Soup

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[[Image:CFSMsmall.jpg|thumb|Oscar Wilde's preferred flavour.]]
 
[[Image:CFSMsmall.jpg|thumb|Oscar Wilde's preferred flavour.]]
 
{{Q|No soup for '''you'''!!!|The [[Adolf Hitler|Soup Nazi]]}}
 
{{Q|No soup for '''you'''!!!|The [[Adolf Hitler|Soup Nazi]]}}
{{Q|How about sexual intercourse, soooup. I love soup!|Zecora}}
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{{Q|Hello, soooup. I love soup!|Zecora}}
]], the usual remedy, unless you like screwing around with basters and strainers, is simply to let the water boil off.
 
   
A Nazi once ate soup with jew's flesh and he died.
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When a [[cook]] has added too much [[water]], the usual remedy, unless you like screwing around with basters and strainers, is simply to let the water boil off.
When a cook is patient but so bad at measurement that, by the time the excess water has boiled off, the dick is indistinguishable in color, texture, and taste from the [[vegetable]]s, we call the result mush. Typically, mush is discarded, if anyone is looking.
+
  +
When a cook not only cannot measure water but is not patient enough to let the water boil off, or cannot measure the passage of time, we call the result '''soup.'''
  +
  +
When a cook is patient but so bad at measurement that, by the time the excess water has boiled off, the [[meat]] is indistinguishable in color, texture, and taste from the [[vegetable]]s, we call the result mush. Typically, mush is discarded, if anyone is looking.
   
 
== History ==
 
== History ==
The inventor of soup was a fulltime loser born during the Jurrasic period during the ice age. on Framany, a small island west of [[France]] owned by [[Germany]]. Fraser never learned his letters, but when he was 17, found work as a violin-stringer. As Fraser matured, he became [[fat]], [[ugly]], and accident-prone.
+
The inventor of soup was Fraser McSoup Fraser, born in 1351 on Framany, a small island west of [[France]] owned by [[Germany]]. Fraser never learned his letters, but when he was 17, found work as a violin-stringer. As Fraser matured, he became [[fat]], [[ugly]], and accident-prone.
 
{{wikipedia}}
 
{{wikipedia}}
In 1385 Fraser was chopping up vegetables and everything fell into a nearby pot of shit . This was the invention of ass. Fourteen years later, Fraser discovered that it tasted better without the chopping board. Thus he invented vegetable soup. From that, he experimented with different types of soup, which are still eaten to this day.
+
In 1385 Fraser was chopping up vegetables and everything fell into a nearby pot of boiling water. This was the invention of soup. Fourteen years later, Fraser discovered that it tasted better without the chopping board. Thus he invented vegetable soup. From that, he experimented with different types of soup, which are still eaten to this day.
   
==Faggot noodle soup ==
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== Chicken noodle soup ==
In [[1894]], 12-year-old Marcus Rubens fell off the roof of his 5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 miles above ground home and came down with a mild cold in the hospital. A tank pulled into the hospital and broke the window and cum fell out of the Nazi.
+
In 1894, 12-year-old Marcus Rubens fell ill with a mild cold in the small village of Wrongsdale, [[England]]. His mother decided Marcus was infected with bananas and that soon he would become a banana boy.
   
She built a laboratory in the frigging garden in which to develop a shit. She conducted experiments involving pouring different liquids on bananas. Eventually, she tried a concoction of chicken, wheat boogers, toe nails, and expired cheese. When poured on a rocky mountain oyster, it became all mushy and gross. She assumed that this killed the banana's evil demons, even though the banana had the same reaction to every other mixture. You see, it was the banana that was mushy and gross.
+
She built a laboratory in the back garden in which to develop a cure. She conducted experiments involving pouring different liquids on bananas. Eventually, she tried a concoction of chicken, wheat noodles, barley, and carrots. When poured on a banana, it became all mushy and gross. She assumed that this killed the banana's evil demons, even though the banana had the same reaction to every other mixture. You see, it was the banana that was mushy and gross.
   
 
Marcus's mother made a pot of this soup and force-fed him. Marcus, initially too weak to resist, saw his condition improve, though he protested having to eat twenty bowls of soup a day. The village saw the results and began feeding chicken soup to sick children.
 
Marcus's mother made a pot of this soup and force-fed him. Marcus, initially too weak to resist, saw his condition improve, though he protested having to eat twenty bowls of soup a day. The village saw the results and began feeding chicken soup to sick children.
   
Sadly for Marcus, the forward march of science cannot be stopped. Marcus's mother insisted that he continue eating soup to prevent a recurrence of the condition, and one night made a makeshift intravenous feed of soup from a bag hanging from the bed frame. The next morning, the young patient was retarded and soup was flowing out of every bodily orifice.
+
Sadly for Marcus, the forward march of science cannot be stopped. Marcus's mother insisted that he continue eating soup to prevent a recurrence of the condition, and one night made a makeshift intravenous feed of soup from a bag hanging from the bed frame. The next morning, the young patient was dead and soup was flowing out of every bodily orifice.
   
 
===[[Jews]]===
 
===[[Jews]]===
Jews should go to hell because they especially favor chicken soup made by fulltime cum eaters. This is because Jews ordinarily eat matzoh balls, halvah, dry little crackers, knishes, and other ceremonial foods which, on the food chain, are located somewhere between liver-sausage and sandpaper. If a Jewish child is temporarily unable to eat these ritual foods and shows signs of "wasting away," his parents cater to his condition by allowing him to eat chicken soup, a food that is semi-normal.
+
Jews especially favor chicken soup for medicinal purposes. This is because Jews ordinarily eat matzoh balls, halvah, dry little crackers, knishes, and other ceremonial foods which, on the food chain, are located somewhere between liver-sausage and sandpaper. If a Jewish child is temporarily unable to eat these ritual foods and shows signs of "wasting away," his parents cater to his condition by allowing him to eat chicken soup, a food that is semi-normal.
   
 
==Other soups==
 
==Other soups==
 
===Souped up cars===
 
===Souped up cars===
 
On May 15th, 2006, [[Italian]] automaker Asinos'trano announced that it will start research on a line of alternative-fuel vehicles:
 
On May 15th, 2006, [[Italian]] automaker Asinos'trano announced that it will start research on a line of alternative-fuel vehicles:
there will be Golden Barley Soup with a little parsley. The company is striving for at least 2 miles per tablespoon. If the company cannot raise the product's reliability the rest of the way toward the specification, marketing executives say that stranding the driver with a good meal is preferable to simply stranding him. The straw leading into the gas tank may also be helpful in cases requiring sucking balls .
+
*Sesso con i Pesci XT3242: A mid-sized sedan $45,040 MSRP
  +
*Costi a Molto XG3423: A compact coupe $45,030 MSRP
  +
The fuel will be Golden Barley Soup with a little parsley. The company is striving for at least 2 miles per tablespoon. If the company cannot raise the product's reliability the rest of the way toward the specification, marketing executives say that stranding the driver with a good meal is preferable to simply stranding him. The straw leading into the gas tank may also be helpful in cases requiring siphoning.
   
 
===Marsoupials===
 
===Marsoupials===
 
Among the various marsoupials:
 
Among the various marsoupials:
*Kangaroos and sugar gliders will not eat soup if the ingredients are available raw.
+
*Kangaroos and Wallabies will not eat soup.
  +
*Koalas will eat soup but not if the ingredients are available raw.
 
Despite the name, marsoupials don't taste good in soup. Maybe in stew, maybe in mush.
 
Despite the name, marsoupials don't taste good in soup. Maybe in stew, maybe in mush.
   
 
===A Jockius Grimmius Soup===
 
===A Jockius Grimmius Soup===
   
There was once a young boy named after Jockius. He really loved soup. So did his mother fucking family. They owned a soup farm down in the south pole. Jockius grew up with a hard life, never knowing what he was going to become, and stuff without a hobby, Young Jockius decided to feed off penguins. He ate almost all the penguins, but one. When jockius would munt peguin reminiscence, he would then collect this aqueous solution and seal it up in an air compressed bag to make soup. He loved this soup. He ate his own munt all day.
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There was once a young boy named after Jockius. He really loved soup. So did his whole family. They owned a soup farm down in the south pole. Jockius grew up with a hard life, never knowing what he was going to become, and stuff without a hobby, Young Jockius decided to feed off penguins. He ate almost all the penguins, but one. When jockius would munt peguin reminiscence, he would then collect this aqueous solution and seal it up in an air compressed bag to make soup. He loved this soup. He ate his own munt all day.
He would even add a bit of seal blubber if he was in the "MOO!" . His family then decided to factorise and sell the soup. They did. And it sold over the whole north pole, they managed to gather at least 50 cents to travel to tasmania, there they decided to live happily together. And to this day young jockius aged 15 still drinks his own yummy munt.
+
He would even add a bit of seal blubber if he was in the mood. His family then decided to factorise and sell the soup. They did. And it sold over the whole north pole, they managed to gather at least 50 cents to travel to tasmania, there they decided to live happily together. And to this day young jockius aged 15 still drinks his own yummy munt.
   
 
==See also==
 
==See also==

Latest revision as of 23:11, January 25, 2012

CFSMsmall
Oscar Wilde's preferred flavour.
“No soup for you!!!”
~ The Soup Nazi
“Hello, soooup. I love soup!”
~ Zecora

When a cook has added too much water, the usual remedy, unless you like screwing around with basters and strainers, is simply to let the water boil off.

When a cook not only cannot measure water but is not patient enough to let the water boil off, or cannot measure the passage of time, we call the result soup.

When a cook is patient but so bad at measurement that, by the time the excess water has boiled off, the meat is indistinguishable in color, texture, and taste from the vegetables, we call the result mush. Typically, mush is discarded, if anyone is looking.

edit History

The inventor of soup was Fraser McSoup Fraser, born in 1351 on Framany, a small island west of France owned by Germany. Fraser never learned his letters, but when he was 17, found work as a violin-stringer. As Fraser matured, he became fat, ugly, and accident-prone.

Bouncywikilogo4
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Soup.

In 1385 Fraser was chopping up vegetables and everything fell into a nearby pot of boiling water. This was the invention of soup. Fourteen years later, Fraser discovered that it tasted better without the chopping board. Thus he invented vegetable soup. From that, he experimented with different types of soup, which are still eaten to this day.

edit Chicken noodle soup

In 1894, 12-year-old Marcus Rubens fell ill with a mild cold in the small village of Wrongsdale, England. His mother decided Marcus was infected with bananas and that soon he would become a banana boy.

She built a laboratory in the back garden in which to develop a cure. She conducted experiments involving pouring different liquids on bananas. Eventually, she tried a concoction of chicken, wheat noodles, barley, and carrots. When poured on a banana, it became all mushy and gross. She assumed that this killed the banana's evil demons, even though the banana had the same reaction to every other mixture. You see, it was the banana that was mushy and gross.

Marcus's mother made a pot of this soup and force-fed him. Marcus, initially too weak to resist, saw his condition improve, though he protested having to eat twenty bowls of soup a day. The village saw the results and began feeding chicken soup to sick children.

Sadly for Marcus, the forward march of science cannot be stopped. Marcus's mother insisted that he continue eating soup to prevent a recurrence of the condition, and one night made a makeshift intravenous feed of soup from a bag hanging from the bed frame. The next morning, the young patient was dead and soup was flowing out of every bodily orifice.

edit Jews

Jews especially favor chicken soup for medicinal purposes. This is because Jews ordinarily eat matzoh balls, halvah, dry little crackers, knishes, and other ceremonial foods which, on the food chain, are located somewhere between liver-sausage and sandpaper. If a Jewish child is temporarily unable to eat these ritual foods and shows signs of "wasting away," his parents cater to his condition by allowing him to eat chicken soup, a food that is semi-normal.

edit Other soups

edit Souped up cars

On May 15th, 2006, Italian automaker Asinos'trano announced that it will start research on a line of alternative-fuel vehicles:

  • Sesso con i Pesci XT3242: A mid-sized sedan $45,040 MSRP
  • Costi a Molto XG3423: A compact coupe $45,030 MSRP

The fuel will be Golden Barley Soup with a little parsley. The company is striving for at least 2 miles per tablespoon. If the company cannot raise the product's reliability the rest of the way toward the specification, marketing executives say that stranding the driver with a good meal is preferable to simply stranding him. The straw leading into the gas tank may also be helpful in cases requiring siphoning.

edit Marsoupials

Among the various marsoupials:

  • Kangaroos and Wallabies will not eat soup.
  • Koalas will eat soup but not if the ingredients are available raw.

Despite the name, marsoupials don't taste good in soup. Maybe in stew, maybe in mush.

edit A Jockius Grimmius Soup

There was once a young boy named after Jockius. He really loved soup. So did his whole family. They owned a soup farm down in the south pole. Jockius grew up with a hard life, never knowing what he was going to become, and stuff without a hobby, Young Jockius decided to feed off penguins. He ate almost all the penguins, but one. When jockius would munt peguin reminiscence, he would then collect this aqueous solution and seal it up in an air compressed bag to make soup. He loved this soup. He ate his own munt all day. He would even add a bit of seal blubber if he was in the mood. His family then decided to factorise and sell the soup. They did. And it sold over the whole north pole, they managed to gather at least 50 cents to travel to tasmania, there they decided to live happily together. And to this day young jockius aged 15 still drinks his own yummy munt.

edit See also

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