Tony Hadley

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Spandau ballet

At their height.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Tony Hadley.

Tony "The Voice" Hadley (born 2 June 1960) is an English pop singer-songwriter, occasional stage actor and radio presenter who gained celebrity as the lead vocalist for the 1980s post-synth pre-Madchester new romantic pop band Spandau Ballet.

edit The Glory Days

Spandau Ballet had many short named hits such as 'True', 'Gold', and 'Raw', but over the years they came to resent being known as one-syllable-name-hit-wonders. "Highly Strung" in 1980 saw them break both the 1 word and 1 syllable barriers. They later had chart toppers with longer names - who can forget 'How Many Lies'?

Although Duran Duran had better clothes and A-ha had a better video, no one could match Tony Hadley's voice and he became known as just that - 'Tony 'The Voice' Hadley', by himself, and mother, to name just both of them.

edit The Fight

Despite the hits, the makeup, the wardrobe, Spandau Ballet will forever be remembered for one event, even though the exact details remain unknown. No one present has ever spoken publicly about the fight between Spandau and Go West.

What is known is that Go West were a promising 4 piece band and that there was no love lost between them and 'The Ballet'. There had been a very public falling out on 'Multi-coloured Swap Shop' over who got to draw the winner's name out of a sack of mail. Noel Edmonds handled the whole thing SO kack handedly that both bands refused to ever appear with '...that bearded twat again'. The resulting tabloid feud became increasingly vitriolic and bitter.

On the night of November 11th 1983 both bands were seen heading with their entourages to a disused warehouse in the East end. Peter Cox of Go West was heard to say that 'he'd sort that so called 'Voice' cunt out. I've got a blade and if they start biting and gouging, I'll take a few of the fuckers with me'.

Witness's worst fears were confirmed later however when Spandau were seen arriving at another entrance, tooled up with knives, knuckle dusters, light sabres, and a leaf blower. In the wake of the fight, both bands suffered career threatening injuries and Go West were reduced to a 2 piece.

Rumours that The Voice and Lemmy of Motorhead drove a transit to some marshes and burnt the 2 missing members of Go West are probably false, but well worth repeating as fact.

What is also certain is that the publicity caused the cancellation of a tour, as concert hall owners feared groups of rival 12 year old pixie booted fans scratching each other to within an inch of their hormone filled leg warmers.

Their career never recovered.

edit The Lost Years

Tony hadley

Tony had to chain his ever dwindling number of groupies to his bloated body

With time on his hands Tony found solace in the bottle. Fuck me did he find solace! His ruddy face standing in stark contrast to his once angled jaw. His sleek frame became bloated to an ever increasing extent and bore testament to the millions of pounds squandered on the booze. The days of looking like a pirate / 18th century French courtesan were long gone.

A walk on part in 'Okra the Killer Whale' was not regarded as successful by critics.

His continued expansion created problems for himself and family. The gravitational field around him increased in line with his mass. On the surface of 'Planet Voice' the gravitational field strength was so great that the other band members were gradually sucked in. Fortunately one or both of the Krays managed to attain escape velocity and went onto to star as himself acting badly in EastEnders. He never forgave 'The Voice' though, for the loss of his brother and the other ones - this would later have repercussions.

During Tony's later come back tour he was humiliatingly banned from singing any of Spandau's own songs. He had to make do with 'Addicted to Love' (5 syllables), and 'The Boys are Back in Town' (6 syllables).

edit Rebirth

Songs with titles that were sooooooooooo long could clearly not be sustained and this forced a reconciliation with the Krays. The Spandau reunion was widely welcomed by millions of women who were 12 in 1982. The night of 25th October 2009 saw 'The Voice' where he should always have been - at the O2 arena in front of thousands of menopausal women reliving their puberty.

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