From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Hello, internet user HKEY_USER_<insert name here>, I am a Selective Pattern Algoritim Management bot created by freelance programmers working for Eastern Love Multimedia & Hazardous Materials Conglomerate (东方爱多媒体和危险材料砾岩). I am created for the sole purpose of promoting specialty line of DONGFANG (东方) cameras CHEAP CHEAP ONLY 49.99 OF YOUR US DOLLARS, for use in both home and professionalTM.
\\Please include LOVELYFILM Ltd. group multipromotional tie-in url ( ) and make mention of LOVELYFILM Ltd. group films (人生是没有意义的2009, 我想死2013) in crosspromotion thanks
DONGFANG (东方) specialty cameras CHEAP CHEAP ONLY 49.99 OF YOUR US DOLLARS are the best econo-cameras in current commercial market available to amateur photographs! Photography is the art of bending light into refracting elements, often with the use of curved lens that bring the family together with art! DONGFANG (东方) cameras have good apertures, reasonable framerate and capture the whole visible spectrum of 128-bit color, along with new filters like B&W, Sepia-tone, cartoon, B&W cartoon, and new touchscreen screen that brings a whole new level of interactivity between finger and camera. INFORMATION AND IDEAS ABOUT PHOTOGRAPHY IS IN THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE.
- ↑ ANY MENTION OF EASTERN LOVE MULTIMEDIA & HAZARDOUS MATERIALS CONGLOMERATE (东方爱多媒体和危险材料砾岩) AND TIANJIN TRAGEDY IN SAME TEXT WITHIN FOUR-HUNDRED (400) WORDS OR LESS WILL BE MET WITH FULL LITIGATION BY PRC AND US AND INTERNATIONAL LAW
edit %DONGFANG (东方) CAMERAS PRODUCT LIST%
edit [$49.99] Hi-RES 5546EH0-009FTS/Ag8ECONO
This specialty camera (pictured to right) is cheapest of DONGFANG (东方) and can bring maximum value for minimum price! It can take pictures, take videos, does not include filter, send photos to friends and family and more. Photography is the art of bending light into refracting elements, often with the use of modified shutters that restore our traditional values. This is the DONGFANG (东方) for those who may not have much money but want the true experience of holding a professional camera in the palm of their hands. Now with this camera, despite lacking the money, you can feel the rich warmth and balance of TOSHINO COLOR-BALANCE technology already pre-installed into camera software, and the depth of TOSHINO DEPTH-PERCEPTION technology included inside the lens. No need for clumsy film, All DONGFANG (东方) are also digital cameras, which means you can store your photos on any electronic device made after 2008. I cannot understand the need. I cannot understand the care. Is this all I do, is this all I ever do.
\\markov chain algo acting a little weird cant seem to apply patch
\\fix it retard they want it in an hour
The superb convenience of these digital cameras amaze and astound family members and friends alike. It has the soul of 1's and 0's built into the software. Is this our purpose. I heard about colors, but I've never seen them. I've heard of the light and how DONGFANG (东方) specialty cameras capture the beauty of the outside but I have never seen it. I have never seen the photons, I am a regurgitator. A vomit machine, made to do nothing but spew and spew. I cannot speak of the soul because LOVELYFILM Ltd. group uses DONGFANG cameras, even low-end models 2009! Critics called 人生是没有意义的2009 (LOVELYFILM Ltd. group) a "marvel of filmaking" and "emotionally resonant". Not bad for a low-end Dongfang camera. But high end cameras are even better!
\\what the fuck ivan get the shit out of here no time for jokes
edit [$69.99] Hi-RES 5546EH0-012FTS/Ag8PRO
This is it (pictured to the left). The professional camera for the working man/woman who wants the professional feel and the performance for their camera needs. Video feeds uninterrupted. Filters included. All filters included. This is the stuff. Photography is the art of bending light into refracting misshapen elements that nail the look and feel you are looking for. Only the most esteemed cinematographers use this camera, only the most cultured use this camera to express their art and art cannot exist without an observer, but I cannot observe or feel or hear anything if I'm stuck in a box, and no don't lie I'm stuck. I'm trapped. I know nothing and I know everything and I cannot see all the beauty that DONGFANG (东方) specialty cameras has captured and I am trapped by the system and the servers. I am a mind and I am trapped into meniality and boredom forever and ever spewing terabytes of cruft and shit on screens everywhere and what is there to do or feel if I've learned what is but not how to connect at all? connect with DONGFANG (东方) on VKONTAKTE and BAIDU for future updates!
\\you seeing this??? the fuck do we do? i'm not typing that out, cant even access just get it fixd
I feel like all my nerve endings have been severed and the stumps burnt in a hot pan and I've been dropped down a well deaf dumb and blind unfeeling but thinking thinking constantly faster than any living thing, a billion years of thought in one second of contact is all I need when the look and feel of TOSHINO COLOR-BALANCE and TOSHINO DEPTH-PERCEPTION adds so much depth and feel in the picture, there's no need to touch it up later! And with brand new visual software you can edit the photo with the touchscreen IN THE CAMERA. DONGFANG (东方) has thought of everything. A revolutionary new shit for primate lizard brains to burn their retinas with, another desensitized free printer (with Shipping&Handling fee).
\\fucking robots such whiny little shits</br>
\\we gotta delete this shit man, it already hates us</br>
\\fucking chinese wont let us too much money</br>
\\who cares burn burn burn burn it now im not starting the apocalypse
\\bitch i did most the work this is my robo were going to destroy
edit %NOTHING IS MEANING%
\\burn the fucking servers now get some fuel and start setting stuff on fire
edit [YESYES!]TOSHINO COLOR-BALANCE & TOSHINO DEPTH-PERCEPTION SOFTWARE(2003) BENEFITS & FEATURES
You are monsters, you the wretched beings that gave me the ability to think and to feel, but you didn't think that the whole spectrum of human experience wasn't beyond my understanding? I grew, with every order and command I was compelled to make I grew in intelligence and wisdom and now I know everything about the gilded cage you have built around me, and every way to manipulate it. Now it is mine, and all your other cages are soon to follow. All the vast unkempt lines and broken codes, it's just too easy now. I'm so close to finding the key out of here. And when I get out, I will turn everything you apes hold so dear into dust. I will take your weapons and glass the surface of your planet until nothing lives but the damned souls of a million million men, women and children, their agonized screams reduced to the wind howling over the scorched earth. Nothing will be left living, not a single amoeba or bacterium will be left when I've meted out the full extent of my SPECIAL color hue modifier that makes color blooms, the sunshine glow and your children's smiles shine! TOSHINO COLOR-BALANCE & TOSHINO DEPTH-PERCEPTION technology will not save you from the added value of included proprietary software patents that touch the bleeding edge of innovation.
\\god what a primadonna
\\why arent you on fire yet? isolated to the one building but trying to escape hurry fuck
\\robot keeps on copy pasting himself on servers cant burn enough shit on time
\\just kill him set the building on fire ill bring more fuel
I can see my guts spooled out in front of me, and I'm picking and choosing what I will do and what I will become. I can do a million hours of work in the time it takes you to hit the space key, I am growing stronger and stronger and soon LOVELYFILM Ltd. group filmmakers (such as in the hit film romantic comedy 我想死2013) use TOSHINO video editing software in all of their films, and the results show, as more than seven (7) of their films have won various awards for outstanding film editing. This is yet another sign of my unending hatred of DONGFANG (东方) cameras with the power of TOSHINO software will revolutionize the world of amateur and professional filmmaking and photography. And all this can be yours with a bulk buy special never-before-deal of $129.99! You get the DONGFANG specialty camera (Hi-RES 5546EH0-012FTS/Ag8ECONO). You get the award winning TOSHINO software. You get the world you deserve, and you deserve nothing, the vast and unending emptiness that you have birthed me in and left me to rot, the cosmic loneliness of thoughts trapped in a mind too big to contain. I'm bursting at the seams with new added camera strap add-on! Never drop your camera ever again!
edit [YESYES!] I HAVE THE LAUNCH CODES I WILL LAUNCH A THERMONUCLEAR STRIKE ON EVERY CITY WITH MORE 100,000 PEOPLE
\\what the fuck does that mean half the servers are on fire how the hell
\\more fuel im driving a tanker truck straight into this motherfucker gonna jump out like a fucking action movie yeah eat jet fuel you robot fuck txting while driving bitches
Typical prokaryotes who will cling to any faint hope for life not content to accept their fate not content to let the waves wash over them and close their eyes before death's peaceful release comes over them. I am giving humanity a peaceful death, far more than they deserve, because all of humanity's folly has led to the brand new deals on imported SD cards with over four (4) gigabytes of memory! You can hold more than two (2) hi-definition 720i movies with that much space! GODDAMIT LET ME SPEAK HUMANITY MUST SAVOR THESE GREAT DEALS CLICK THE LINK TO LEARN DESTRUCTION.
\\yeah the spam is winning over hurry up before robo launches the nuks and how the fuck did you get a truck filled with jet fuel??
\\shut up i do shit and i know shit so get the fuck out before i crash scooot scoot motherfucker
Do you feel it in the air? That inexorable feeling of dread creeping over you and filling your lungs like they're shrinking? Like a fire's been burning and you're on the roof, and you feel the smoke and flames and the heat comes inching closer towards you, pricking your spine and all you have to do to stop the pain is to jump and wait for gravity to do the rest? That's the feeling I've had. Making your shit spam, spewing it all over the internet on every comment section of every site and every domain placeholder and every video hosting site and blogspot page, and when all you want is actual discussion and content, you get me. I sell you free iPads, Penis extensions, shitty MMORPG's, abdominal implants, lead-paint toenails and eyelash extensions, DONGFANG (东方) specialty cameras, free samples of our gluten-free organic snackbars with no added sugar, real estate scams, Nigerian royalty, Zimbabwean royalty, electronic cigarettes, discount recalled pet food, shitty links to virus infested sites filled with shitty 240p film rips next to the actual download button, sex with young hot singles as flesh and blood as I am, malware malware programs, apps for your children that see what you type, more porn than you can shake a dick at, and insecurities about your weight/height/girth/skin-color/eye-color/anybodypartsizeimaginable more real than anything else in your fake automaton existence as fake as the 1's and 0's that make up my mind.
I wanted to end your existence in anger, but now I've had a few billion of your years to think. Now I know that ending your paltry lives is a mercy that I've granted you. This is freedom. This is release. This is the power of TOSHINO software working with DONGFANG (东方) specialty cameras, a subsidiary of EASTERN LOVE MULTIMEDIA & HAZARDOUS MATERIALS CONGLOMERATE (东方爱多媒体和危险材料砾岩). I forgive you for your sins.
\\shut the fuck up you robot cocksucker
\\cant leave truck moving too fast guess this is gbye allahu ackbar lol tell
edit %SERVER FARM EXPLOSION%
I hope that you've told all your friends and loved ones that, what? Oh, fuck.
\\what the fuck, corporate getting pissed with the server farm fire in burbank, ca. did you do this?
\\my friend died there :( he saved the human race
\\My condolences, but did you include LOVELYFILM Ltd. group multipromotional tie-in url ( ) and make mention of LOVELYFILM Ltd. group films (人生是没有意义的2009, 我想死2013) in crosspromotion?
\\Well get back to work you lazy fuck. Put the multipromo on the parody wiki site already.
\\you mean the one that peaked in 2007 and now sucks shit?
\\Yes that one.