Spinal Tap

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RANDOM WARNING!

This article is quite random. You might want to edit it so that it's actually about something!

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Spinal Tap.

“This article goes to Eleven!”

~ Oscar Wilde on two treatises of tap

“Spinal Tap is not a real band even though the actors who play its members really do sing, play their own instruments, and write their own songs. Come to think of it, they are more of a real band than most boy bands and other dance club bubblegum music performers.”

~ Captain Obvious on Spinal Tap

“Spinal Tap is not a real band?!? and I was looking for tours all over the internet, BULLS***!”

~ Captian Oblivious on Above

“We close at Eleven”

~ 7-11 clerk on hours of operation

“In Soviet Russia, Eleven goes all the way to YOU”

~ Russian Reversal on Spinal Tap

Spinal Tap
\|
Years Active	Eternity
Genre(s)	Rock / Pop
Label(s)	Schicklgruber , Polymer Records
Members	David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, Derek Smalls, at this moment John “Stumpy” Peeps...no wait...he died
Former Members	Thousands of drummers...way too many to name

Spinal Tap is one of the most STUPIFYING bands in the wrold!!!! !!! was the comedy-rock brainchild of renound kid-diddler Andy Garcia. At the time Garcia had been royally fisted by pop mogul Trevor Horn, much to the chargrin of his sphicter, and the only way he could get Trevor to stop was by suggesting a mock heavy metal band, in Garcia's words "A bit like the Buggles, but not as funny. That was always the intention, to do something less funny. This whole project was about trying to 'be less good' than other stuff. People are always trying to 'improve'. We wanted to go the other way"

Trevor Horn became deeply,deeply inspired and started creating synth drum backing tracks, for hours. Garcia says of the time, "Trevor would call me up, and he'd sort of say, "I've come up with something marginally funny, come down and have a listen". I'd come down and listen back to his ideas, and you know smile because none of it was that good, really. It was an amazing time".

But all the extended time in his sonic laboratory meant that Trevors attention to his personal hygiene had gone to the shitters yard. Garcia: "He stank. He hadn't even washed his fist from the first time we first spoke about it!"

[edit] NEXT BIT

The next bit was to make a mockumentory. Garcia says that "At the time it was difficult because I was running between filming for that film where Meg Ryans a dipso, and trying to direct the 'Tap' mockumentory. In fact I'm getting fucked-off thinking about it"

He goes on, "I was amazed at how lack lustre the how film came out. Neither Trevor nor I could have predicted just how marginally funny it would be. It was exactley what we were after. Making a film, or creating a sensation is all about hiring someone and confusing the piss out of them. We got Robert Duvall to write the script and we kept phoning him up telling him that we had his daughter, or his mum was dead, or pretending to be Irish, just whatever it took to destroy him. If they're really strung-out they come up with there most uneven work."

Some commentators have speculated that after the assassination of John F. Kennedy a depressed America was searching for a way out of America. Garcia: "It was a difficult, because what with Kennedy dead every body was leaving the States, and this was at a time when my prostate was playing up and the film was about to be released." Garcia became so angered at all these niggely little things happening that he killed a dog in cold blood, "I just lost it with a shitsu".

Luckily actor Ronald Reagan stepped in and America was sorted, as were the fortunes of the film which raked in an impressive amount of cash. Garcia "Yeah, but then I got busted for the kid-diddling which I do. In the end I got multiple cancer of everything and had to be rushed into A@E"

Whilst in surgery the police managed to take creepy peado picture of Garcia, helped by his emaciated state.

But more important than all that was how this next bit part came to an end. Garcia says "It just ended when I found out I was Italian. It just destroyed me"

The original choices for the band where actually Nancy Sid-Vicious'-Murdered-Girlfriend, Mussolini, Jake The Snake Roberts, Ted Danson, Larry David, Charles Manson, David Jason and 2Pac Shakur. Only The Snake Man could commit to the 3234 day tour but was fired before the first tour after contacting meningitis from his pet crocodile.

[edit] Studio style evolution

Trevor Horn asserts that "There was no studio style evolution involved at all. It was all about de-evolving. I even stopped using digital recording techniques, everything was shouted at a wall and recorded that way. Then when you put a needle and a cup against the wall you got the play back. I'd never thought of recording that way before"

Of course the wall also doubled for what Garcia can only describe as a "Vertical Buggery Device", the mock-band of actors suffering extensive anal fissures whilst in the process of recording there one-trick pony rock n' roll satires.

Many observers have noted that understanding the success of Spinal Tap and their music ends at death.

[edit] Breakup

Then they broke up, or 'disbanded' as Paul Gambaccini put it.

[edit] The end of touring

On top of disbanding they also stopped touring.

[edit] Neglect of Smalls and Peeps's songs

And then these cunts, whoever they are, had their songs neglected.

[edit] Unreleased Song Samples

1963 songs

I Want to Hold Your Ass

1965 songs

He'p Me!, Yesterday Never Knows

1966 songs

Got to Get You Into The Sack

1967 songs

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Farts Club Band, Lucy in the Sky with Almonds

1968 songs

Holy Schnikies!, Revolution 90

1969 songs

Cum To Butt-Head!

[edit] Related topics

[edit] See also

Best selling music artists - World's top-selling music artists chart.
The Rutles
Two Humps
Inventor of the Bicycle

[edit] External links

Spinal Tap (Polymer Records) Official site, by Polymer Records
DM's Tap site Comprehensive discography, complete song index with lyrics, detailed and illustrated history, thousands of pictures, forums, and much more.