Sony DRM

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

P2P software is a growing concern to the music industry, who are finding it hard to sell CDs when people are getting the songs illegally for free. In an effort to stay ahead, the record industry has started to use something called “Dodgy Restrictions on Music”, or DRM.

To combat music piracy, Sony has started adding DRM software to audio CDs which it sells, for example to the new CD from Canadian Rockers RootKit, recently published by Sony Music.

DRM is a new feature introduced by the recording industry to discourage people from buying CDs and encourage them to download them illegally instead. Some suspect the intent is to encourage customers to fall into the habit of using file sharing networks so that the RIAA members can then sue their customers (using money originally from CD sales), thereby increasing their revenue.

edit Features

Diondrm

Celine Dion's new CD with XCP DRM

The Sony DRM software gives the customer exclusive features including:

  • Copy protection - never accidentally make an illegal copy of a CD again*!
  • Installation is fast and painless - the DRM software uses the same techniques as viruses and hackers*, so you won’t even know it’s there!
  • Prevents ripping to mp3 - you wouldn’t want to do that, the mp3 format is old and low quality. Plus all mp3 files are against the law*.
  • No license agreement - though a license is included as a bonus feature, even if you decline you get to keep the software anyway*.
  • Built-in Sony Backdoor™ technology - allows Sony to protect your computer from people doing illegal stuff on your computer*. Who wouldn't want that!

Despite Sony's attempt to discourage the purchase of CDs, sales records and third-party (aka "communist-funded") studies show that DRM has been overwhelmingly successful. These studies have found that many consumers who would have normally download a CD from the internet have instead bought the CDs, just to have the software that is included.

*Please note that by purchasing a Sony CD, you agree to allow Sony to inform the authorities of any illegal action you commit, even if it has nothing to do with Sony. You also agree that Sony can look at files on your computer at your cost (broadband data fees, etc.) and publish them at www.igotscammedbysony.com.


edit Customer Testimonials

“You mean I can’t listen to the new Celine Dion CD on my iPod? That’s what I call progress.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Sony DRM

“At Microsoft, we completely support Sony DRM. It takes our customers minds off the real viruses and hackers that are caused by our buggy OSes.”
~ Microsoft on Sony DRM

edit Health concerns

Reportedly, Sony made a few embarrassing woopsies around about the millennium. This led to quite some concerns in the 18th century, and out spoken condemnation from King Henry VIII (Born: 1491 - Died: 1547). The pope (Born: 4000 BC) has continued to support Sony, despite its failing to take over the planet, although this is believed to be due to successful collaboration in killing of the dinosaurs and the witches. Rumour continues to bounce around that gays could be next. The spokesmen for the pope and Sony were unable to comment on this as they were said to be currently in a down town hotel room, extremely engaged in company relationship meetings.

August 2000 – Sony released this statement: "The industry will take whatever steps it needs to protect itself and protect its revenue streams...It will not lose that revenue stream, no matter what...Sony is going to take aggressive steps to stop this. We will develop technology that transcends the individual user. We will firewall Napster at source - we will block it at your cable company, we will block it at your phone company, we will block it at your ISP. We will firewall it at your PC...These strategies are being aggressively pursued because there is simply too much at stake."

It can only be assumed that Sony is now tackling ISPs (Internet Sex Providers). Many sexual health organisations were extremely concerned, some even proposing that Sony could become a Sexually Computed Infection. In October 2005, this fear was realised and Sony began spreading spyware on some of their music CDs. Shortly afterwards, Gordon Brown released this statement: "Qu'est-ce que je vais faire? Mon pantalon est mouillé" and Sony quickly backed down after a long time.

Personal tools
projects