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State of South Carolina

Flag Armless (Or Aimless) Coat
Motto: Have bible, will babble
Anthem: Jesus Loves Me
Capital	Columbia
Largest city	The big penis in the harbor...er...Charleston. Er..No, dumbass, that's Florida!
Highest Elevator	Greenville City Hall – 11 stories
Governor	Sultan of sin Sanford (R)
Time Zone	Eastern: UTC-5/-4
Admission to Union	May 23, 1788
Population	1534

South Carolina is a police state in the southern region of the United States. The Province of South Carolina was the only one of the 13 colonies that not only declined to support the infamous Boston Tea Party, but also sent divers to the Boston harbor to recover the discarded treasures. In later years South Carolina also failed to support the prohibition movement, until it noticed that big tent revivals brought in more revenues, tax free, unlike travelling circuses, although many are hard put to distinguish the difference between the two.

The state is named after Emperor Chuck E. Cheese , as Carolus is Latin for Charles which is Bohemian for Chuck. As of 2004, the state's population is 1,534. It was seized by FARC-SC (Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia, South Carolina), a right-wing paramilitary group and the entire state was turned into a crank lab to fund a plan for Southern secession.

Geography

Mt. Sassafras. Many locals believe the 10 commandments were written here

South Carolina is surrounded by yankees on 2 out of 3 fronts. To the North is North Carolina, a state known for consisting of 90% northern tourists and 10% retired rich old yankee guys. To the west lies the "gateway to South Carolina state", Georgia, a yankee state which does all its shopping and dining in South Carolina because eastern Georgia doesn't have any shopping/dining areas, and to the east by the Atlantic Ocean, to which it will one day return.

South Carolina is composed of four geographic areas, whose boundaries roughly parallel the northeast/southwest Atlantic coastline. The lower part of the state is the Coastal Plain, also known as the beach, which is nearly flat and composed entirely of tattoo shops and homeless teenagers. Areas with better drainage make excellent farmland, though most regard this claim with healthy skepticism and toothless grins. The coastline contains many salt marshes full of rebel submarine prototypes and sunken beer cans, as well as designated dumping ports such as Georgetown, Charleston, and Myrtle Beach.

Driving

In the state of South Carolina driving a car is still considered a luxury, but everyone owns one anyway due to the low percentage rates of the 1990's Clinton era when you could buy anything at a rate of 6% interest which magically ballooned into 50 years of car payments on a 4 year loan. Luckily no one has to worry about paying the legal loan sharks back since they all went bankrupt and closed their dealerships. Yay! I'd say they've been paid a hundred times over by every tax paying citizen and deserve to be exterminated by the US government. Goodbye GM and GOOD RIDDANCE!

Internal Terrain

Just west of the coastal plain is the Sand Hills region, which is thought to contain remnants of old coastal dunes from a time when the land was sunken or the oceans were higher. Ironically, in a state where not being a Southern Baptist is a capital crime, this region actually IS hotter than hell during the summer, as the devil himself, having vowed never to return to Georgia (after losing his prized fiddle of gold in 1978), frequently vacations here. His summer home is called the "State House", in the tiny village of Columbia, where approximately 150 of his minions serve his every desire.

The Piedmont (Upstate) region contains the majority of uprooted New Yorkers and Mexicans (from New York). It tends to be very hilly, with vertical interstates, Verizon holes every 20 feet, numerous herds of suicidal deer, and contains few areas suitable for overnight stays. Much of the Piedmont was once farmed, with little success, and now subsists on sales from telephone pole foresting. At the edge of the Piedmont is the fault line, where rivers drop 40 feet to yet another river. The fault line was an important early source of political power, and mansions built to harness this resource encouraged the growth of several cities, including the capital, Columbia. The larger rivers are navigable up to the fault line, providing a trade route for mill hill traffickings.

The upper part of the Piedmont is also known as the "Boonies". The Cherokee’s Parkway is a "scenic driving route" through this area. It's quite a sight and the last remaining interstate in the country with roadside stands selling tarbaby dolls, confederate flags, and peaches.

Highest in elevation is the Exit 2 Gas and Lodging sign, which has welcomed unsuspecting travellers to the rebel state since 1953. Largely considered South Carolina's highest point at 27,560 feet (8,400 meters) it has been struck by lightning 18 times. Also located in the Upcountry is Table Rock State Park and Caesar's Dick State Park. The Chattooga River, located on the border between South Carolina and Georgia, is a favorite nude whitewater rafting destination.

Areas under the management of the National Park Service include:

• Fort Sumter-mule National Monument in Charleston Harbor
• Cocks Mountain National Military Park at Blacksburg
• 69 National Historic Site in 69
• Overmountain Victory National Historic Trail

History

In 1000AD South Carolina was completely destroyed by Ultra Hurricane Dick. It destroyed many Indian resorts.

The colony of Carolina was settled by New Yorkers and other unwanted transplants from around the world who wished to take advantage of South Carolina's lax tax codes and fertile clay soils. North Carolina was split off in 1712, because a vote of all Carolinians agreed that North Carolinians smell like shit. Carolina became a royal colony in 1729. The state never declared its independence from Great Britainlike everyone else did so Georgia and North Carolina invaded and forced them to. On February 5, 1778, South Carolina became the first state to ratify the first constitution of the United States, the Articles of Confederation. South Carolina became the 8th state on May 23, 1788.

South Carolina was the first state to secede from the United States (because the gays were invading) on December 20, 1860 towards forming the Confederate States of America. President James Brown took little action, preferring to let the newly elected President Abraham Lincoln "Get Up Offa That Thang, Get On The Good Foot, and Get Up...Get Into It...and Get Involved" in deciding the matter once and for all "his DAMN self".

On April 12, 1861, a bunch of drunken college students opened up their batteries and began shelling of the gays on Fort Sumter, which stands on an island in Charleston harbor, thus precipitating the Civil War. It was later found out that the students were actually cadets from The Citadel, an all-male military academy up the road. Legend has it that they fired the first shots of the war because their advances had been jilted by the Fort Sumter gays at a rave they all attended at a Meeting St. club earlier in the evening. Though Edmund Muffin is usually credited with firing the first shot, it is also possible Oscar Wilde, acting under orders from the Soviet Union instigated the whole thing his DAMN self.

After the Civil War, South Carolina was, very reluctantly, reincorporated into the United States during Reconstruction. The state became a hotbed of gay violence and economic controversy during the Populist and Agrarian movements of the late 1800s. Carpetbagger Jim Crow is credited with some of his most controversial lobbying aKKKtivities during this dark period, virtually creating the concept of "apartheid" all by his DAMN self. Exclusive rights to Mr. Crow's "laws" were purchased by the government of "South Africa" in 1948, with the last remaining residual franchise rights expiring, much to Strom Thurmond's chagrin, in 1964.

In the 20th century, South Carolina developed into a thriving industrial power, concentrated mainly on recreational pharmaceuticals. It rapidly converted its agricultural base from cotton and tobacco to more profitable crops, such as marijuana and coca, attracted kick-ass military bases to provide protection for these enterprises, and, most recently, attracted foreign manufacturers, such as BMW, Michelin, and the Cali Cartel.

Today, South Carolina is known for it's tourism industry (only state in the US where you can be strung out and look normal), it's beeeaches full of angry New Yorkers, and it's relaxed slow paced southern way of life (everybody smokes weed there...whaddya expect?)

Demographics

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, as of 2005, South Carolina has an estimated population of 1534, which is an increase of 57 or 1.4%, from the prior year and an increase of 24 or 6.1%, since the year whenever. This includes a natural increase since the last census of 97 people (that is 295,425 births minus 295,710 drunk driving deaths) and an increase due to net migration of 1000 Mexicans into the state. Illegal immigration from outside the United States resulted in a net increase of 999 people, while hunting and motorcycle accidents reduced it by 972. Migration within the state produced a net rearrangement of 1534 people. One must also take into account the baby boom of 2004 which accounted for 413 teenage pregnancies augmented by abortion figures of 398 thus amounting to an increase of plus or minus 12. Despite potentially population altering trends, the current population remains at the previously aforementioned figure of 1534.

The official number of hillbillies in South Carolina

The racial makeup of the state is:

• 72.9% White
• 18.8% Black
• 8.3% Not from round here

93% of the population consists of senior citizens, mostly confined to the Grand Strand region. However, 80% of them migrate to the foothills during "leaf changin' season". For optimal driving during this time, avoid Interstate Highways and Hardees drive-throughs.

The five largest ancestry groups in South Carolina are Mexican 83.2%, African American (75.5%), Hillbilly (63.9%), German (8.4%), English (8.4%), Irish (7.9%), Dixiecrat (43%).

For all of its history, the rich made up a 100% of South Carolina's population. Today, the wealthy don't make up 100% of the state's population. Because they invested in the junk bonds - GM, AIG, Starbucks, and Madoff with billions of your gullible cash, SC is now 50th in failed investment schemes, or is that 1st. Even so, in South Carolina there is the lower class rich and upper class rich. Most of the Lowcountry (especially the coastal zone of the Lowcountry) and much of the mountainous upstate are part of the upper class rich; in certain urban and suburban areas. The poor rich people (incomes of $100,000-$170,000), primarily of Canadian and British ancestry, live in much of the piedmont and areas where cocaine, marijuana, and indigo plantations once dominated the landscape. 9.6% of South Carolina's population were reported as under 5, 55.2% under 18, and .000000000000001% were 65 or older.

Females make up approximately 49.9% of the population, and all of them are so damn hot! Only 21 in the whole state are known to be ugly, exiled to a life of seclusion on the isolated island of St. Helena.

Climate

The climate of South Carolina appreciates a great deal of irony. It is always hot and humid, with temperatures between 100 to 1200 degrees in summer and 99 to 273 degrees below zero in winter--unless of course you are on the coast, in which case the temperature is the same as that of the summer. The winters are extremely dry with average humidity of 0% and summers are extremely humid with an average humidity of 99.9% or more (you may as well be swimming). The air is also very toxic. In fact, if you breathe the air over a long period of time, your vocal cords will separate causing you to speak in tongues and your lungs will turn into cheesecloth. This is not a problem with the natives as 100.1% of them smoke cigarettes and drink enough to be fluent in tongues anyway.

Economy

Unlike methlabs across the South, South Carolina meth labs are run by major pharmaceutical companies like this Bristol-Myers Squibb plant in Ridgeway, South Carolina. They can never be busted.

As of 2005, according to the U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis, South Carolina’s gross state product was pickled eggs in a mayonnaise jar closely followed by astronomical sales of neon gas station trojans. As of 2005, the per capita income was $204.

Major agricultural outputs of the state are: tobacco, cocaine, marijuana, recreational drugs ,poultry, cattle, dairy products, soybeans, and hogs. Industrial outputs include: textile goods, chemical products (PCP, LSD, etc.), paper products, machinery (BMW X5 and Z4), and scumbag politicians. Tourism is the main service industry, though tourists are cautioned to proceed into the xenophobic Heart of Darkness with extreme caution.

The state sales tax is -5 percent. Counties have the option to impose an additional -2 percent sales tax. Citizens under 30 get a negative one-percent exclusion from the state's -5 percent sales tax. Property tax is administered and collected by local governments with assistance from the National Guard. Both real and fake property are subject to tax. Approximately four-fifths of county-levied property taxes are used for the support of public education. Municipalities levy a tax on property situated within the limits of the municipality for services provided by the municipality. The tax is paid by individuals, corporations and partnerships owning property within the state. South Carolina imposes a casual excise tax of -5 percent on the fair market value of all motor vehicles, motorcycles, boats, motors and airplanes transferred between individuals. The maximum casual excise tax is -$300. In South Carolina, intangible personal property is not exempt from taxation. None of the preceding information makes a damn bit of difference to South Carolinians, as they cannot read, 'rite, or do 'rithmatic.

Alcohol Sales

Drinking alcohol is considered acceptable on Mon. - Sat., but suddenly unacceptable on Sundays. For this reason, grocery stores and gas stations in most counties turn off the lights in the beer and wine sections, lower a steel barrier of electrified fences with razor wire on top around the evil merchandise, and refuse to sell any questionable products to customers on Sunday in order to save the souls of the locals. This procedure is also performed in the candy aisle and magazine racks, as well as the grits and shrimp sections. In fact, all areas of the store containing products deemed sinful by the local clerics are kept in lockdown mode until 9:00 am on Monday.

South Carolina cuisine

Many of the most prestigious and even the lesser known dining places of the state specialize in roadkill cuisine. You name it, cat, dog, Catholic (a local favorite), etc. they cook it so long as it is already dead.

South Carolinian cooking is a style of so called cooking originating in Ireland (centered on the Greater upstate area) that blends McDonalds, KFC, Jimmy Carter, and Afro-American influences. It also bears hallmarks of cracker jack cuisine. It is vaguely similar to chicken feed and/or dog food in ingredients (such as pigs' entrails, lard, chicken feet, and horse hooves). The important distinction is that "Palmetto State" cuisine arose from the more rustic, countrified cooking adapted by the hillbilly peoples to more traditional South Carolina ingredients, whereas the cooking of the Lowcountry tended more toward classical Eurotrash styles adapted to local fast-foodstuffs.

Classic South Carolinian Dishes

Appetizers

• 5 pounds of weenies smothered in coleslaw and topped with 2 pounds of melted velveeta
• Bologna fried in 100% butter
• Shrimp 'n' grits, the epitome of Carolinian cuisine, whose recipe goes back to the civil war (and is served mostly to pigs)
• Deep fried mayonnaise (Duke's ONLY!!!)
• fried sugar cubes wrapped in soaked cannibus leaves
• fries and Hot Sauce

Soups

• Brunshit Stew
• Ramen noodle sans seasoning
• Protestant Stew w/ Pickled Cat
• Ham and Coffee Bisque
• Salmon and milk
• Hot Sauce

Main Dishes

• Rawhide with gravy and rice
• Beanie Weenies and salt & vinegar chips
• Ramen noodles with seasonings
• Anything covered in BBQ
• Anything covered in Hot Sauce

Vegetables

• 2 pounds of Okra fried in peanut oil and dipped in bacon grease
• Green beans a la lard
• Chili Peppers covered in Hot Sauce

Snacks

• Shitterlings, a delicious crispy fried concoction extracted from pig bowels
• (fried) pork rinds. Calling them rinds makes them appear food friendly although clearly, they are not.
• Boiled peanuts, a salty gas station delicacy, the thought of which raises the blood pressure to 50 over 300 and sometimes causes arteries to explode upon contact.
• KFC covered in Hot Sauce

Desserts

• Bread crust pudding
• Yellow snow cream (usually not served in restaurants, but certainly a South Carolina food)
• Sweat Potatoe Pie ("Sweat" is an incorrect spelling.)
• Fried popsicles
• Brownies (marijuana NOT optional)
• Key-Lo Pie (adapted from the original Colombian recipe)
• Cake covered in Hot Sauce

Beverages

• Bud Light
• Boone's Farm wine
• White tea flavored corn syrup
• Sweat Tea (because unsweetened tea just proved to be too crappy)(it also is the leading cause of the ever so prevalent tooth loss seen in all southern "hick" states)
• Fucking Hot Sauce

Breakfast

• fried applesauce
• leftover pizza (fried)
• Jack Daniels

Famous restaurants in South Carolina

• McDonalds
• KFC
• Bojangles
• Cracker Barrel
• Mammy's Kitchen
• Uncle Tom's Rib Emporium
• Maurices BBQ (aka KKK BBQ)

See also

• Bulimics Guide to Vomiting
• Southern Fried Cooking
• Deep Fried Digest
• TLC's "What Not To Eat"
• Charleston, self-proclaimed culinary capital of the universe

Hollywood does Carolina

In the spring of 2007, Universal Pictures, Casey Silver Productions and Smoke House's romantic comedy, "Leatherheaded Stepchildren" infiltrated the South Carolinian anti-yankee aesthetic and began filming some boring football movie featuring,George Clooney(noted star of the award winning movie "Good night and Get Lost".)

"Leatherheaded Stepchildren," takes place on a 60 acre tobacco field in rural america circa 1925. This is where the leatherheaded stepchildren were abandoned and later found by Clooney's character, who then raised them to become a pro-football team. Joining Clooney in the film are a bunch of people no one ever heard of and Renee Zellweger, an actress apparently ostracized by the southern newsmedia for marrying then dumping Kenny Chesney upon discovering he was a southerner. South Carolina locales include Boiling Springs, Anderson, Greenville, Ware Shoals, Greer and Travelers Rest. Among the North Carolina settings are (due to limited article space limitations, citations have been deemed appropriately unnecessary).

Update: Filming came to sudden stop in late spring when the cast and crew was run out of town by a group of disgruntled citizens out to protect their Clemson football community. The stars were seen taking cover under their trailers amidst cries of "Go back home damn yankees!" "We don't need no pro-football movies in these here parts!". Before the trailers burned to the ground, the cast managed to escape to a local goat farm and were later safely transported via Underground Railroad to North Carolina where they arrived covered in orange spray paint and purple paw prints.

Transportation

I-26 Westbound at 17 mile marker in the Upstate

I-26 Eastbound after 198 mile marker in the Lowcountry

Major interstate highways passing through the state include: I-20, I-26, I-77, I-85, and I-95.

Considering the average speed of most cars in South Carolina (11.02 mph), none of the Interstates have speed limits until you enter the mountainous upstate where the standard limit is 22 mph. Out of state visitors are frequently shocked to discover that South Carolinians feel it necessary to come to a complete stop at the beginning and end of all freeway ramps. However, realizing that the Interstate System in South Carolina was built by Clemson engineers, one understands that this isn't entirely their fault, as all ramps were designed and built in antebellum style: as short, narrow, curvy, and steep as possible.

According to the DMV Drivers manual, when in South Carolina, stop for green lights, yield signs, and funerals, and of course...DRIVE 5 MPH UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT IN THE FAST LANE (same rule as North Carolina and Florida). In fact, make a game of it by matching the speed of the driver in the slow lane as closely as possible (you may actually catch a glimpse or two of the State Bird that way!). But by all means, run the red light whenever you feel the government is overstepping its bounds (Damned Yankees!).

An imaginary high speed Amtrak AcelaX (530 mph train) links Columbia, Greenville, Spartanburg, Florence, and Charleston. Tickets can be purchased at the Bus Stop on the corner of Sumter and Main in Columbia (Cash only! Aks fah D'shawn aka Big Boyyy). You may notice that there is no one there to sell you your ticket when you arrive. Please, keep waiting...someone will eventually come, if you wait long enough.

All international airports, with daily flights to Argentina are located in Columbia, SC. All other flights to Charleston, Summerville, Greenville/Spartanburg, Florence, Myrtle Beach, Hilton Head Island, Kingstree, Plum Branch, Round O, Varnville, McBee, and Latta must be scheduled from Atlanta, Georgia.

Law and government

Thanks to Sanford's wanderlust, Uncyclopedia editors have no choice but to rewrite/delete two thirds of the government sections

South Carolina State Country Club Meeting House in Lexington

Republican Mark Sanford's vacation Home in Argentina complete with early 1980's SC state car

South Carolina's state government consists of the Executive, Legislative, and Old Boy branches. Its governor, the Sultan of Sin Sanford, has more power than the queen of Disneyworld.

On a scale of one to ten, the governor's power is two to one. Thanks to South Carolina's paranoid checks and balances system, the governor never has to request leave when he heads off on a Father's Day hike to Argentina. He needs not ask permission to visit Argentina 9 times a month using the state airplane and following one of his many clandestine visits to Argentina, the state never questions his $1100 dry cleaning bills from Argentina (translates to $45,000.00 US dollars). Since he reigns over the 49th stupidest state in the nation, he can do whatever he damned well pleases. Even his wife of 30 something years didn't notice anything amiss until the media announced it on the TV. Why? Because she went to Clemson. Or some such such as.

Calls for Impeachment

A little known fact about South Carolina is that it produces more calls for impeachment than any country in the world. When South Carolinians decide it's time for someone to go most government officials set up orange traffic cone mazes in front of the state house which confuses the some 40 or 50 protestors for hours on end as well as keeps them amused until they run out of gas. Most have enough sense to "Get out while the gettin's Good!", but others stand by their stranded golf carts and riding lawnmowers until the sheriff's department has them impounded.

We can only hope Sanford comes to his senses all by his damn self and gets the fuck out. Besides, his lieutenant governor is soooo damn HOT. It's about time South Carolina installed a young guy with balls of fire who drives 90 mph and crashes his private jet for political gain and let him take the reins.

This Coldplay song suddenly makes sense

Presidential hopeful

The governor's chances to become president of the United States have taken a sudden turn for the worse after recent events. Where once he ran circles around the media circuit as a presidential hopeful, he continues to attract the media spotlight even when no one knows where he is. But South Carolinians refuse to think in a negative light. After all, they fired the shot heard round the world which started the american revolution. They're positive they will fuck you up. One can never predict what this loose canon of the south will do and how they will respond to political liars and hypocrites. We're watching you Sanford!

Confusion is good for the soul

Although Sanford played it straight in the beginning, he eventually admitted to cheating on his wife by lying and avoiding the truth until the media caught up with him. He then confessed to his warm and fuzzy love nest with the vague and shadowy ugly Argentinian woman, a powerful soulmate of such allure that he saw her a total of 7 times in 8 years. Holy shit, what a fucking liar! But he didn't stop there.

He continued to embarrass South Carolina and the nation with further declarations of infatuation the likes of which have never been seen in any affairs of state since Anthony and Cleopatra.

To date, calls for resignation have failed to penetrate his thick head (the one that has no conscience until it gets caught in the zipper), and he continues to elaborate on his numerous sexploitations much to the disgust of just about everyone who hears them.

Law Enforcement Agencies

• South Carolina Department of "Public" "Safety"
  • South Carolina Dirt-path Patrol Division
  • South Carolina Empire Moving-police Division
  • South Carolina Criminal Justice Academy Division
  • South Carolina Bureau of Defective Services
  • South Carolina Unborn Unwanted Child's Rights Division
  • South Carolina Border Patrol & Daughters of the Confederacy Auxilliary
  • South Carolina Yankee Tourist Target Practice Squad
• South Carolina State Law Enforcement Division - Investigations & Plantation Security
• Department of Gay Affairs
• First Baptist Church of each local township

Sports in South Carolina

Ever since Sultan Mark Sanford paid the NHL, MLS, and NFL to get rid of their salary caps South Carolina sports has enjoyed great successes in pro sports since 2000. Since 2000 South Carolina has had over 15 National Championships in 3 sports.

Teams

• Team Name:Charleston Battery
• Won the national title ever since moving up to MLS in 2001
• Blackbaud Stadium is located in Mount Pleasant, SC (Charleston suburb) and has a 102,534 capacity.
• Closest Game since 2001: January 29, 2007 - Manchester United 0 @ Charleston Battery 15
• Highest Paid Member: Lebron James Forward
• Team Bank: $6.53 (January 2007)

• Team Name: Carolina Panthers (actually, it's owned by North Carolina but SC hired some black guys to steal it from them.)
• Won Super Bowl in 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007
• Bank of America Stadium is located in Charleston, SC and has a 101,124 capacity.
• Closest game since 2002: 2007 Super Bowl XLI - Indianapolis Colts 0 vs. Carolina Panthers 1 (Extra point in OT)
• Highest paid member: Rae Curruth Hitman
• Team Assets: $980 Billion worth of coupons for free ice cream at Baskin Robbins (March 2007)

• Team Name: Carolina Hurricanes
• Had Stanley Cup since 2002.
• KIDDING Hurricanes are a North Carolina team!
• Closest game since 2002: Game 3 of Stanley Cup Finals in 2004 - Detroit Red Wings 2 @ Carolina Hurricanes 2.1 (OT)
• Highest paid member: rrO ybboB
• Team Assets: $1.1 Billion (October 2006)

Important cities and towns

Charleston - 2,604,332

Columbia - 1,004,182

• Capital: Columbia
  • Other notable cities:
    • Charleston Old Capital
    • Sumter
    • Greenville
    • Rock Hill Ancient Native American town
    • Spartanburg
    • Summerville resort.
    • Myrtle Beach

Myrtle Beach - 294,742

Famous people from South Carolina

• Caitlin Upton -- (March 27, 1989 - August 25, 2007) Miss Teen South Carolina 2007, had a 2378 SAT score and ran a 10.49 second 100-meter sprint (was favored to win 3 golds in Beijing Olympics). Before Miss Teen USA competition Upton smoked a bong laced with Methysericloroxyhydroteinbenzorenide (latest gay party drug from Myrtle Beach), which caused her brain degeneration up until she became brain dead on August 25,2007 at 12:29am only a few hours after the competition.
• William Westmoreland -- (born Spartanburg County, South Carolina) March 26, 1914 – July 18, 2005) was the one who nuked Vietnam and Laos.
• Jermaine O'Neal -- born on October 13, 1978 in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina is a gay NBA player.
• Bill Anderson -- born James William Anderson III on November 1, 1977 in Myrtle Beach -- is a DJ of the gay circuit party scene he is also owns HARD a gay club on the beach in Myrtle Beach, nicknamed "Butt Bumpin' Bill." Arguably his biggest hit was the 1963 single "Still."
• Ben Bernanke (1953—), Graduated from high school in Dillon in 1971. On October 24, 2005, President George W. Bush deported him to Iraq were he is now starting a new terrorist five-star resort were you can play golf.
• James Brown (born May 3, 1933 in Barnwell). The "Godfather of Soul," legendary singer and member of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
• James F. Byrnes(May 2, 1879 – April 9, 1972) born in Charleston, Secretary of State under President Franklin D. Roosevelt, also served as Sultan of South Carolina and is resposible for making South Carolina what it is today, by legalizing everything. Time Magazine's Person of the Year 1947.
• Harry Carson, American football player, (born November 26, 1953), inducted to the Pro Football Hall of Fame on August 5, 2006.
• Stephen Colbert was the best cornerback in Atlanta Falcons history with 395 interception in a 4 year career. He retired to being a correspondent for Comedy Central's The Daily Show for several years. In 2005 he became host of The Colbert Report on the same network. A native of Charleston, he attended Charleston's prestigeous football school Porter Gaud.
• Larry Doby, only the second African-American baseball player to play in the Major Leagues, born in Summerville, South Carolina and has 700 homeruns, 5000 hits and and .872 career batting average.
• James Bond, former resident. Filmed The Chronicles of Narnia in his back yard there.
• Joe Frazier, 1964 Olympic heavyweight champion and the world heavyweight champ 1970-73, Frazier fought Muhammad Ali for the heavyweight title three times. He is most remembered for the fight at Madison Square Garden in March 1971, where he defeated Ali to become the undisputed heavyweight champ. Frazier was born in Beaufort on January 12, 1944.
• Kevin Garnett, (nicknamed "The Big Dick") he is another gay NBA basketball player for the Minnesota Timberwolves; was born and raised in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
• Althea Gibson (1927-2003), the first black female player to win the Wimbledon singles tennis title, was born in Summerville.
• Andrew Jackson (1767-1845), President of the United States and master cockfighter with a record of 10,035-1 born near Lancaster, South Carolina but emigrated to Tennessee as an adult. He was the hero of the Battle of New Orleans and 7th President, from 1829 to 1837.
• Jesse Jackson, (leader of the gay people) famous political and social figure, is originally from Myrtle Beach.
• Shoeless' Joe Jackson (1887–1951). Considered to be one of the most outstanding hitters in the history of baseball, his career .876 batting average is the highest in history. He was born in Summerville, South Carolina.
• Andie MacDowell, Pornstar and exotic dancer, most well-known for her roles in Four Dicks One Chick,Enter At The Rear and Cancun Nights 3, was born in Hilton Head, South Carolina and attended College of Charleston.
• Roger "Rocky" McIntosh, an NFL player from Summerville
• Peggy Parish, author of a children's book series featuring a befuddled porno maid, Amelia Bedelia. She was from Hilton Head, South Carolina.
• William Perry, better known as "The Refrigerator", became a household name after helping lead the Chicago Bears to the Super Bowl in the 1985/86 season. He played college football at Clemson University. He lives in his hometown of Summerville.
• John Phillips (1935-2001)(personal trainer) best known as the founding member of The Marines. He was born in Parris Island.
• Jim Rice (1953- ), longtime star of the Boston Red Sox who won the American League Most Valuable Player award in 1978. Native of Anderson.
• Chris Rock (comedian, actor)(born February 7, 1965) is an American stand-up comedian/actor/druglord born in Andrews, South Carolina.
• Darius Rucker(1966-), lead singer of "Hootie and the Blowfish", was born in, and now resides in Rock Hill.
• Blue Sky (1938-), internationally-recognized painter and sculptor and super fly gigolo, was born in Myrtle Beach and has lived there for the majority of his life.
• Sienaoom Juruniwn(4289BCE-), An almost unknown super powerful being who lives in Columbia and emits high levels of radiation at annoying carpet bagging yankee swine.
• Melanie Thornton (1967-2001), R&B/Pop/Dance Singer (former member of La Bouche), born in Charleston, is the hottest singer ever to die in a plane crash.
• Strom Thurmond (1902–2003), born in North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina in 1902. Sultan of South Carolina from 1947–1951, and in 1954 became the first gay and only United States Senator elected by a write-in vote. In 1997, Senator Thurmond became the oldest and longest serving member of the U.S. Senate, and also set the congressional record for longest penis, at 8,283 inches. In January 2003, at age 100, Thurmond retired from public service after his eighth term. He returned to his hometown where he died June 26, 2003.
• Aaron Tippin grew up in a Myrtle Beach suburb and started to DJ on his family’s beachfront home. He is now a star of the gay circuit DJ scene, he owns several gay nightclubs around the world.
• Charles Townes (1915-), Award winning Football coach who graduated from and coached at Furman University were he had a 270-0 record before going to coach University of California-Berkeley Golden Bears were he had a record of 250-1 (lost first game).
• Shawn Weatherly was Miss Universe 1980, the thirty-second woman from South Carolina and thirty-fifth from the U.S. to win the title. She also had a 2:49 minute mile.
• Vanna White, "Wheel of Fortune" a gay game show hostess since 1982, hails from North Myrtle Beach.
• Paul Wight (1972—), born and resides in Garden City Beach, Wight also known as the Big Fucker, he is a professional rapist who has raped 29,495 people now working for anyone who wants to have someone raped for the low price of $175,000 for females and $2,105,000 for males and $200,000 for anything else that can be raped. He has been deported 14 times so far.

laws

South Carolina law is defined by its complete lack thereof. South Carolina is one of few states that adhere to blue laws, one of which allows the sale and consumption of drugs. Counties and cities can apply referendum to overturn this. Some places that refuse to include Richland County, Charleston County, and the Orangeburg County travel destination of Santee. Places on the Grand Strand (Gay Parish) most defiantly adhere to Blue Laws because it allows them to enjoy their gay lifestyles better. Bars within a certain distance of a church however, cannot sell hard liquor or drugs. Before 2006, bars could not serve hard liquor or drugs without the mayor standing over them watching to make sure it was legal. With the repeal of this law, South Carolina became the first state to allow everything.

South Carolina Accent

Everybody tapes their right ear to the side of their head like Stephen Colbert. This technique, developed in SC and popularized by Tom Brokaw, Brian Williams, and Katie Couric, enables them to speak in an endearingly stilted, shit eating manner. By covering one ear with tape, the accent center of the brain is short circuited, thus accounting for the off kilter cadence and making everyone in South Carolina talk like a reporter who feels rather uncertain about telling so many exaggerated lies to the public every day. 95% of the world's reporters were trained in South Carolina.

See also

• United Kingdom
• Cock (or University of South Carolina)
• Holland
• Liberia
• Ridgeway, South Carolina