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The South, statistically, has the worst education numbers, worst development and infrastructure, the majority of the nation's poverty and the highest mortality rates. The South thus plays a key role in Darwinism, under which the species improves by having the worst specimens die sooner. Darwin, of course, suggested that they would die off before being able to reproduce, which ignored the other statistics on teenage and pre-teen births.
Southerners believe in God, view him as an invisible, bearded man in the sky, and esteem the military (led by The Colonel). They believe the military "protects our freedom," while incidentally hoping that every hippie in town is arrested and gets his head shaved in jail. They believe "de Souf gwin' rahs agin." Not coincidentally, AT&T is now SBC.
edit Southern Woman
Speaking of Bells, Southern women are known for their good cooking, good looks, and generosity. Any man should consider himself lucky to catch a southern woman. Any man who doesn't have a problem with their tendency to morbid obesity after about age 19.
edit How to greet people in the South
It's quite simple really, just say hello and a good ole fashioned handshake just like yer daddy taught ya. Unlike the uncivilized North, with their pansified yankees with the delusions of superiority, they are the real part of the country that is doused in the failsauce. South=Elvis and most American music in general, North=Gay or something like it!
It is belived and accepted by most that peeple not from the south that southerners have thar own language. Now den see right 'ere dis lengauge of hours.
"GIDDOF MAH LAYND Y'DAMN VARMINT!"
"Please remove youself from my property, govenment employee."
"YOU BEST NAWT BE WUN A THEM BLACK PEEPLEZ!"
"I certainly hope that you are not of the African-American community."
"GET ME MAH SHOOTY-GUN MARTHA!"
"Martha, would you please kindly hand me my hand-automated weapon?"
"GET ME SUM A DAT EATIN SHIT, WOMIN!"
"Excuse me my dear wife, but may I please have some food?"
"THIS BE FER SCREWIN UP MAH PLANTS!"
"This action was caused by you tampering with my garden."
"THEES HEER'S YER NEW WIFE BOI!"
"This is your sister"
"JEFF GORDON'S ONE A DEM QUEER-O-SEXUALS!"
"Jeff Gordon is an eloquent speaker, yet still talented at making left turns for three hours."
"DAYUM THAT LARRY THE CABLE GUY IS FUNNY."
"Larry the cable guy has a subtlety of humor that is uniquely his own."
"JESUS HELP ME, I LUST IN MY HEART LIKE EVERY MAN."
"My stepdaughter is starting to go through puberty, and I find myself sexually attracted to her."
edit See also
|Tribes of the United States|
| African Americans • French Americans (Cajuns) • Italian Americans • Native Americans|
Pennsylvania Dutch • Southern Americans • Vampire Americans • Zombie Americans
See also: American (species) • Fat Americans • Illegal Immigrants • Intelligent Americans • Stupid Americans