Spear Pillar
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This article contains satire from a world on the reverse side of ours filled with flying Octopus balls, sideways waterfalls and big yellow Cats (also flying), so don't judge too harshly because if You don't
find it funny then someone like Giratina will. The fact that you found this satire means that you are either witnessing a HUGE event involving time and space or you are in an ancient cemetery where satire is slightly altered.
“We scanned the whole of Mount Coronet for Spear Pillar only to get the result that Spear Pillar was ON TOP of Mt. Coronet?”
~ Team Galactic Boss on Spear Pillar
“My uncle Cyrus went there.”
~ Miley Cyrus on Spear Pillar
“I went up there once...”
~ Oscar Wilde on ???
“It's a pillar made out of spears.”
~ Captain Oblivious on Spear Pillar
“The ONLY reason I am not destroying Earth until the end of time!”
~ Palkia on Spear Pillar
“It's cold and windy up here and I don't like it.”
~ Dialga on Spear Pillar
“Play a flute, climb the stairs, look into my eyes and die!”
~ Arceus on when he battles you on top of a giant staircase
Contents |
[edit] Background Information
Spear Pillar is a location in Sinnoh where nothing happens until some mental psychopath decides to go there to summon Palkia and Dialga in order to destroy the current universe and create a new one only for himself; of course, he didn't think about Dialga's inability to do anything or the fact that Palkia was about to kill him for being evil without his permission. The boss of team Galactic (the psychopath) was going to use some red chain or something to summon both Dialga and Palkia at the same time but we all know that the red chain didn't actually summon them at all, it was actually the smell of dog biscuits that attracted Dialga and the sense of unauthorised evil that made Palkia seek and destroy the source; it just so happens that before the team Galactic boss thought that his plan was going to work, Dialga screamed at the sight of Palkia and Giratina came to rescue him, Giratina actually grabbed the team Galactic boss to create a distraction so Dialga could flee, but Palkia naturally gave chase in an attempt to kill Dialga.
[edit] WTF is the Red Chain?
The Red Chain is actually 3 crystals combined into a chain that were each being held by the lake trio, the team Galactic boss raped the lake trio into submission and drugged them on acid in order to steal the crystals. The crystals are actually worthless pieces of jewellery that the lake trio use to keep their wallets attached to them but team Galactics boss was insane enough to think they had important value, everyone else was sane enough to realise that they were pieces of junk. The lake trio weren't affected by the acid for very long because the lake trio are always tripping balls for fun to pass the time away.
[edit] WTF are Palkia and Dialga?
Are you serious about this question? Maybe you should read the articles on Palkia and Dialga before you continue reading this article any further, because you are either a non Pokemon fan or you have been living under a rock since Pokemon Emerald came out in 2005.
[edit] Who is This Psychopath/Boss of Team Galactic?
The guy goes by the name of Cyrus and his story started with his parents alienating him for not being perfect and being indirectly responsible for Cyrus' antisocial behavior as well as hatred towards them; despite this, Cyrus was actually a good student and did well at school. Cyrus was eventually told by his parents to go live somewhere else at the age of 10 and were arrested shortly after for gross negligance, Cyrus managed to find accommodation somewhere and was raised by robots until he was old enough to have sex with them, he then went on to create Team Galactic or some shit like that.
[edit] The Story
  Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Fat Albert goes to Bill Cosby to help him get back to the TV show, Silent Bob said something, the Alliance accidentally created the Reavers, John Preston kills the man controlling "Father" (who isn't real), the *real* final boss isn't this guy, it's the Ur-Grue, Janeway defeats the Borg, Nibbler pushed Fry into the freezer, Elwood and Jake get sent back to prison, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!! |
The story starts with Cyrus on top of Spear Pillar with his two favourite admins Mars and Jupiter, whose role is to stop you from killing Cyrus (if you are male) or shagging Cyrus (if you are female) by battling you and your Transexual rival and ultimately getting pwned. Then you try and stop Cyrus from 'summoning' Dialga but Dialga had smelt the doggy biscuits that Jupiter was going to feed to her Skunktank so you couldn't have stopped it; Palkia wasn't summoned because he was chasing (trying to kill) Dialga and trying to find (kill) Cyrus, he just happened to arrive at the most coincidencial time.
[edit] The Lake Trio Return
The lake trio suddenly appear out of nowhere to take revenge on Cyrus for raping them - by shitting on his face, that is all they do really.
[edit] However
A black, inky hole was created in front of Cyrus' eyes and saw a black, inky creature emerge from the hole; because nobody knew about this creature, Cyrus shat his pants out of fear and screamed like a little girl. Palkia realised that Dialga, Giratina and the lake trio could call Arceus at any time and overpower him so he retreated back to his secret space station to re-group; Dialga was happy to see Giratina pop out the ground and started jumping around out of excitement, but Giratina threw one of Jupiter's doggy biscuits into the dimensional portal to prevent Dialga from being harmed by Cyrus, Dialga naturally followed to doggy biscuit. Giratina turned to Cyrus and told him that he was to be killed for trying to destroy his homeworld, Giratina proceeded to drag him into the Torn world but dropped him before he could reach his torture chamber, Cyrus landed on a ledge somewhere in the Torn world.
[edit] After Pwning the Elite 4
After pwning the Elite 4 with your level 100 Giratina you can go back and try to catch Palkia and Dialga, once you have caught Dialga then Palkia will try and Spacial Rend your whole team to death. If you do happen to survive Palkia's Spacial Rend then you are very lucky, now you can wait for some Nintendo event that is never going to be released or use an Action Replay to obtain the Azure Flute and go to Spear Pillar, this time you play the flute and a glass staircase will appear, leading to Arceus; if you manage to catch Arceus then you are cheating scum and will feel the divine wrath of Arceus' anus as well as the awe-inspiring power of his Judgment attack.
The rumour of Palkia not destroying Earth because Spear Pillar is the gateway between Earth and his secret space station is true, but this doesn't mean that Palkia won't kill any of the planets inhabitents for fun. Oddly enough some people think that Spear Pillar is a battle stage in Super Smash Bros Brawl, but they are probably tripping balls with the lake trio.
[edit] Trivia
- Spear Pillar has nothing to do with spears.
- The stairs leading up to Arceus are fragile so lose some weight before you risk falling to your death.
- Arceus once had a rave on Spear Pillar but Rayquaza gate-crashed the party and arrested Arceus.
- The lake trio are still tripping those balls.
- Spear Pillar is above the clouds so it is easy to get high up there.
- Giratina once set up an all you can eat on Spear Pillar but he quickly went bankrupt.
- Your Mom was raped by a Lesbian Gardevoir on Spear Pillar
- Spear Pillar is not owned by Microsoft or any of its employees.
- Britney Spears tried climing it, but Arceus kicked her out. Two years after that incident, she tried again, only with Arceus telling her that she must perform her acts there.
[edit] See Also
| |
| Pokémon: | Electrode - Arceus - Charmander - Dialga - Giratina - Grue - Hyundai - Jigglypuff - Kyogre - Ling-Ling - Latios and Latias - Meowth - Mewtwo - Mudkip - Pichu - Palkia - Pikachu - Poliwag - Rayquaza - Teh Cheat - Towelie - Whangdoodle - Wobbuffet - Togepi - Pikachu (Ash) - Piplup - Manaphy - Torchic - Mew - Yoshi |
| People: | Ash - Team Rocket - Misty - Brock - Professor Oak - Nurse Joy - Max - Officer Jenny - Pokemon Kid |
| Locations: | Glitch City - Pokemon Island - Silph Co. - Spear Pillar |
| Other: | Pikachu seizure - Pikachusetts - Pokémon Battles - Windows FireRed/LeafGreen - Anime series - PokeBitches - 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins - Pokemon (Show) - UnNews: Ash Dies - UnNews Pokémon Indonesia Special - Christian Symbology - FCC censorship - Pokémon (the text game) - Pokemon card - UnBooks:The UnOfficial Pokédex |
