Soy

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Moon
Although resembling soy, the moon is where soy is now harvested.

Nietzsche was lactose intolerant.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Soy

“I wish I could say that.”
~ Microsoft Sam on soy

edit Introduction

A popular food additive, often added to foods to replace ingredients such as milk, meat, fat, wheat, monkeys, Jane Fonda and I Can't Believe It's Not Soy. Usually added without any notice or labelling, because of the War on Terra and the Sheep Strikes which crippled the oil market, like bear. It is so commonly used that this article is actually made of soy. Soy also tastes like shit. Soy is extremely toxic to people & most animals whom eat it. it causes hypothyroidism, hairloss (in both sexes), obesity, fatigue, kidney & liver failure, & as an added bonus breast cancer (and indirectly most other forms of cancer as well). so people would wonder then why it is so fondly endeared by the FDA and USDA as a "healthy" food, & why they so generously put it into every possible food source, including animals (which are generally fed Soy bean oil to increase their fat ratio) & apparently the Human livestock that is the populace of america.

edit History of Soy

Rocks larger
Only the choicest rocks that John West would reject.

The discovery of Soy is credited to Martha Stewart at the height of the Stone Age. Dragons, Dinosaurs and Paris Hilton would huff only special rocks which would take 14 years to digest and be evacuated. Martha, lacking any condiments, crushed up these rocks for her Axis of Evil dinner party, which which was a great success. Especially enjoyed was the Mao Zedong cutlets with soy filling. Due to the death of Paris Hilton, the dragons and dinosaurs could not keep up the production of 'Soy rock' to satisfy Martha's addiction. Therefore the New Age Soy Agency (NASA) was formed to find new sources of 'ready-digested' Soy rock, to which the Earth's moon was a very lucky find.

The whole history of Soy was painstakingly recreated in the epic movie 101 Dalmations. Starring Martha Stewart as herself, Paris Hilton as the 57th Dalmation and Captain Picard as the Paris Hilton.

edit Controversy

Recently, soy has come under fire by PETA and related groups for the alleged cruelty of its production. This has become especially prominent after the pulication of their three-part operetta Il Nazioni Fastfutti, detailing the unsanitary conditions and assembly-line treatment which soy babies must undergo. In spite of recent highly controversial campaigns-- one in particular, drew fire from the ADL after comparing the slaughter of human babies for soy to the Holocaust-- the soy industry has continued largely unabated.


edit Titties

Soy based products contain hormones that cause the growth bitch-tits , & hair loss This is uncertain though , a recent study conducted by DQA (Drag queen's association) Points out that such side effects are over rated. However, they have proven that soy shrinks your nuts.

edit Foods/Items containing Soy

edit What about Soy Sauce?

Soy Sauce has nothing to do with Soy. The fact that there is no known origin of the production of soy sauce, shows that no-one knows the actual ingredients of soy sauce. The ambiguation that somehow it must contain both soy and sauce is dangerous at best, and is known to be the downfall of the British Empire in 1987.

edit ...and SOYlent Green?

Soylent Green also has nothing to do with Soy. In fact, it does not even have any real instances of soy at all (unless someone's last meal was soy). Please NEVER confuse Soy with Soylent Green, you might just wind up eating your grandma. I mean, after all, it IS people.

edit For Disambiguation

edit Known ingredients replaced by Soy

(side note: however most of these products in the USA now contain ridiculous levels of soy)

edit See Also

Personal tools
projects