“Was that Captain Obvious you just asked? Will he give me his signature?”
~ Random stranger wearing Captain Obvious fan shirt on Squishy squid
The squishy squid is the squishiest squid to ever be squished by a professional squisher. The first grand pioneer of the squishy squid fan club, Ron Ronaldson, was a great and intelligent man, who discovered the original squishy squid some 10 000 years ago. Since then the squishy squid committee has agreed to alter its general goal and advertising schemes, to develop in the modern day sport of squid squishing. This sport involves a player or team of players each getting a live squid, which they then have to squish and squeeze until the squid pops or explodes. The player who's squid pops first wins, but the squishiness of the squid can also effect the scoring. This is a highly regarded sport in countries such as Nepal, East Timor, Belgium, Narnia and Atlantis. The various leaders of the squishy squid community are now beginning to think of new ideas for the franchise, like squishy squid racing or squishy squid throwing.
A fine example of delicious squishy squid pancakes.
Squishy squid cuisine is somewhat of a delicacy in Japan, much like how the Chinese eat dog in China. The drug is quickly overcoming the popularity of the main food of Japan, the whale. It is often used as a stimulant drug with street names such as 'scary squid' or 'wood willy'. This effects of the drug temporarily increase the penis size, however you begin to excrete squids out of the ass. Many asians with small penis's appreciate the effects. This is the main reason the squishy squid market in China is currently booming, and also has a direct effect on the high population growth of the country. With the men having larger penises, the female population feels happier to do the dance with no pants, resulting in a higher number of births. The squishy squid drug is also becoming quite popular in up and coming countries, such as India. Governments around the world have not yet taken action against the drug, and are mainly trying to cover up its existence. But now you know the truth. Its out there. And its coming for you. And if you speak a word of this to anyone, the squishy squid will get you. It will find a way. While you sleep, while you eat, while you poop. The squishy squid doesn't care. It has no feeling, no emotion, and no mercy. Once you cross the squishy squid, you don't stand a chance.
Now onto the other edible features of the squishy squid, other than the drug effects. This gentle creature can also be brutally murdered to make delicious pancakes. A properly squished squid can be caught in some kind of container, and mixed with egg, milk, flour, sugar, semen and poop to make a beautiful pancake mix.
As your mind has probably exploded from the awesomeness of the squishy squid, here's a picture of some bananas to cool your brain down.
Spread this evenly on an extremely cold pan and cook for 200 billion hours and the result is well worth the wait. Be sure to read about it in the recipe cook book, Squishy Squid: Tasty Treats, written by Frank Furt.
As of 2012, squishy squid has become an official colour. The colour itself is like a very bright vibrant purple. It has caused many severe cases where upon seeing the colour people have died instantly or shortly after. This is mainly due to the fact that the colour causes most humans to orgasm continually.
The official squishy squid colour. If you are not dead after seeing this you are a very strong and determined individual.
The feeling is expressed as the feeling a girl gets if they went to 100 One Direction or Justin Bieber concerts at the same time. Only the strong determined human beings can survive seeing the colour in its purest form. Luckily, it is not a very common colour and therefore does not get seen that often that it is constantly killing people. This is a very good thing as if the colour was spread around for all people to see it would be banned and then become an underground only colour, which none of us want.
“I think that colour nearly killed me! Get it away from me! Arrrrghhh!!!”
~ Close call victim of the squishy squid colour on Squishy squid: the colour
“I still have nightmares. They come every night. Its torture I tell you! Pure torture!”
~ Squishy Squid colour survivor on Squishy squid: the colour
“You don't know what hell is until you have seen the squishy squid colour”
A squishy squid acting as a sexual predator and attacking these innocent humans just to feed its own desires.
Some people across the planet have reported to authorities that they have been sexually assaulted by a squishy squid. To date, there have been 34 confirmed cases of assault by squishy squids, and 9312 still waiting to be confirmed. The problem is growing quickly and due to its growing popularity it has been given various names and these names are often used between the victims. Some phrases include "tentacle trouble", which involves the squid's tentacles enter a forbidden place on the body of a human. Another is "getting fucking raped in the arse by a giant squid". The name should explain enough. So far the squishy squid committee has not come forward to make a statement regarding this problem, but may be forced to if it continues to grow so rapidly. If you were ever to see a squishy squid approaching you in a dark alleyway, the best way to ward them off is to bite off your finger and stick it in your ear. Studies show that squishy squids are extremely afraid of humans with fingers in their ears. The squid/s will run in fear. You will now be free to continue your life.
Squishy squid merchandise and clothing is quickly becoming the most sought after fashion statement in the world. The most popular piece has been named "the squid special". This involves a person getting a decent sized squid, and wrapping it around their body to cover their private parts. An alteration to this fashion statement is where the person will use a squid that has already been squished and cover themselves with the squid guts and pieces. This is a very formal type of fashion and is generally very expensive and worn on only special occasions. Not many people can afford to buy a squishy squid outfit, so instead will hire them from a shop that specializes in lending squishy squid costumes out to their customers. They have different sized squids and different colours available and will personally tailor any customer to the right outfit.
A cheap imitator trying to convince the public that he has authentic squishy squid.
Unfortunately, some people have seen the opportunity to create fake versions of the squishy squid fashion. They think it can't be too hard, and so they go and catch their own squid and try to sell them as official squishy squid fashion. But they are not true squishy squid. These illegal sellers of squishy squid forgot one thing. The squids that they sell are not squishy, and therefore are not squishy squids. But they still get unsuspecting customers that think they are the real deal because they don't have the professional eye to see the difference between authentic squishy squid and fake squishy squid. The squishy squid fan club is about to begin a new advertising campaign to help solve this problem. It will educate the people on how to spot real squishy squid and how to tell if its fake. They will do this via world domination. They will take over the world and make all of its citizens bow to them. After this they will gather everyone into one place, and play a short 3 minute video clip teaching them how to tell the difference between real and fake squishy squid. Then the people will be free to go about the rest of their lives. If you ask me that's a pretty solid plan.
Squishy squid has been fairly dormant of late times in the media but is expected to begin making an appearance in some movies and video games. The main franchise the squishy squid has bought into is Finding Nemo. His physical form does not make an appearance but he is referred to in the line "I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy". The actor being Dory that say this line forgot an important part. The word squid was meant to be added onto the end of it. Therefore it would have become dory's "squishy squid".
