Spleen

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According to recent research, the spleen has no scientifically confirmed role in the body function. However, it can be cracked or torn and might also cause depression.
 
According to recent research, the spleen has no scientifically confirmed role in the body function. However, it can be cracked or torn and might also cause depression.
   
==Origins==
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==History of the Spleen==
The spleen was born in the south side of Philadelphia. His father was an assistant manager of a grocery store and his mother served lunch at his elementary school. Even from an early age he was making frequent trips to the guidance counselor for his inattentiveness in class and antisocial behavior with other children. He was deemed a problem child and put in the "special" classes, despite being developmentally normal, for a spleen. This set a sad trend of alienation in his life. He never really reached his full potential under the coddling of his special needs teachers, and he grew to detest the system and those around him even further.
 
   
===Trouble at home===
 
 
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The spleen was invented in [[1785]] by Doctor Samuel J. Spleen and his assistant [[Roland King]] (also the founder of [[MySpleen]], an infamous Internet shock site). He did not, at first, recognise its market value. He first started selling spleen identification kits in [[1999]] to [[Jesus]] in central Cambridge. It was not until he moved to [[London]] that his career really began to take off with the invention of the [[Spleen-o-matic]]. This device was deemed to 'rock'.
 
The spleen was invented in [[1785]] by Doctor Samuel J. Spleen and his assistant [[Roland King]] (also the founder of [[MySpleen]], an infamous Internet shock site). He did not, at first, recognise its market value. He first started selling spleen identification kits in [[1999]] to [[Jesus]] in central Cambridge. It was not until he moved to [[London]] that his career really began to take off with the invention of the [[Spleen-o-matic]]. This device was deemed to 'rock'.
   
The Spleen-o-Matic was a curious device that allowed members of the public to edit their own spleens to their personal preferences, thus creating a form of [[hyperspleen]]. Unfortunately, editing spleens leads to errors in recombinant [[DNA]] sequences causing a buildup of [[MSG]] in the splytnik ganglion. Since the invention of the Spleen-o-Matic, a whole new medical technology has arisen involving ganglionic catheters enabling people to vent their spleen at will. Although this caused more problems than it solved.
+
===Origin of Dr. Samuel J. Spleen===
  +
Samuel J. Spleen was born in the south side of Philadelphia. His father was an assistant manager of a grocery store and his mother served lunch at his elementary school. Even from an early age he was making frequent trips to the guidance counselor for his inattentiveness in class and antisocial behavior with other children. He was deemed a problem child and put in the "special" classes, despite being developmentally normal, for a spleen. This set a sad trend of alienation in his life. He never really reached his full potential under the coddling of his special needs teachers, and he grew to detest the system and those around him even further.
   
Unfortunately, with the build-up of MSG, the [[brain]]'s regulation of the spleen may become unstable. In rare cases, this may lead to Spontaneous Spleenular Combustion (SSC), a condition where conflicting neural impulses cause the spleen to catch fire with considerable force. Often this can lead to total discharge of the [[viscera]] through the torso or left [[armpit]], and in rare cases, has been known to destroy small buildings such as McDonalds.
 
   
It is wise not to use the spleen-o-matic unless you have a degree in Spleenology or Maths. Click [[Spleenology Degree|here]] to order your degree and purchase a spleen-o-matic.
+
==Use of the Spleen==
  +
The Spleen-o-Matic was a curious device that allowed members of the public to edit their own spleens to their personal preferences, thus creating a form of [[hyperspleen]]. Unfortunately, editing spleens leads to errors in recombinant [[DNA]] sequences causing a buildup of [[MSG]] in the splytnik ganglion. Since the invention of the Spleen-o-Matic, a whole new medical technology has arisen involving ganglionic catheters enabling people to vent their spleen at will. Although this caused more problems than it solved.
   
  +
==Digital Rights Management==
 
Currently there is some contention from the [[RIAA]], [[MPIAA]], and [[AAAAAAAA]] groups about the validity of the patents for the spleen, particularly since [[open source software]] groups have released a firmware upgrade that allows the spleen to make exact copies of [[HD-DVD]] and [[Blu-ray]] discs while chanting a string of [[hex]] numbers to overcome the [[AACS]] encryption. Unfortunately, using the spleen to copy ordinary [[CD]]s and [[DVD]]s only results in massive blood loss and a trip to [[ER]].
 
Currently there is some contention from the [[RIAA]], [[MPIAA]], and [[AAAAAAAA]] groups about the validity of the patents for the spleen, particularly since [[open source software]] groups have released a firmware upgrade that allows the spleen to make exact copies of [[HD-DVD]] and [[Blu-ray]] discs while chanting a string of [[hex]] numbers to overcome the [[AACS]] encryption. Unfortunately, using the spleen to copy ordinary [[CD]]s and [[DVD]]s only results in massive blood loss and a trip to [[ER]].
   
  +
==Side effects of the Spleen==
  +
Unfortunately, with the build-up of MSG, the [[brain]]'s regulation of the spleen may become unstable. In rare cases, this may lead to [[Sudden Eploding Head Syndrome|SEHS]], a condition where conflicting neural impulses cause the spleen to catch fire with considerable force. Often this can lead to total discharge of the [[viscera]] through the cranium or left [[armpit]], and in rare cases, has been known lead to to destroy small buildings such as [[McDonalds]]. This is often mistaken for a passing [[Ford Pinto]].
  +
  +
It is wise not to use the spleen-o-matic unless you have a degree in Spleenology or Maths. Click [[Spleenology Degree|here]] to order your degree and purchase a spleen-o-matic.
  +
  +
==<strike>Furher</strike>Further Research==
 
Current research suggests some [[Germans]] may have more than one spleen, perhaps cloned by drinking quicksilver from a thermometer at a very young age. However, this is a very controversial theory, and just like [[evolution]] and [[gravity]] it is only just a theory and cannot be proven, unlike the rival truth "MAGIC MAN DONE IT."
 
Current research suggests some [[Germans]] may have more than one spleen, perhaps cloned by drinking quicksilver from a thermometer at a very young age. However, this is a very controversial theory, and just like [[evolution]] and [[gravity]] it is only just a theory and cannot be proven, unlike the rival truth "MAGIC MAN DONE IT."
   

Latest revision as of 11:39, July 9, 2012

Jesuspleen

This painting by Leonardo da Vinci show Leonardo da Vinci modeling his spleen. The scrotum was later added in 1919 by Marcel Duchamp.

The spleen is the eighth organ in the human body. It is found in virtually all vertebrate animals and plays in important role in filtering blood and keeping the immune system healthy. The spleen is part of the immune system, but isn't particularly happy about it. It's a loner, a rebel, and doesn't get along well with others.

According to recent research, the spleen has no scientifically confirmed role in the body function. However, it can be cracked or torn and might also cause depression.

edit History of the Spleen

The spleen was invented in 1785 by Doctor Samuel J. Spleen and his assistant Roland King (also the founder of MySpleen, an infamous Internet shock site). He did not, at first, recognise its market value. He first started selling spleen identification kits in 1999 to Jesus in central Cambridge. It was not until he moved to London that his career really began to take off with the invention of the Spleen-o-matic. This device was deemed to 'rock'.

edit Origin of Dr. Samuel J. Spleen

Samuel J. Spleen was born in the south side of Philadelphia. His father was an assistant manager of a grocery store and his mother served lunch at his elementary school. Even from an early age he was making frequent trips to the guidance counselor for his inattentiveness in class and antisocial behavior with other children. He was deemed a problem child and put in the "special" classes, despite being developmentally normal, for a spleen. This set a sad trend of alienation in his life. He never really reached his full potential under the coddling of his special needs teachers, and he grew to detest the system and those around him even further.


edit Use of the Spleen

The Spleen-o-Matic was a curious device that allowed members of the public to edit their own spleens to their personal preferences, thus creating a form of hyperspleen. Unfortunately, editing spleens leads to errors in recombinant DNA sequences causing a buildup of MSG in the splytnik ganglion. Since the invention of the Spleen-o-Matic, a whole new medical technology has arisen involving ganglionic catheters enabling people to vent their spleen at will. Although this caused more problems than it solved.

edit Digital Rights Management

Currently there is some contention from the RIAA, MPIAA, and AAAAAAAA groups about the validity of the patents for the spleen, particularly since open source software groups have released a firmware upgrade that allows the spleen to make exact copies of HD-DVD and Blu-ray discs while chanting a string of hex numbers to overcome the AACS encryption. Unfortunately, using the spleen to copy ordinary CDs and DVDs only results in massive blood loss and a trip to ER.

edit Side effects of the Spleen

Unfortunately, with the build-up of MSG, the brain's regulation of the spleen may become unstable. In rare cases, this may lead to SEHS, a condition where conflicting neural impulses cause the spleen to catch fire with considerable force. Often this can lead to total discharge of the viscera through the cranium or left armpit, and in rare cases, has been known lead to to destroy small buildings such as McDonalds. This is often mistaken for a passing Ford Pinto.

It is wise not to use the spleen-o-matic unless you have a degree in Spleenology or Maths. Click here to order your degree and purchase a spleen-o-matic.

edit FurherFurther Research

Current research suggests some Germans may have more than one spleen, perhaps cloned by drinking quicksilver from a thermometer at a very young age. However, this is a very controversial theory, and just like evolution and gravity it is only just a theory and cannot be proven, unlike the rival truth "MAGIC MAN DONE IT."

edit See also

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