Spatula

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“My cat dreams of spatulas.”
~ Oscar Wilde on spatulas
“You know what, I'll visit the "Spatula" article in Uncyclopedia and add the quote, "My cat dreams of spatulas". .....DAMMIT, IT'S TAKEN!”
~ Some n00b on overused quotes
“A spatula is a spatula.”
~ Captain Obvious on spatulas

edit The Cholesterolian Court...

In ancient times, the Cheese Curds worshiped the Godess of Fry, Spah-Tu-Lah. The goddess and and her consort Hahm-Ahn-Eggz ruled a nutritionally unbalanced pantheon of Cholesterolian deities: Bay-Khan the Goddess of Porkbellies, Rah-Nahl the God of the Side of Fries, La'Ard the Goddess of Rendered Animal Fat, and Pah-Yuke the Hermaphrodite God/Goddess of Funnelcakes and Corndogs. Spah-Tu-Lah and her merry band of immortals lived atop the mythical Mount Mah-Yo-Nayz where they spent most of their time eating, quarrelling, drinking, and eating.

edit Spah-Tu-Lah's Scepter...

Spah-Tu-Lah spent most of her time sitting on her throne at the head of the Divine Dinner Table, idly waving her scepter about. In a token gesture aimed at making the lowly human Cholesterolians who lived in the valley below think that their deities up on Mount Mah-Yo-Nayz actually gave a rat's ass about them, Spah-Tu-Lah had adopted as her scepter a lowly human device intended for scraping the last bit of marshmallow creme from a jar. Spah-Tu-Lah had the lowly device encrusted with not-so-precious jewels, cheap glitter, and the remnants of a painting of Elvis done on black velvet that had been shredded by a moose who didn't particularly like the use to which a lower-echelon deity was attempting to put his most rear-facing orifice. In addition to being idly waved about, Spah-Tu-Lah's scepter frequently found itself involved in the ongoing orgy that most of the Cholesterolian deities participated in whenever they weren't eating or complaining.

edit A Tool With No Name...

Now, the common lowly human Cholesterolians who had invented the device intended for scraping the last bit of marshmallow creme from a jar had never bothered with giving it a name. They either called it a "device intended for scraping the last bit of marshmallow creme from a jar", which took half a day, or a "_______", with the intention of filling in the blank later when someone came up with a short, catchy name for the thing.

edit At the Orgy...

And so it happened that during a particularly rowdy session of the ongoing orgy up on Mount Mah-Yo-Nayz, one of the deities (It may have been Hahm-Ahn-Eggz, but nobody's really certain. You know how confusing things can get at orgies.) was heard to scream, "Oh! Hit me with your _______, Spah-Tu-Lah!" A passing baker-of-goodies overheard the exchange and concluded that the deities had chosen to name the device intended for scraping the last bit of marshmallow creme from a jar a "Spah-Tu-Lah".

edit A Tool is Named...

This was extremely good news for the baker-of-goodies since he and his assistants used devices intended for scraping the last bit of marshmallow creme from jars regularly and having a short, catchy name by which to call them would increase his crew's productivity by something on the order of 300%. So, everyone in the baker-of-goodies' shop began calling the previously unnamed devices "Spah-Tu-Lahs" and it wasn't long before the entire population of the Valley was doing likewise.

edit A Tool is Renamed...

Eventually, the Cholesterolian civilization came to an end when an incurable strain of the Granola virus infected the entire Valley's supply of funnelcake dough. The only existing remnant of that once proud culture is the Spah-Tu-Lah, which, due to a spelling error by a scribe in a monastery somewhere in France during the Middle Ages, has come to be known as a "spatula". Otherwise, all traces of the people and their deities who once inhabited the Cholesterol Valley have completely disappeared from the pages of History.

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