Spoida'man

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“Spoida'man? I'M SPOIDA'MAN!”
~ everyone on Spoida'man
"Tha web crowla' from down unda'"

CmCRICK spiderman fan gallery 288x400

Gender:Unknown
Height:6"3, but slouches to 5"7
Weight:Pi Ibs.
Eyes:Bloodshot
Hair:Blonde
Australian/superhero
Occupation:Barfly
Base of operations:da' lowcal pub mate!
Status:Drunk

Spoida'man is Australia's premier superhero. He has saved many a naughty sheila from evil as he downs some Fosters and parties with guys named Bruce.

edit Origin

Spoida'man, or Poida' Pawrker, as he was once known, was an average Sydney area teen with lots of problems. The love of his life, Maury Jayne Wotson' didn't notice him because he was a tosser.

Windowslivewritermaryjanewats.likestowashpetersspidersuit-1366emj12

Tha' ore' Maury Jayne Wotson'

Young Poida' was a member of the chess team, enjoyed calculous, and had sex with bubblewrap, whereas Maury Jayne was one of the area's top Hookers who only slept with superheroes. She slept with all the superheroes in the area, even Matter-Eater Lad. Poida' knew that she would not fuck him unless he had superpowers. So he got himself some Fosters, some Vegemite, and some toxic waste, which tasted slightly better than the Vegemite. The resulting strange chemical mixture created a substance so toxic and powerful, that when Poida' tried to apply it to himself a tumor the size of Mexico instantly grew in his head. Poida' managed to reach the hospital before the giant tumor could attempt world dominiation, and had it removed. While recovering from his surgery, Poida' was bitten by a dingo which had been bitten of a wallaby, which had been bitten by a ant, which had been bitten by Steve Irwin, which had been bitten by Enver Hoxha, which had been bitten by a giraffe, which had been bitten by a radioactive spider. The strange watered-down DNA of the spider gave Poida' semi unusual powers! Not as powerful as the powers the giraffe got, but it was shot by poachers. The point is, Poida' Pawrker had been transformed into Spoida'man!

edit Exploits

Spoida'man knew that if he was to gain entry to Maury Jayne's pants, he would have to do some heroic stuff. So he set out and completed several tasks to prove himself. He saved a area man's beer from going cold, he beat to death a rugby official who had made a questional call, and he directed the newest Russell Crowe movie, yes thats right another crap film with that dickhead. These actions not only granted Spoida'man entry to Maury Jayne's pussy, but it made him so beloved with the Aussie public, that everyone started claiming to be Spoida'man.

“People of the commonwealth, I'm Spoida'man”
~ Australian Prime Minister What's-his-face on Spoida'man

edit Spoida'man is Dead

Unfortunately for Spoida'man, whores like Maury Jayne were chock full of STD's and Spoida'man got syphilis and died.

edit Or Is He?

Well um, it is unsure at this time if Spoida'man is dead because every Australian citizen claims to be Spoida'man and Maury Jayne has slept with over 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 people, so it could have been someone besides Poida' Pawrker. Poida' could have just been eaten by Idi Amin or something like that.

Amin

The possible cause of Spoida'man's death

edit New Spoida'man

On January 26th, 2012, a new Spoida'man was seen in Australia. Then the original Spoida'man's aunt, sent exterminators after the new Spoida'man due to this new Spoida'man infringing copyright laws. The exterminators finally found the new Spoida'man on March 21st, 2012 and assassinated him. He was identified as Bruce Wayne.

edit Just for Little Nippers, Spoida'man Fun Facts!

Spoida'man's enemies included:

  • Dr. Robotnik-for no apparent reason
  • Spiderman-he sued Spoida'man for superhero plagerism
  • Profesor A-hole-He's everyone's enemy
  • Russian Reversal-Spoida'man hates commies
  • Literacy
  • Sobriety

edit Spoida'man's Superpowers

  • Non evident



They're faster than speeding bullets,

More homoerotic than the WWE!

They're...

SUPERHEROES!

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