Space Needle

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UFO in seattle (Small)

UFO shortly before landing in downtown Seattle

The Space Needle is an alien spacecraft that landed in Seattle one cold dark rainy morning... which actually does not narrow down the days it could have landed in Seattle very much. After landing everyone gathered around to see what would come out. Obviously these people had never seen the movie War of The Worlds, or they would know never to approach a giant Alien Spacecraft to see what will come out. Luckily for them the Space Needle Aliens did not massacre the Human Race, but rather it was just Leonard Nimoy and Mel Gibson returning from their honeymoon on Uranus. A small parade was thrown and there was cake there. It was Chocolate.

The Space Needle Today

Scale comparison squid

A comparative scale demonstrating the size of the Space Needle.

Today the Space Needle, or "That weird circle thing with the pointy top" as it is called for short, is a huge tourist attraction for Space Enthusiast, Racists, Vikings, and more.

In recent years, due to lack of Tribbles and Rubber bands, The Space Needle's Maintenance Engineer, McGuyver, has let the building fall into decay. It will no longer fly, and Anyone who purchased a ticket to ride it to Uranus is out 3.141592654 dollars. Luckily the "Needle Restoration Fund" in Coalition with the People's Front of Judea are working hard to restore full power to the Engines. But without the help of Mr. Scott, this seems unlikely.

Run-ins With Darth Vader

Last Year, at approximately 2:47 PM, on a Tuesday, Darth Vader was caught by Space Needle Security trying to break into the Top-Secret, Entirely Classified, Documents of Doom that are held within the No. 3 vault on the lower floor of the Space Needle, right next to the Coca-Cola Vending Machine. The Top-Secret Documents can be easily accessed by sneaking trough the Corner window at 5:23 when the Guard takes his usual Coffee Break. Unfortunately for him, Darth Vader was unaware of how to properly break into the Space Needle. He was Arrested after 3 years in court, and sentenced to Life in Prison; Where he soon broke out using a Stapler and a French Man. He swore he would come back to the Space Needle... but has not been heard of since.

Use as a strip pole

Aspiring strippers who wish to make it big in Las Vegas tend to practice their dancing on the space needle. However, any stripper who has done this is usually not hired by dance companies, as only Obese people are capable of actually straddling the massive tower. Many prefer to practice on the Eiffel Tower, which is reportedly much easier to dance on. The fact that the space needle was once a spaceship tends to have negative affects on the strippers. It still can give off radiation, which can either have negative effects on the strippers (i.e. loss of teeth, growth of extra toes) or positive effects (i.e. swelling in the upper-chest area).

Torture Device

Recently it's been used as an execution method for capital punishment. Helicopters fly 30 feet over the Space Needle and drop the soon to be deceased right over the needle, causing instant impalement. Eventually since the bodies are left there, causing them to stack up to the top of the needle there will be no more room for new ones so this option will not be given.

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