Speed bump

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Red Porsche

That is one sexy speed bump.

The speed bump is a bump built for speed. Unlike stationary bumps, the speed bump is fully mobile and ready to rock. These types of bumps, which come in many varieties, are found all over the world. Examples of speed bumps include helicopters, automobiles, and chariots.

what's the difference between a black person on the road and a speed bump? You slow down for the speed bump.

edit The History of Speed Bumps

edit The First Speed Bumps

Speed bumps have existed since the dawn of time. God created horse-drawn carriages for Adam and Eve, who rode around the Garden of Eden until their carriage was hijacked by Satan. Carriages were mainly forgotten until Roman times, when chariots became populte inventor of these speed bumps. It wasn’t until later that land-based speed bumps were improved.

The first airborne speed bump was an airplane built by the Wright brothers to escape Dayton, Ohio. Though these early versions were crude and slow, they inspired a new generation of flying speed bumps.

edit Development


The cutting edge of speed bump technology.

For many years, the main method of propulsion for speed bumps was horsepower. The popularization of automobiles changed this. Suddenly, speed bumps that once needed horses to move them were running faster and cleaner on gas. Since the introduction of this revolutionary concept, pollution has virtually disappeared, and the Earth is cleaner than ever.

Furthermore, as steam engines became more powerful, boats were invented for the single purpose of racing. Tugboats, airplane carriers, and cruisers further graced our seas, mocking the simple bumps of the whale and the turtle.

Meanwhile, in the skies, airplanes were being constantly improved upon. State-of-the-art Soviet spy planes allowed such movements as the Red Scare to go unimpeded, while Russian MIG’s delivered justice in the heavens. As aerodynamics were improved, speed bumps reached new heights.

edit The Speed Bump Today

Today, speed bumps enter our lives daily. Go-karts, race cars, and monster trucks all add to the enjoyment of everyday life as humans strive harder to make their speed bumps the best there are. Submarines allow us to sink other innocent, water-bound speed bumps, while cruise ships exist for the sole purpose of being targets for these wonderful creations. We’ve even sent speed bumps into space. Such inventions as space shuttles and rocket ships show conclusively that speed bumps can do anything they set their engines to. Speed bumps have demonstrated the limitless capabilities of human technology.

“One small step for man, one giant leap for speeding bumps everywhere.”
~ Hitler, playing with his toy speed bumps in the bathtub.

edit Famous Speed Bumps in History

Famous speed bumps that have appeared throughout history have included the following:

  • The SS Lusitania, a water-based speed bump that got itself sunk, and brought the US into WWI.
  • Enola Gay, the speed bump that dropped the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima.
  • Little Boy, the name of the bomb, which technically became a speeding bump once it was dropped.
  • Air Force One, the speed bump responsible for carrying George Bush through the skies (hint hint, terrorists).
  • Sputnik, a Soviet satellite that caused a massive panic in the United States, which the Russians found amusing.
  • The Columbian Space Shuttle, which made history after it famously blew up and sent 7 martyrs to heaven.

edit See Also

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