From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I would like to win sometimes...”
“Crying since Salazar's death...”
Sporting started in 1908, despite claims of them starting in 1906. 1908 was the year Sporting changed their name, as they had only just realised their natural ability for choking. They coreated the dining team in 1911, after a brilliant choking job in 1910. This gave them an outlet for choking that was easy on the throat.
Sporting have a knack for picking out the worst young eating machines for their eating competitions. And even when they do find a gem, they have to sell them on immediately to even stay alive (see Cristiano Ronaldo). In football, they do, admittedly, have a knack for talent, but the same applies. Incidentally, this is why SCP always seem to line up with a bunch of teenagers (They hold the record for youngest average age of a team at 15.8 vs V.Setúbal).
It is SCP tradition to pee on a lizard when graduating from the academy, to get used to the amount of urine in the Estádio José Lucozade.
The Toilet Estádio
The football club plays at the Estádio José Lucozade, commonly known as The Toilet, as it is famous for players taking a whizz after their traditional half-time Lucozades. This is complete with a massive dining table, where the main club do their stuff. It has also proven a catalyst for some of Sporting's worst performances, as was proved when a dirty bunch of Russians turned up in 2005. This was the day that Sporting truly earned their "choking" name.
There has been some dispute recently about Sporting's status as the "national" team of Portugal, amid claims that the team is letting the country down in both dining and football. There is currently a vote to denounce them from Sporting de Portugal to just Sporting de Lisbon, which probably won't make a huge difference seeing as though 99.99% of the world already calls them Sporting Lisbon. SCP just like their ego the way it is (huge).
After the soon-to-be-announced change in name, there is speculation that Sporting's name could even go as far down as "Sporting de Lucozade" or even "Sporting de Toilet". Sporting, of course, vehemently deny this, though it has to be said that their manager, Paulo Bento, had to be escorted to hospital after choking on some chewing gum.
Currently, Sporting lie in perpetual fourth place in the league and hasn't won any title in 10 years, as they cannot match their rivals; the Tripeiros (as they cannot buy off referees), Lampiões (as they cannot bribe the sport media even thought Sporting owns Record and Porto owns O Jogo newspapers respectively), and Braguilha (known as FC Porto B) however, nobody else in the league has any money, and as such cannot afford to take advantage of Chokers' lull. In the dining stakes, the hospital bill for SCP is rapidly approaching €1,000,000, as every single competition they have, they choke on the starter. Currently, they do not have any eating staff, as no-one there can, logically, survive past the starter. They are currently on talks with a new eating crew, but the crew insist the club will have to pay hospital bills, and the bid is stalling.