Somalia
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“Yarrghhh gimme yerr booty and yerr plunderrr arrrrggh”
~ Somalia on their naval might
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| Motto: "We've got five warlords, four neighbors, three governments, two epidemics of infectious disease, one people, and zero common sense."
Policemen - 10000|- | Area | 2.4 sq kilometres | |||||
| Form of Government | *n/a* | ||||||
| Current Massa | Mr Dinsey/ Captain Jack Sparrow | ||||||
| Currency | Pirate Doubloons | Capital | Moqadisho | ||||
| Religion | Somalism, Islam | ||||||
| Largest city | - Moqadisho (Morgue city) | ||||||
Somalia also known as Yusufville (not any more yusufvilla) now it's Farah Hill, Gifted by nature with its most prized gift: "Islam", this empire has experienced a long and prosperous period. This has lead the friendly United States Marines and the United States Army with Blackhawk helicopters, to come and visit this peaceful country, especially for hunting expeditions (which is probably why they brought along their M16 Rifles). Because of the secretive nature of its political leadership, we have no knowledge of the history, geography or any other field that might interest you. We are still awaiting four of our news operators to return with more information... parts of them have already been FedEx 'ed to us, so be sure to check back for updates.
However, well-trained Somalian police have been doing excellently to maintain order in such a peaceful country. Crime has gone down by a massive 0.6% in the last year, bringing the official figure down to 99.4%. Over one million crimes were reported last year and only just under one million have been reported this year. Somalian police have been given appreciation all over by the people they serve by having rocks and broken bottles lined with poison thrown at them on sight.
Contents |
[edit] Somalis
[edit] Immigrated Somalis
haw haw haw yer mom is sooooo fat!
[edit] History
[edit] The Sink Era
Little is known about the Sink Era (27837719185287BC-700BC) except that they're a simple group of Wookies until the Jedi Era came along
[edit] The Jedi Era
The Jedi Era (700BC-100AD) was the first recorded scripture of the beginning of Somalia. This era was an excellent era for religion. The main religion of the time was Jedi, hence why it was called The Jedi Era. However, many conflicts grew out of this era. The biggest conflicts were when the Somalian Rebellion fought against the Fark Side. The leader of the Fark Side was Darth Gayder. Darth Gayder was an evil man who brought Friends off the air and constructed an evil construction to lead to control of the Somalian Trade Federation. This evil construction was called the Breath Star.
[edit] Culture
Everyone in The Jedi Era had a lightsaber. These amazing laser-like swords were used to combat for the sake of the side you were fighting for, for executions and for pub brawls. These lightsabers were used in many famous battles, including the extreme fight between Puke Skyforker (more on him later) and Darth Gayder. Somalians would all travel by spaceships or speeders. Everyone but some unlucky sods owned one. They were like the car of today. Somalians loved to drink in cantinas, get pissed and shag some sun dancers that would dance in the cantinas to entertain guests.
[edit] Heroes
There were many heroes of the time of whom brought freedom to the people of Somalia. Here are a few to commemorate:
- Qui-Gon Chin - trained Obi-Wan Shinobi but fell at the hands of Darth Paul - a useless man
- Obi-Wan Shinobi - defeated Darth Paul and General Peevous but killed by Darth Gayder
- Puke Skyforker - killed Darth Gayder (kind of) and the luck git didn't die
- Layer Skyforker (Princess Layer) - Queen at one point and kissed her own brother (ewww)
- Frank - wiped out all of the Jawas
- Queen Armadillo - Queen of Noobo
- Makes Windu - Jedi that didn't really do much, but he was the first black Jedi and was important
- Michael Jackson - "trained" the kids in the Jedi Academy
- Yodaleheehoo - little green man that was one of the greatest Jedi Masters
- Mohammed Farrah Aidid- Happy,successful and influential mayor of Muqdisho until he was unfortunately killed in 1993
[edit] Evil Geezas
However many heroes there were in Somalia in The Jedi Era, there were also some bad guys that always wanted to fuck up Somalia. These people were twisted to the Fark Side by seduction and the promise of having a one night stand with the Emperor. These people include:
- The Emperor - the evil guy who started off this whole mess
- Darth Gayder - created the Breath Star and killed Obi-Wan Shinobi and many innocent people
- Darth Paul - raped Layer and killed Qui-Gon Chin
- Abdul Kadir Nuur - A vicious monster set out to bunny hump all that moves, also known as Black & Decker. He patrols the mountains of Ethiopia in a desperate search for evil and fucking ugly Melles Zenawi.
- General Peevous - the inventor of heavy smoking and commander of hobots and noids
- Sand-people - thought to have been lost Ethiopians, these savages tried to kill anyone they saw. Main group involved in the Black Hawk Down incident.
- Darth Hidious - didn't really do much
- Anakin Skyforker - twisted to the Fark Side after Darth Hidious promised to play with his willy and turned into Darth Gayder
- George Bush - served drinks at the evil base's pub
[edit] Holy Places
The most favoured place in Somalia at the time was Noboo, a beautiful and delightful place in the Indian Ocean off the east coast of Somalia. There were many Queens of this place. The most famous of these queens was Queen Latifah for bringing music to Somalia and bringing "diets" into the world, even whilst not trying what she invented herself, as you do. Queen Latifah still lives today at the ripe age of 2746 years, 7 months, 9 days, 4 hours, 20 minutes, 56 seconds and 76 nanoseconds. She was thrown off of the throne which brought the end to The Jedi Era in 100AD after she burned Jesus on a square. However, as the years went on, Somalia began to change and Noboo was engulfed by the Indian Ocean. Forget Atlantis, there was no such place. Noboo is the real place of which scientists ponder upon today.
[edit] The Blob Era
The shortest of the eras, lasting for a day (52nd January 100AD), The Blob Era was a very confusing era. Not much is known about it, apart from the fact that large yellow blobs over-ran the Somalian throne a day after Queen Latifah was thrown off of the throne. The yellow blobs engulfed many Somalians, apart from Sadam and Peeve, who managed to continue the Somalian race by killing the yellow blobs. They worked hard all night in the bedroom... making test tube babies to continue the Somalian race before they became extinct. Nothing about religion or culture in this period is known.
[edit] The Pansy Era
The longest of eras (100AD-1800AD), this was when Sadam and Peeve brought back the Somalian race by reproduction. Because their children had to reproduce with eachother, the outcome was horrific. Despite the challenges here, the Somalians managed to build up a decent society. This was probably the best era in Somalian history, as Somalians were at their best looking and smartest. However, this great period came to an end when a meteorite hit Somalia. It landed on Arnold Schwarzenegger's head. Arnie then turned to terminate all humanity in Somalia, and did so successfully and settled down with a cup of tea just in time to catch Blind Date on the television later on. The world was finally happy.
[edit] Culture
Entertainment in this era flourished, especially as the "yes and no" game was introduced. This mind bending game was played all over the nation and one could not resist. There was a large-scale tournament for it in 545.7AD when Hom Marris won the title over favourite for the title and singing sensation, Usher. All they had to ask Usher was what his favourite recording was. Hom Marris is still remembered today with a decapitated statue that has been erected in Hayes. His spirit still lives on in an anonymous young swimmer. Somalian names: sayeeda smellslikeass ah-(phelgm)-med Biniaym shaquille tavernihead
[edit] Belief
FAGURU Mahad Mahmud is one of the most common somali names, it is also the name for the equivalent of 'shit' in the somali language.
[edit] The Beef Era
Beef is the greatest, he lives in Zooport, hes an idiot. This era began 1.154 centuries ago when apes from Indonesia came to inhabit the uninhabited land of Somalia after the Great Termination, caused by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Somalia is still in this era. If you would like information on this era, then you are looking in the wrong place. But it doesn't mean you look it up somewhere else; it's on this page. Look up to chapter 1, tosser.
[edit] The Enlightenment Era
Hasn't occurred yet. However, psychohistorians estimate that in about 500 years, there is a 15% chance of Somalia becoming the first nation to adopt a wikocratic government, when Somalia will be named The New People's Wikocratic Republic of Somalia.
Somalia an East Africa Country
[edit] Entertainment
The well developed Somalian computer game industry has launched several smash hits such as: Hello :D and GTA Somalia
[edit] Economy
Somalian main export are golf clubs made from dead Somalis skulls and grass freshy cut with their big toe, along with Grand Theft Auto.
| North Africa | Algeria · Egypt · Libya · Morocco · Sudan · Tunisia · Western Sahara | 
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| West Africa | Benin · Burkina Faso · Côte d'Ivoire · Ghana · Guinea · Guinea-Bissau · Liberia · Mali · Mauritania · Niger · Nigeria · Senegal · Sierra Leone · Togo | |
| Central Africa | Angola · Cameroon · Belgium · Central African Republic · Chad · Democratic Republic of the Congo · Equatorial Guinea · Gabon · Republic of the Congo | |
| East Africa | Burundi · Djibouti · Eritrea · Ethiopia · Kenya · Madagascar · Malawi · Mauritius · Mozambique · Rwanda · Seychelles · Somalia · Tanzania · Uganda · West Kenya · Zambia · Rhodesia | |
| Southern Africa | Botswana · Lesotho · Namibia · People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata · South Africa · Swaziland · Zululand | |
| Dependencies | United Kingdom : Gibraltar · Indian Ocean Territory · Isle of Wight · Welsh Congo (Pitcairn Islands) |
