From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Southern women are known for their good cooking, good looks, and generosity. Any man should consider himself lucky to catch a southern woman.
The South, statistically, has the worst education numbers, worst development and infrastructure, the majority of the nation's poverty and the highest mortality rates (people have poorer health, obesity and die earlier)... which brings me to the point of Darwinism: weaker of the species die earlier. There is nothing exceptional nor contributory per GDP and GNP about any southern state... just racism, stupidity, bad health, bad hygiene, poorly educated, low iq, low income morons.
Most southerners actually believe in an invisible man in the sky and that the military "protects our freedom." His name is The Colonel. They take an ancient text way too seriously but find loopholes in the "thou shalt not kill" part of it and don't see any contradiction there. They complain about "big govmint" and then proudly sacrifice their lives to the military, which globally protects the wealth of rich northerners. This is what thinkin' people find most confusing about the South. AT&T is now SBC.
The United States Government along with the US Army whipped these hillbillies back into submission when they thought they could start their own nation... they didnt anticipate a stronger, wealthier North that sliced through them like a hot knife through weak, lazy, cowardly butter.
Life after the Civil War
Southern people are very patriotic and still believe the south shall rise again.
The South is a very practical part of the US, Southern womenfolks tend to be the hottest thing God ever put on two legs, and gee, ain't they PUUUURTY? Purrty fat?
How to greet people in the South
It's quite simple really, just say hello and a good ole fashioned handshake just like yer daddy taught ya. Unlike the uncivilized North, with their pansified yankees with the delusions of superiority, they are the real part of the country that is doused in the failsauce. South=Elvis and most American music in general, North=Gay or something like it!
It is belived and accepted by most that peeple not from the south that southerners have thier own language. See below for examples.
"GIDDOF MAH LAYND Y'DAMN VARMINT!"
"Please remove youself from my property, govenment employee."
"YOU BEST NAWT BE WUN A THEM BLACK PEEPLEZ!"
"I certainly hope that you are not of the African-American community."
"GET ME MAH SHOOTY-GUN MARTHA!"
"Martha, would you please kindly hand me my hand-automated weapon?"
"GET ME SUM A DAT EATIN SHIT, WOMIN!"
"Excuse me my dear wife, but may I please have some food?"
"THIS BE FER SCREWIN UP MAH PLANTS!"
"This action was caused by you tampering with my garden."
"THEES HEER'S YER NEW WIFE BOI!"
"This is your sister"
"JEFF GORDON'S ONE A DEM QUEER-O-SEXUALS!"
"Jeff Gordon is an eloquent speaker, yet still talented at making left turns for three hours."
|Tribes of the United States|
| African Americans • French Americans (Cajuns) • Italian Americans • Native Americans|
Pennsylvania Dutch • Southern Americans • Vampire Americans • Zombie Americans
See also: American (species) • Fat Americans • Illegal Immigrants • Intelligent Americans • Stupid Americans