant archipelago in the West. In accordance with laws of the immigrants, now in force on the island, his immigrant teachers promptly put him on trial for perjury. Sometime during the trial, when the Tamilians were having a heated argument with the Buddhists and the Veddas were eating mangoes, Balangoda Man quietly slipped away and joined his Balangoda woman. No one quite knows where he had come from or where he went or what the Balangoda's woman looks like.
Dar
Clay model of the Balangoda Man
The model was reconstructed based on fossil evidences excavated in Anuradhapura, circa 1947. According to the Darwinian Theory of Evolution, all Homo sapiens trace descent from this common male ancestor or y-chromosomal Adam
However, the trial continued in absentia (in accordance with the laws of the immigrants) and it's hot debates still carry on as more and more immigrants (like some burghers) have joined the fray - the consequence of this ongoing trial is that 200 metric tons of Art and 122 metric tonnes of Culture are generated each day, most of which is buried in Anuradhapura, with the remaining being used as landfill off the coast of Batticaloa to build a bridge, called Sri Adam Bridge, to Singapore via Sumatra, Indonesia. Once the bridge is complete (which would coincide with the trial's judgement day), all the immigrant populations will leave for Singapore (in accordance with the laws of the immigrants) via Sri Adam's Bridge for the purpose of invading and rechristening Singapore as Sri Sri Sri Sri Sri Sringapore (5 Sri's for the five foreign immigrant communities or influences).


Literature

Ancient Sri Lankan literature was written mostly in, Sinhala. However, much of this literature is largely incomprehensible (although, it must be stated, it is very decorative and does have it's uses, especially when fabric-painted, framed and used as a wall hanging). The reason behind this strange quirk of nature is that though the Sri Lankans were the first, in the Indian Subcontinent, to learn to write (as early as in the Mesolithic age) they did not know what to write. So they just wrote - largely incomprehensible stuff. By the time they learned how to compose, the script in use in the Indian subcontinent, in a cruel twist of fate, had totally changed and had become incomprehensible to the Sri Lankans, resulting in a great gap in Sri Lankan literature of lost "oral" epics and poetry.

Contemporary Sri Lankan Literature in English, on the contrary, is comprehensible. The part that is comprehensible is that it is positively gay. The leading Sri Lankan writer of fiction in English, Sri Ma'am Selvadurai, writes gay stuff. His famous novels, Bunny Boy and Cinnamon Gay Men won the prestigious Lambda's Pie Literary Award for best Greek writing in English. Selvadurai now lives in exile in Toronto after the Sri Lankan state instituted charges of sedition against him in April 2002. Another famous Sri Lankan writeress in English, Sri Mary Ann Mohanraj[1], writes exclusively about sex; incest and bestiality being her favourite themes. The list of awards she has won is actually longer than the stuff she has written (ref. external link). Then there's that burgher, Michael Ondantjee, who buggered up Sri Lankan fiction (more in the Portugesean & Dutch section). Something is fundamentally wrong with Sri Lankan writers of fiction; but that's the contemporary literary scene for you.

Literature & Politicians

Some famous lecher politicians and their species descriptions:

  • Bandaranayake
Bandaranayake's are the evil genius descendants of Tamils from southern India who invaded and created a kingdom in Sri Lanka. They lives in Valuva (or Walawwa) and claims to be Sinhala. Current princess aka Chandralekha Kumarathunga Obeysekere Bandaranayake was dragged out of high office and was given bribes to make sure doesn't return again. Bribes include 3.6 automobiles, 7.5 rupees, and the highest office is the Sri Lanka Fried Chicken Party. Her brother Fat Anura was reportedly crying when not appointed as PM after the recent election.
  • Superman
Superman flew to Sri Lanka killed Bandaranayake and abused AJ.
  • AJ
A.K.A. (Ass-Kisser) who is abused in Sri Lanka everyday. He doesn't want it. But he gets it twice on Fridays and thrice on leap years.
  • Shawry
Shawry is AJ's humor guy. He had to hire him after the depression and therapy of being abused.
  • Rajapakse
(also in plural) one or many of the clan born to scrape up anything of worth in Sri Lanka that is left after 60 years of scraping. Filthy rich yet goes without shoes and wears a loin cloth. The leader of the clan is the current His Most Excellently President of Sri Lanka - honorable Percy Mahinda. Others include Besil and Gota who handles the collection and intimidation businesses respectively.
  • Ranil Wickramasinghe
An unusual being consisting of a mouth and an arse hole - existing for the sole purpose of being jacked in both orifices by Rajapakse clan noted above.
  • Wanse
There exists a couple of "wanse's" with the prefixes Weera - and Soma -.

Weerawanse and Somawanse were once gay buddies who fell apart after the latter's nether regions started bleeding due to excessive chafing from the former's beard. They divided the gay club in to two and are living happily ever after in total ignorance.

Some just (without any political diplomacy) lechers  :

  • Donovan McNabb, gangster.
A distant cousin of Donavan Andree and uncle of Jerome who is now living in a Villa in Spain.
  • SHIVVY.
  • SIR ANTHONY
  • SIVAJI
The tamil thunder of the whole of ssri lanka. He has helped many businesses worldwide and has a 6472389452 letter surname
legend, non?


  • VAL ARU
  • DR KARA - A renowned particle physicist from CERN
  • MARY SERPANCHY
  • JUMPING JESUS
  • RAJA G
  • Sanjey Sivanesan, leader of the Sansiv tribe, born in North, Sri Lanka and now living in Switzerland. The Sansiv Tribe is located somewhere in the Alps, made millions with his book How to enter Switzerland illegally and con the Swiss to give you asylum - sold fifty million copies in South India. Another source of income was by conning a starving "would like to be an Artist" called Carlo to use his old pair of boots -- that he wore when he marched overland from Sofia to the Swiss border -- in a collage that's now for sale at Sotheby's for a million pounds. With the proceeds from this sale he hopes to Start the Independent State of Sansiv in North Sri Lanka for his 50 million South Indian followers.
  • Prof. VK Samaranayake, who robbed US$ 1 million of public money from the LGN deal and still remains as the Chairman of ICTA.
  • Ava "symbhhhhhhoooool" lynam

Portugesan & Dutch

South of Sansiv land is Shree Lanka populated mostly by Sinhala, Muslim Tamil, Burghers (also know as "buggers" not because of their preference for goats and other sundry animals but because they "buggered" off to Ozland and other English speaking countries as it was closer to their language called "Bingerlish" -- a mix of burgher Singhalease and English)

One of their famous writers Carl Muller is now doing a translation of the Jam fruit tree into Sinhala (language spoken by the Singhalease) as he found it hard to explain to the Mahanayake of the Kandy temple about the burgher community and their habits of eating drinking and making merry and getting into a fight at the drop of an "amude" (an "amude" is a loincloth worn by the natives instead of those dreadful underwear known as "waulas" or bats in Binglish. Waulas come in all sorts of colours mostly made out of cotton -- sometimes jute for estate labourers -- and looks like a bat when hung out on a line to dry, a common sight on the roadside when driving upcountry around Beragala). {Trivia: Sri Lanka is Batman's most preferred tourist destination.}

The Burghers are very well accepted in Australia so much so that they even elected a Burgher bugger as Governor of Victoria; they also paved the way for the others such as Sinhala Tamil Muslims, some Veddas and Rodiyas to migrate to Down Underwear (also known as Feathery Bat in local Singhalease). Now the Tamils have caused quite a hullabaloo by claiming to be descendants of the Ozzie aborigines and that their clan, the Dravidian, originated in Feathery Bat and moved to South India and were heading further North when they were pushed back by some invading Moguls (see History of India in "C"). Now the Sinhalaya will have nothing with this as he claims to be of Aryan descent, hence the appellation Ariya Sinhala. This was further advocated by SWRD (u know who i mean?) B. and who had his hand held up in Hail Hitler fashion as his first political symbol (see old 10 cent stamp) and in a similar fashion created a Jewish syndrome against the Tamils with the promise to give back to the Sinhalaya his language, religion and land. The remaining Burghers are now banding themselves to take over Colombo 1-12 and call it their own Burgerland; some of them are back from Feathery Bat, viz. Ozzie Land and are trying to claim back their homes which they left in the hands of some "trustworthy" servant or lawyer, or both, who in turn sold them to the new rich muadalali (a businessman mostly into "buying and selling"). You meet these types in the Colombo club circuit, propped up at the bar drinking scotch and soda and yapping so loudly that they sometimes drown the Ozzie man farting at the next table after having downed his umpteenth beer. Man oh man, the habits these Burgher buggers pick up from Down Underwear is scary. But, perhaps its still better than the sneaker left by our friend from up North after his vadai and sambal; not to be outdone, the Sinhalaya will start rolling his eyes and vomiting and belching and farting, all at the same time -- "anything these bloody foreigners do I can do better" is his motto. Then some NGO or sundry whites walk in and they crowd this specimen like bees around a honey pot, kissing his arse, buying him drinks, inviting him home for a rice and curry meal, with only one thing on their minds: How to profit from this miserable son of a bitch. More often than not, it works the other way around.

Doosra & Chuck

Sri Chuck Norris, coach of the Sri Lankan cricket team, taught Muralitharan how to chuck the doosra. Sri Norris was eating what he thought was a dosa for breakfast in Hotel Taj Samudra in Colombo when he got very angry for there was a fly in his dosa. He chucked the dosa at the waiter screaming, You sonnamabeach whaat nonsense dosa you bring?

Murali, who was breakfasting with Sri Norris and then under training, watched keenly.

Chuck norris punch
Chuck Norris giving doosra to manager of Hotel Taj Samudra in a demonstration for Murali

Sir, the waiter replied, wiping the alleged dosa off his apron, Sir, this is not a "dosa," this is an "appa."

What mammapappa nonsense idiot, I say shut da fuck up hoe!! Sri Norris replied, rising from his chair, with his penis hanging down from his pants.

No Sir, mumbled the waiter, stepping back and trying to explain, "dosa" and "appam" is what you get in India. This is similar Sir, but not quite the same. It's the doosra "dosa" called "appa"

At this Sri Norris got very angry and he chucked the waiter, the doosra, the table and the chair out of the window of Hotel Taj Samudra. and jumped out the window himself with his penis still hanging out of his pants, he told the waiter to suck it, and the waiter eventually did [ seeing as how big and long it was, she said " Why Not ", Murali's lesson was over; he smiled blissfully at the thought of the newly acquired knowledge as Sri Norris smiled back at him saying "You're next".

The doosra is a deadly weapon for felling cricketers who hobble on crutches made of willow because both their legs have been plastered to make it difficult for them to run. Because of the deadly nature of the doosra, Murali and his coach, Sri Norris have been banned on several occasions by the People for Ethical Treatment of Batters (PETB) from playing in International cricket matches.

Sex and Pornography

All pornography websites are banned by the Taliban regime of the crowned king. There are plans to prohibit sex altogether in future, since Sri Lankans does not need Sex because the King fucks them every day up their asses.

the culture of sri Lanka is as such that the main threats against the culture are The nude beach in Kalutara opened in mid 2011 and the 5% of homosexuals and lesbians. There is a government ministry chosen by the king to preserve the culture of Sri Lanka, and they have suggested that woman must be dressed in a way that covers their knees and elbows in order to preserve the culture of Sri Lanka.

Any book, artwork or an undergarment that can be connected to any of the religions practiced in Sri Lanka would be confiscated, and the person responsible would be imprisoned until everyone forget about the incident.

Politics

To be successful in politics of Sri Lanka, one must prove themselves dangerous yet useful to the king. Having a media company, private army/arsenal, child soldiers, meth lab or a drug cartel are added qualifications to get a seat in the parliament of Sri Lanka. For a woman, simply being a whore or at least an actress in a porn movie is a qualification to get a sear in the parliament.

Serving the country to protect it, by risking ones own life is considered as a grave crime in Sri Lanka; and one could possibly end up in jail for a lifetime for such a crime. Writing any word against the king of Sri Lanka is the easiest way to win a one way cruiser ticket to somewhere the middle of Indian Ocean (middle of nowhere in the ocean).

"Did you know" facts about Sri Lanka

  • Did you know Sri Lanka was the name of an island nation in South Asia and not what you had been thinking.
  • Did you know Sri Lanka had the highest per capital income in South Asia before it's capital sank a 25 metres in the 2004 tsunami.
  • Did you know all Sri Lankans do not look alike; only most do.
  • Did you know that Sri Lanka looks like the produkt of when Republik of Hindia took a crap?
  • Did you know Lankan people are more Aryan than Adolf Hitler ever was?
  • Did you know Sri Lanka once was a military superpower? No, no, no - we're not joking. It is true. Terrorist Suicide Bombers had killed us all.
  • Did you know that the people from sri lanka used to be white like the Europeans until Global Warming came and thus earned the name "the Brown Whites"? According to Mahawasma the Greatest Sinhala King, Dutugamunu had murdered only 1.52 people.
  • Did you know Sri Lankan Flag Convey passes on the message of equality for all.
  • LTTE is committed to ethnic cleansing and cannabalism
  • Did you know the Sri Lankan flag was chosen to display military power by the Sri lankans
  • Did you know Sri Lanka was the name of an island nation in South Asia and not what you had been thinking.
  • Did you know Sri Lanka had the highest per capital income in South Asia before it's capital sank a 25 metres in the 2004 tsunami.
  • Did you know all Sri Lankans do not look alike; only most do.
  • Did you know Lankan people are more Aryan than Adolf Hitler ever was?
  • Did you know Sri Lanka once was a military superpower? Yes, Its not second in US army
  • Did you know Sri Lanka derived from the word " Sir Wanka ". I'M GAY FOR YOU!!!!
  • According to Mahawasma the Greatest Sinhala King, Dutugamunu had murdered only 15000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 people.
  • Did you know that Sri Wankans have a 1km dick -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- like so
  • Do you know the one who created this page was a lunatic and people should know not all sri lankans are like this.

Footnotes

  1. Homepage of Mary Ann Mohanraj
Countries and territories of Asia
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