South Australia

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“In South Australia, we are much better than you, simply because we are South Australian”

~ Mike Rann, South Australian Premier, on South Australia

“South Australia - The Only State”

~ Discarded state slogan

Flag of South Australia

South Australia is a former Australian state, the capital of which was Adelaide. Its official name was "The Southern part of the Northern Territory", and it was under the authority of the Northern Territory until it was ceded to the Federal Government of Australia after Federation.

See below for ++ A great lesson on the Great State of South Australia ++.

It was most well known for the invention of the pie floater, Farmers Union Iced Coffee and the Stobie pole.

[edit] Discovery

The State of South Australia was discovered by Oscar Wilde around 78,000 B.C., when he was pursuing a certain lost poem. He veered drastically off course and landed on a South Australian beach. His first words were "Where the bloody hell am I?", thus creating the idea of a certain ad campaign. Skippy the Kangaroo told him that he had landed in South Australia. The rest, we say, is history.

[edit] Climate

South Australia was a freezing state. Oscar Wilde, when visiting it while doing research for his famous novel Gulliver's Travels (which was subsequently plagarised by Jonathan Swift), described it as "a dreadful place of ice and snow". This was evened out in summer though due to the fact that many South Australians spontaneously combusted, which caused smouldering ash to mix with the air that created warm thick smog.

[edit] Recent Economic Development

While only a few years ago, South Australia was mainly known for producing Deutscheulmostliebfraumilkengetpistandahalfen wine and providing storylines for movies that combined the slasher genre with kinky sex, recent developments led by a group of Federal Ministers have used their entertaining drunken orgies (dressed a la french-waitresses) to co-opt half the federal budget into opening up a spiffy weapons factory for a wholly-owned subsidiary of the US war machine, and have thus taken mass murder and kinkyness to a level unparralleled since Calingular and Nero had a night on the town.

[edit] Adelaide

Main article: Adelaide

The city of Adelaide was founded solely so that the people of Perth would have something to feel superior over, thus distracting them from their own crappiness. However, as anyone who observed both places knew, they were both as hole-ish as each other, except Adelaide had nice chocolate and Perth had nothing. Now the world's largest drop bear preserve, Adelaide is a dangerous place. Far too dangerous to go to. Indeed. Far, far, far too dangerous for a weenie like you to ever want to visit, so I won't even discuss its many attractions to you.

In recent years, Adelaide has become sort of a Mecca for the great unwashed as Salisbury and Elizabeth have continued their raping and pillaging, hoping to spread the religion of Boganism to the masses.

Salisbury

Salisbury is a place north of Adelaide famous for it's bogans and crime. A trip through Salisbury will take you through a rabies infested town where millions of people live in the gutter, killing others just to provide food for their families which often have more than twenty children.

Elizabeth

Elizabeth (pronounced 'Lizbef') is Salisbury's main rival town inhabited purely with bogans. That's about all we can think of to write about this shit hole! The main industry in this town, is welfare. Centrelink are the biggest employer.

[edit] Coober Pedy

Coober Pedy, in the state's far south, contained the world's largest bum fluff mine. This valuable commodity was so abundant in the town that offcast bum fluff literally littered the streets. The people of Coober Pedy were magical elf-dragons, and lived in crystal castles shaped like trees that were suspended in the air by the hand of God Himself. Until 1936 the fact that God does not exist commonly was pointed out by atheists and caused many crystal castles to fall and break on the ground - this was the reason for the controversial law that allowed the elves of Coober Pedy the right to shoot atheists on sight.

[edit] The Great Australian Bite

South Australia's Parliament building has seen better days

This restaurant in the Nullarbor Plain was world-renowned. Its famous goanna steaks were a joy to taste and its chocolate mousse once caused Oscar Wilde to remark, "I fear I may never eat again, for naught can compare to the joy of this dessert!"

[edit] Whyalla

Whyalla was a medium-sized town in the central-north of South Australia, inhabited entirely by left-handed One Eyed Bogans. The reasons for this odd demographic distribution were unknown. Attempts to query the residents of Whyalla were unsuccessful, as they simply jabbered on in their incomprehensible foreign language.

The sole economic output of Whyalla was pig iron, used for smoothing out wrinkled pigs. The output of the Massive Whyalla Pig Iron Works was vaporised and vented into the surrounding atmosphere every Thursday for unknown reasons, causing massive red dust storms and general panic amongst the more superstitious members of the local populace. All other production was usually purchased by developing Asian nations to assist in the construction of giant iron pigs.

Whyalla also has one of the biggest pregnancy rates in the whole world, because of all the lesbians that live there, who have cults formed for the sole propose of having gay sex. Scientists maintain that the pig irons in the water causes the lesbians to live only to the age of 20. So they bang the crap out of everything they see dogs, cats, floppy disks you name it.

[edit] Port Pirie

Main article: Port Pirie

Port Pirie is the most lead infested town in the world. It has developed a sub-species of humans known as 'Lead Heads'. They are often found living off of the dole and various pensions. Port Pirie is a highly entertaining town which has many things to do and see, such as the Reject Shop, which is Port Pirie's most cherished store, on a thursday, otherwise known as 'dole' or 'pay' day, Lead Heads are found here in vast numbers searching for a bargain.

The Mayor of Port Pirie is John Lead, otherwise known as 'the king of lead' whose grandfather introduced lead into Port Pirie and basically fucked it up for the residents of today, who are forced to live under the terrorfying regime known as the "TenBy10" project, similar to the umbrella corporation. Port Pirie's population is decreasing because of the many lesbians who live there. The females of Port Pirie either have a choice of a Lead Head or another female, more often then not, they choose another female.

So if you have an interest to move to a new, exciting town, give Port Pirie a go, you'll love it here!

[edit] Port Augusta

Port Augusta is an ugly slutsville, where we would not advise walking down the street, unless you enjoy a good raping or two. It is full of derros and no hoper alcoholics that just sit around on there fat obese asses drinking and smoking. Mayor red fuzz ball is the leader of this hole, and attempted to clean up the streets by making the whole city a dry zone. needless to say this was a failed endevour and pt augusta is still as feral as hell , and still smells like plonk (two $ casket of wine). The streets are littered with syringes but this doesn't discourage the bare foot locals they already have every disease under the sun. One of the must see attractions is the deformed inbred children, they are often seen swimming in the sewage(they call it a beach)covered in faeces.

[edit] Mt Gambier

South Australia's third-largest settlement was almost part of Victoria. Almost. Near Naracoorte home to the world famous naracoorte caves... where you can see the students of naracoorte high regularly playing down amongst the dirt. very fetching.

[edit] Port Lincoln

The headquarters of the wealthy tuna fisherman cartel is shrouded in secrecy, seen by few who dare to wander off the highway.

[edit] Quorn

Main article: Quorn, South Australia

This particular South Australian location is so utterly boring no one in their right mind would ever bother writing an Uncyclopedia page for it.

[edit] Everywhere else

You seriously don't need a description for that title...

[edit] A great lesson on the Great State of South Australia

This edition of Great SA* focuses on the history of early migration to the Great State of South Australia. As you will see there are two crucial 'take-home' points in this respect:

1. No convicts

2. Some Germans

[edit] No convicts

Unlike all other States of Australia, South Australia Is convict free, making it heaps better than all the other states.

To fully understand the extent of infestation of convict gene into other States, note that in New South Wales, at one point, convicts made up 82% of the population. This infestation had devastating effects. The convict influence in NSW no doubt largely led to the perversion of a truly classic game, Rugby Union, into the feral unsophisticated spectacle that is Rugby League. Tasmania received around 75,000 convicts in the 50 years from 1803-1853 and, well, look at Tasmania now … .

[edit] Some Germans

No one really knows why they chose South Australia, perhaps it was the lack of Catholics (see above), but many of the first white folk to settle in large numbers in South Australia were German Lutherans, fleeing The idea that they where all Nazis, this created a new sub culture in society the Gerbogans.

The Lutheran character has had a long-lasting and profound influence on South Australian culture, the ' early minute' being a shining example of the Protestant work ethic in effect. Apparently the term "early minute" is only used in South Australia – essentially it's a term used by a teacher to students indicating that, in reward for good behaviour, they might be able to leave school a moment early.

There are more direct German influences on South Australian language:

whereas in other parts of Australia you would use the crude term "jam doughnut", in South Australia they would use the less more cultured term ' Berliner bun'

whereas in other states you have "Devon", we have " Fritz" which the Ass wipe who wrote this maintains it is in fact a distinct and far inferior product (the ass whole shit face who wrote this recommends that next time you find yourself in the Shit whole state that is State of South Australia you do not try a 'fritz and sauce sandwich' because of there laxating effect).

Of course the English were not immediately ready to let these Germans settle in the city of Adelaide itself, instead they put them to work nearby in the Barrossa Valley and Adelaide Hills regions. So there came to be crappy fucked up little German towns on the outskirts of Adelaide such as Bethany , Langmeil, Ebenezer, Hoffnungsthal, Blumberg, Lobethal, Grunthal and, of course, Hahndorf full of Gerbogans.

A history of German influence in South Australia is available here. Most notable, though, is the influence on sausages (eg mettwurst), wine (eg Seppelt) and beer.

Adelaide holds the annual Schuztenfest (or "Shitzen-faced" to some) festival, first held in 1865 (in Lobethal). Unfortunately, this cultural event, traditionally a German shooting festival , is somewhat marred each year by the ferals of Adelaide's outer northern suburbs** (clearly a product of indiscriminate, '10-pound Pom' 1950s migration as opposed to the more selective English migration of the 19th Century) coming into CBD (a biannual pilgrimage, the other event being bogan-fest aka Clipsal 500) and behaving themselves in manner one not would expect from a properly bred South Australian.

So there you have it – a bit of an explanation of who we are and where we come from.

Another great lesson on the Great State of South Australia.

________________

note, this publication, although pursuing a similar agenda and using a remarkably similarly and arguably misleadingly deceptive logo, potentially breaching copyright, is in no way endorsed by or related to SA Great , the South Australian Government Department charged with the (quite simple) task of … um … making SA … um … great …