Soundgarden

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A Soundgarden is a large expance of grass notable for its emission of transparent audible waves. It is also the name of a progressive rock/folk fusion superhero ensemble, whose current roster consists of Del Boner aka Captain America, Sverrir aka Spoonman.

Soundgarden

Soundgarden

edit History

Founded in 1894, by Sverrir, the band has been through several incarnations through the decades, each one adding to the awe-inspiring mythos of Soundgarden.

edit Origin

The first Soundgarden was a Mozart cover band, barely making ends meet playing bar mitzvahs, weddings and death cult mass suicides. Their following was small, but loyal--rabidly loyal. Literally, their music was known to cause rabies in small animals, young children and statues of the Virgin Mary. Adolf Hitler was one victim of their musical rabies. Barney was another.

This incarnation fell into obscurity, it's members slowly dying off one by one by natural causes in their old age--the most shameful and horrific death imaginable for rock musicians. Its also been known that during the birth of grunge. The God of music masturbated during an eclipse and ejaculated a flock of doves. These doves then materialized into soundgarden which is the name of their birth place, called the garden of sound. These demi gods used their powers, to right a tribute song to their father; which was called black hole sun.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Soundgarden.

edit Soundgarden Reborn

Del Boner, young, patriotic American musician, in an effort to serve his country, volunteered to be the test subject for an experimental "Super Soldier Serum". American scientists, hoping to capitalize upon their success with Oprah Winfrey envisioned creating a squad of soldiers who could work together to in the fight for Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

The serum was a smashing success, and Soundgarden, Super Squad was reborn. This process was aptly described as a birth ritual in their terrorizing television pilot, also called "Birth Ritual." During the 1940's, the band went into underground, helping the Allies defeat Hitler by working incognito, giving high-ranking Axis officers rabies. This explains Hitler's alleged bouts of irrational behavior and borderline psychosis at the end of the Third Reich. Apart from this, The Band mostly spent their spare time playing Pacman and Mario Kart.

edit Cold War Soundgarden

The Cold War was a difficult time for Soundgarden. Without a definite, concrete foe to focus their Rock 'n' Roll rage upon, the group fell to fighting amongst themselves, huffing kittens, tearing each other apart, and infecting each other with rabies. Finally, because of their spreading of rabies the band was frozen in ice at the north pole by Captain Planet (really Ted Turner in disguise), hoping for them to never be reawakened again, until...

edit Dark Soundgarden

Hostile Aliens, seeking a way to dominate the earth, discovered the frozen heroes in their secluded iceberg getaway. Recognizing the value in their genetic material, the heroes were cloned, forming the Evil superband Abba. The other superpowered bands, though monumentally weaker than Dark Soundgarden A.K.A. Abba, were able to team-up together to destroy them, before they, and their Dark Power of Disco were able to melt the brains of the entire world.

edit Desert Shield Soundgarden

The world did indeed have need for the awesome powers of Soundgarden. Facing an unknown foe in Saddam Hussein, Ronald Reagan and George Bush Sr. concocted a plan to hunt, find and revive the now nearly-forgotten American heroes. Though it took years of painstaking searching, Marine officer Oliver North searched until he found them, successfully reviving all members of the band--except Bucky, because everyone felt he was kinda useless.

edit Return to Form

Recently the band decided to go back to a Mozart cover band and added some of the Jazz band The Ramones songs to their list of songs and playing mostly in their home country of Australia near Mount Doom (a very popular place to go in Australia).

edit Notable Members

edit Discography

edit Screaming Wife / Fapp (1987)

1. Dog The Bounty Hunter (Theme Song)
2. Where's The Exit?!
3. I Hurt Myself To Feel
4. Mute
5. Little Willie
6. Banned By God From The Forum Of Life
7. Kingdom Of Cum
8. Swallow My "Fry"
9. Fapp
10. Fapp (XXX Mix)

edit Pretty Bad (1988)

1. Every Rose Has It's Thorn (Poison cover)
2. Richard Nixon
3. 123
4. Beyond The Wheelchair
5. 456
6. Mood For Trouble
7. Circle Jerk
8. Yes, He Did
9. Viagra
10. Nazi Zombies
11. Blunt Force Head Injury From The Neck Of Kim Thayil's Guitar
12. Yes, The Mace Is Quite Incessant, Isn't It?
13. Silent, But Deadly

edit Quieter Than Fuck (1989)

1. I Slept With Your Wife
2. Quigley Down Under
3. Kar-98k
4. I Ain't Trippin', G! (This Coke Is The Shit)
5. Snakes On A Plane
6. Full On Jeffrey's Oreo's
7. Huh? Love? What? I Can't Hear You...
8. I Asleep (No Wakey)
9. Nothing At All (Heart cover)
10. Full Frontal
11. Big, Dumb & Sweaty
12. More Oreo's! (Reprise)

edit Badmotherfucker / M&Ms (1991 - 1992)

1. Lime-A-Way, And The Rust Is Gone!
2. Nickelback Sucks!
3. Holocausts & Bulldozers
4. Blasphemy!
5. Only You Can Stop Pollution
6. Everywhere (Tim McGraw Cover)
7. Things Look A Whole Lot Clearer With My Bad Eye Shut
8. Show A Thousand Seasons Long
9. Insanity!
10. Attracting Various Kinds Of Insects With My Unique Lifestyle
11. Blood In The Water
12. No Damage Cheat (YES!)

Included On The Complimentary 1992 M&Ms EP:

13. Into The "Void" (Black Sabbath cover)
14. Girl U Want 2 Fukk (2 Live Crew cover)
15. Gay Scat Blues (Queen cover)
16. Monica Lewinski (Feat. Bill Clinton)
17. Holocausts & Bulldozers (Live in Berlin, 1989)

edit Supertramp (1994)

1. Please, God, Don't Let Me Drown!
2. I Don't Want To Go Surfing, Either
3. Accident Prone
4. Mailman Bites Dog
5. Supertramp
6. Chin Up!
7. Black Hole In The O-Zone Layer (We Gonna Die!)
8. Spoon, Fork, And Knife Man
9. Destruction Derby (Game Soundtrack)
10. The Day I Tried To Kill Myself
11. One Legged Man In A Sack Race
12. Plants & Angiosperms (Go Green)
13. 14th Of February
14. 2/3
15. This Is So Unlike Suicide, It's Not Even Funny...

edit Up On The Downside (1996)

1. You Know, This Rope Turns Me On...
2. Rhinopterodactylsaurous Rex
3. My Hero Zero
4. We Let Moby Remix This One, So We Changed The Title To Preserve Our Dignity
5. Corn On The Cobb
6. Blow The Outside World
7. Burden In The Anchor On My Arm From This Tumor In My Head That Left Me In The Dark
8. [Insert Title Here]
9. Suck A Lemon
10. Rage Against The Machine, Forever!
11. It... Just... Keeps... GETTING... TIGHTER!!!]
12. ADHD
13. Oh Noes! I Open Teh Switch! What Do W3 D0!!1
14. Floater In The Commode
15. A Kind Of Magic (Queen cover)
16. TEN-HUT!

edit Noah's Ark (2012)

1. Left The Bengay On Too Long
2. Non-State Election
3. Polio
4. Four Score & Seven Years Ago
5. Blood On The Bathroom Floor
6. Bones In My Chicken (Fuck You Too, KFC!)
7. Teary
8. Poverty & Famine (Feat. U2)
9. Black Friday Sale At Kohls!
10. No, We're Not There Yet (So Shut Up Before I Shut You Up, Myself!)
11. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
12. Pink Eye
13. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

NOTE: In a disappointing move for fans of the Avenging Assholes, the song "Rise To Live" does not appear on the album.

edit Compilations

edit A-Sides We Compiled For Drug Money (1997)

1 - 16. Various shit from the previous 6 CDs
17. Sleep Together (Up On The Downside outtake)

edit Fresh Deadly Rabies (B-Sides & Outtakes) (2000)

1. Sex Toys
2. Heroin
3. Cum Together (Beatles Cover)
4. Fresh Deadly Rabies
5 - 8. M&M's EP
9. Old Bitch
10. Show Me (Your Tits)
11. Touched By An Angel (Soundtrack)
12. I Don't Care About Nepotism
13. Can You Not See Me?!
14. I Can Give You A Big Mac; Only $4.99 At McDonalds!
15. Genocidal (Buzzcocks Cover)
16. The Cardiac Ward Love Surprises!
17. This Is So Unlike Suicide, It's Not Even Funny... (Country Version)

edit Telephone Orgasm (2010)

Disc 1

1 - 12. Same old shit...

Disc 2

1 - 11. More of the same...
12. Black Rob Is My All Time Favorite Artist Ever
13. The Telephone Orgasm

Bonus DVD

Highly revered at the 2010 Sundance Film Festival, and packaged exclusively with the special edition release of Telephone Orgasm, watch as all four members of Soundgarden embark on a gay romantic riverboat cruise in the Indian Ocean, between banned alternate takes on some of their most popular music videos. Including the never before seen "Black Rob Is My All Time Favorite Artist Ever".

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