Spain
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| Motto: "Hello. My name is Íñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.", | |||||
| Anthem: The Ketchup Song | |||||
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| Capital | My jizz | ||||
| Largest city | Zaragotham | ||||
| Official languages | Spanish,Galician, Euskera, Català, English (only in Majorca, and Gibraltar, which, while part of the UK is supposedly Spanish!) | ||||
| Government | Constitutional Monarchy (formerly a Republic by the Grace of Jeff Bush) | ||||
| President | Osmund Saddler | ||||
| The King of party | Juan Carlos I | ||||
| Favorite Musical Instrument | Guitar | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Rafa Nadal, Don Quijote, Sancho Panza, Luis Aragonés, David Villa, Iker Casillas, Xabi Alonso, Rodolfo Chikilicuatre, Michael Phelps, Fernando Alonso | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | 15th Century. But now it's owned by Thailand! | ||||
| Currency | the Euro(but they wish it were the Pound)--4pples 00:45, 13 March 2009 (UTC) | ||||
| Religion | soccer and dancing the Macarena to propiciate goals | ||||
Spain was discovered in 1981 when the kindly old wizard, who ruled and created it revealed it to ships off the coast of France. Shortly after the sighting of this new land, contacts were established with the mysterious savages. Al'Asad.
Well first off, its okay to feel sorry for Spain since it shares it’s "borders" with France but fortunately has no ones with except Gibraltar)]] or USA, where rich people hide out, and a country that owes Spain $3.000000000 rent. they go easy on the rent. Spain, like your family is constantly at war with itself and others around it.
Why should you travel to Spain this year instead of the Bahamas? Let’s find out together.
Or just don't.
Contents |
[edit] While You Were Asleep in History Class
Let me catch you up on what you’ve missed so far. Spain was a peaceful place until civilized man appeared. The Carthaginians under Hannibal were hanging out in Spain until 210 B.C. when the Roman Empire showed up and kicked them out. Your teacher, Mrs. Jenkins told Mark Ingram that if he was going to chew gum he had to do it quietly.
The Romans held control of things until these bad asses called the Visigoths showed up. Matt who sits behind you gave Becky the “Goth Chick” an unpracticed *let’s go to the bed look* at the mention of the Visigoths.
For the next seven hundred years warfare between Christians and Muslims occurred as Christians pushed everybody who didn’t think like them out the door. The mighty Christians ended up teaching a lessons to the Muslims THIS IS IBERIA! famous quote by King Charles of Spain, so they were sent to "the Rock" Gibraltar where they remain to this day, but under the flag of the Caliphate of Britannia.
I can’t stress enough the social implications of a jock like Matt even considering dating Becky. That would be like Holy Roman Emperor Charles V asking out Roxelana the only legal wife of Suleiman the Magnificent on homecoming weekend.
[edit] The Spanish Civil War
In 1936, a Spanish general in morroco molested his entire army for a drunken bet; thus they became the "Franquistas" in spanish spelling, but pronounced: "Frank Kissed Us" in english, as english was the language used in Spain at the time (this is reflected by the fact that the Polish Republican General 'Karol Wacław Świerczewski' was called General Walter, to avoid a tounge-twister of a name, rather than the more obvious and easily-rememberd spanish name 'General Paco'). Franco suggested the entire of Spain do the same, and kiss him, but the recently formed Republic said no, and went so far as saying "you're a facist for wanting us to become part of your Franquistas, we will never kiss you for you are uglier even than El Campesino". Franco was not pleased, and invaded the Republic.
Quickly, many generals rallied to Franco's cause, and between 1936 and 1939 more of Spain was forced to kiss Franco, until it was all conquered by Franco. Madrid held out against Franco for three years; upon which capture and kiss Franco had pre-declared that he have a date with Madrid in the "Puerta del Sol", and have "communion with Madrid", which was a by-word in those days for a peck-on-the-cheek.
The international community, which in the 1930's meant Britain and suprisingly France was unsure how to treat a communist state in Europe complaining about being attacked by Facists. It reminded Britain of the time Ireland said "help us we're being invaded by gypsies", or the time La Gironde said to Paris "M'aider! M'aider les Corses nous abattent" (a joke fewer people will get) and so Britain said to everyone in the football-League of Nations: "Don't help the republic, erm, because...they have a gay looking flag". This was for good reason; some of the flag was purple, an unprecedented colour scheme in Europe. The Germans and Italians replied "Can we still bomb them?" to which Britain replied "Europeans killing each other has been the diplomatic goal of Britain since 1304".
The Republicans were renowned for their spectacular military defeats on par with French conoisseurs of the art of losing. At the battle of Brunette who lived west of Madrid(who was needless to say of brown hair, a woman who refused to kiss Franco and thus the Franquistas and the Republicans fought over her) the Republicans staged their greatest defeat of the war: the army was now under the communist control of Juan Modesto. The idea was to throw thousands of infantry at well-entrenched Franquistas positions. This idea was taken taken from the book of "how to lose a battle in ten steps", under the heading "The Somme". It succeeded spectularly, with no victory and thousands of casualties for the Republic, just like every other battle.
The International Brigade was formed to represent the Spanish Republic in tournaments abroad, but for some odd reason they played all their matches in Spain. A more apt name might have been "the Spanish brigade of the international volounteer army", as there wasn't anything 'international' about a brigade which only fought in Spain. A noteable combatants was George Orwell , during which he was inspired to write the book "home to cataolonia", a sort of sardonic reference to the fact that Catalonia was at war with the facists, the communists, the anarchists, the CND, the UNT, KFC and Wimpy. "The Spanish civil war was like watching Manchester United play Rochester in a F.A. Cup draw"; commented Oscar Wilde, while he served in the inernational brigades; everyone assumed afterwards Manchester United aluded to the Franquistas. The republican cause was deemed lost when it was discovered Mexico was their biggest supplier; this was like, in the words of George Orwell at the time on the Ebro front "inviting a cousin to be your prom-date".
The worst act of the war - so the Basque country thought anyway - was the German carpet bombing of the Oak of Guernica. There was one thing the Basques could not take; kill their women and children, their country and land, but the Oak; this crime was never forgotten, or indeed at the suggestion by Mr Basco de Gama, taken up at the Nuremburg Trials either; it was laughed out as "absurd how anyone could care so much about an oak, that's probably why you lost Oh Basque Country, honestly 'way to defend your country'".
[edit] The Spanish Civil War in literature and on screen
At the height of the war, in 1937, when the Republic was still fighting the Franquistas and not the Republic, the book "For Whom The Noob Lols" was a first hand account of the goings on of an american who was sent to blow up a bridge in the west of the Spain. It is an authoritative read for anyone interested in studying the period. The title was taken from a sermon by "John the Don" who, in 17th century said "No noob is an island," and "do not ask for whom the noob lols, he lols at thee".
The movie 'Ofelia' was about a girl who lived in northern spain during the 1940's. Another non-fictional account of the war involved a girl entering into another realm called "the Republic" inhabited by satyrs, fairies and a giant frog. To enter into the Republic which by then was illegal, she had to rescue a key from a frog, a key from a Fascist child-eating zombie, and finally to prick her brother with a knife. in the end she didn't want to prick her brother with a knife, and so could not enter into the Republic. Nor could she be a facist; her father only wanted her alive while her mother was, and so her step-father killed her. This sums up the Republic very neatly, and is also the best non-fiction film around to explain the Spanish civil war.
[edit] Political Aspects of Spain
Spain is a constitutional anarchy, I mean monarchy, but lets face it, nobody really cares. The constitution gives power to the public which is in theory (but not in practice) is represented by folical parties in the parliament (also known as "El bar de tapas" or in English "The Tapas Bar"). The parliament of Spain is know to have put forward laws in its inception. Law in Spain ultimately set up for appreciation and observation of the public, ultimately to protect it from the evils of the proletariat and English football fans. In the end law is only a set of guidelines, in which both the police and the people do not believe in. Corruption and bribing is know to be the law of the jungle, but many people take this to seriously and end up like "Forum".
[edit] The Hotness of Imperial Spain
Joanna the Mad styled “Her Royal Hotness” HRH, helped unify several lonely bachelors and create the Kingdom of Spain that we know today. Joanna liked the rough stuff more than ruling the country, and feigned schizophrenia so her relatives would keep her locked up.
Phillip the II followed up this act with hitting the low countries hard. So hard in fact that they named the Philippines after his exploits. Several thousand G.I.’s would follow his example in WWII.
While Conquistadors were busy interbreeding with the peoples of Latin and South America the Spanish Inquisition started their first season run on state television. Napoleon invaded was kicked out by those awfully nice British chaps, and the Spanish Civil War caused everyone a headache. Things were just starting to go right again when a large, unkept penis named Francisco Franco came along.
Bar-theh-loh-nah is the first city you need to check out. Don’t bother renting a car; navigating the streets in this city are tougher than getting a jack o' lantern full of candy away from your blind six year old cousin.
Everyone from this region of Spain believes they are part of their own nation called Catalonia. Feel free to remind them that Barcelona is just like any other city in Europe, and you will get drunk and urinate in the street just as freely here, as you would in Paris.
If you prefer to visit Madrid, remember to visit locals where the owner had a great moustache and a nasty image and try to talk about how good played the FC Barcelona, you'll have a very funny time with these kind people.
You probably missed the 1992 Olympics because you were in grade school, but don’t worry all those fancy hotels they built are still there waiting to overcharge you for a toothbrush, shampoo, and late night entertainment.
"Basque"-ing in self worship must mean your in Basque country, and hitting the tapas bars a little too hard. If you can sober up; visit the village of San Fermín for the running of the bulls.
Here are some helpful tips to guide you through this event:
- When running from the bulls always tap the nearest one on the head for good luck.
- Bulls love to be taunted with exposed genitals.
- Drink a gallon of chocolate milk twenty minutes before the race.
- Instead of running, why not make it a leisurely jog?
- Only tourists leave the race when in danger of being gored.
[edit] Facts
--74.72.246.31 22:30, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
- Contrary to popular belief, underlay fuck you bitch not actually Spanish, just a mere carpenters material.
- Footballers of the Spanish kind are all in denial about their great abilities to perform in the gymnastics event at each Olympics.
- Spain is ashamed to be the neighbour of Portugal.
- Spain is a two party dictatorship of which:
- The Spanish are so romantic,the couples there eat strawberries out of each others mouths.
- Spanish prostitutes will fuck anything except the Gypsies!Will Brown 13:19, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
- PSOE (Partido Socialista Obrero Espanol)--74.72.246.31 22:30, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
- El Real Madrid
Constitutes the system.
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