Spain

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España The Holy Roman Catholic Empire of Spain or Anus Of The World El Espain
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "If you can't beat them...take siesta and try again some other time.",
Anthem: Dickos Moracho.
Capital	Paellaville
Largest city	Zaragotham
Official language(s)	Spanish, Anal, Galician, Euskera, Català, Sexy Gibberish, English (only in Majorca, Torrevieja, and Sotogrande, a British enclave to the East of Gibraltar)
Government	Constitutional Monarchy (formerly a Republic by the Grace of Jeff Bush)
‑ President	Osmund Saddler (after old president Bin Laden
‑ The King of party	Juan Carlos I
Favorite Musical Instrument	Guitar
National Hero(es)	Rafael Nadal, Don Quijote, Sancho Panza, Luis Aragonés, David Villa, Iker Casillas, Xabi Alonso, Rodolfo Chikilicuatre, Michael Phelps, Fernando Alonso, Pulpo Paul , Octopus Paul
Established	15th Century. But now it's owned by Thailand!
Currency	[Ham, Cheese, Wine, Mullets]
Religion	soccer and dancing the Macarena to propitiate goals, Octopusism

“Why couldn't Christopher Columbus discover it?”

~ Pablo Neruda on Spain

Spain is a country located in South-Western Europe. Well first off, it's okay to feel sorry for Spain since it shares its borders with France, someplace called Andorra where rich people hide out, and a country that owes Spain two months rent called Portugal. Spain, like your family, is constantly at war with itself and others around it.

Why should you travel to Spain this year instead of the Bahamas? Let’s find out together.

edit While You Were Asleep in History Class

Let me catch you up on what you’ve missed so far. Spain was a peaceful place until civilized man appeared. The Carthaginians under Hannibal were hanging out in Spain until 210 B.C. when the Roman Empire showed up and kicked them out. Your teacher, Mrs. Jenkins told Mark Ingram that if he was going to chew gum he had to do it quietly.

The Romans held control of things until these bad asses called the Visigoths showed up. Matt who sits behind you gave Becky the “Goth Chick” an unpracticed *let’s go to the bed look* at the mention of the Visigoths.

In the 8th Century all that came to an end when Muslims (who liked to be called Moors) quickly slaughtered the Visigoths. The Moor's set about Islamicising spain by covering it with minarets, tranquil gardens and fragrent orange groves. However their constant beautification of the country left them little time for millitary preparation.

For the next seven hundred years warfare between Christians and Muslims occured as Christians pushed everybody who didn’t think like them out the door.

I can’t stress enough the social implications of a jock like Matt even considering dating Becky. That would be like Holy Roman Emperor Charles V asking out Roxelana the only legal wife of Suleiman the Magnificent on homecoming weekend.

edit The Hotness of Imperial Spain

Joanna the Mad styled “Her Royal Hotness” HRH, helped unify several lonely bachelors and create the Kingdom of Spain that we know today. Joanna liked the rough stuff more than ruling the country, and feigned schizophrenia so her relatives would keep her locked up.

Phillip the II followed up this act with hitting the low countries hard. So hard in fact that they named the Phillipines after his exploits. Several thousand G.I.’s would follow his example in WWII.

While Conquistadors were busy interbreeding with the peoples of Latin and South America the Spanish Inquisition started their first season run on state television. Napoleon invaded was kicked out by those awfully nice British chaps, and the Spanish Civil War caused everyone a headache. Things were just starting to go right again when a large, unkept penis named Francisco Franco came along.

Two college professors at the University of Barcelona.

Bar-theh-loh-nah is the first city you need to check out. Don’t bother renting a car; navigating the streets in this city are tougher than getting a piñata full of candy away from your blind six year old cousin.

Everyone from this region of Spain believes they are part of their own nation called Catalonia. Feel free to remind them that Barcelona is not Europe, and you will get drunk and urinate in the street just as freely here, as you would in Paris.

If you prefer to visit Madrid, remember to visit locals where the owner had a great moustache and a nasty image and try to talk about how good played the FC Barcelona, you'll have a very funny time with these kind people.

You probably missed the 1992 Olympics because you were in grade school, but don’t worry all those fancy hotels they built are still there waiting to overcharge you for a toothbrush, shampoo, and late night entertainment.

Were you looking for me?

"Basque"-ing in self worship must mean you're in Basque country, and hitting the tapas bars a little too hard. If you can sober up; visit the village of Pamplona in Fiesta de San Fermín for the running of the bulls starting on 7 July.

edit Facts

• Contrary to popular belief, underlay in not actually Spanish, just a mere carpenters material.
• Spain is ashamed to have Portugal as a neighbor.(it's a mutual feeling)
• Spain is very proud of its colorful and creative sense of animal welfare.
• Spain really is the very, very best country in the world, just ask any Spaniard.
• Spain has been an anus for 1336 years.
• The Spanish are so romantic, the couples there eat strawberries out of each other's mouths.
• Spanish prostitutes will fuck anything except the English.
• Spanish politicians believe that having a big moustache should be obligatory for both men and women.
• Don't mention the Spanish Inquisition, as nobody has heard of it.
• Paul the Octopus who predicted World Cup results, has a cousin called Pablo.
• Contrary to popular belief, Spain is not Mexico
• The Royal couple feel constantly nagged about Ceuta and Melilla. As to let the King of Morocco get his own back, all invitations from Queen Elizabeth II are being snubbed.
• The King of Morocco is reading this page, therefore he has noticed...that he is getting his own back...sort of.

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